QOTW: Kids and Expectations/Guilt
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QOTW: Kids and Expectations/Guilt
| Wed, 12-10-2008 - 12:46pm |
Are your kids old enough to understand that money is tighter as a single parent? As for the Holidays... what are your kids expectations? Are they understanding of your special circumstances?
Do you ever feel guilty? Sometimes I feel that if I had not gotten the divorce then DD would not have to sacrifice like she does. Lesser clothes, less things, than most of her friends. Does the guilt ever make you spend more than you should on the Holidays for your children? I know I do that sometimes.


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I have been in almost the exact same boat... i get the Santa gift (it means so much to them). My former MIL gets them a ton of stuff (the good stuff too)... but they get only one gift each from me. My exMIL is very nice though and this year since she knows it's been rough on everyone.. she's taking me shopping so that i can put my name on a few things. And she's buying them mostly clothes since she knows how my children are about breaking new toys. It's just not worth it to get them the good toys kwim... plus kids don't know which ones are the expensive toys vs cheap toys.. to them it's new stuff either way... money is better spent on warm new clothes. i think.
the big BUT is that she only helps out with her grandchildren.... which leaves me short for my teenagers. who probably think i love them less or something.. which is NOT true.....
Mark,
I like the volunteering idea. It is something I did prior to having my son and will pick up again as he gets a little older. Thank you for reminding me of this rewarding opportunity.
I don't get childsupport and yes, I over indulge my children during all the holidays. Sad, but true. They don't want much and they don't ask for much, but I tend to spoil them either way. Guilt? Maybe, but I remember how hard it was for me (my mom was single) not growing up with anything, so maybe I try to give them what I didn't, plus making up for no dad.
HOWEVER, this year is a bit different for several reasons. I spent a very small FORTUNE on their birthdays (remember the magician and carnival party with bounce house for my youngest? and my oldest had a beach party with real sand, tiki torches, stage, disco lights, tiki hut that I built, real fish swimming in several different aquariums), so this year, my X said he'd get my youngest all of her presents and my oldest will go on a huge shopping spree with her Grandma, so between the families they are going to be covered.
My major thing is food and Christmas spirit. So I spend a lot of money on making it a REAL christmassy Griswald event. I find it costs more then presents! BUT this year I'll be with my sister and her family. Last year I was too, but still drove to the mountains to a tree farm, chopped down a tree and bought a tree for the guy I was seeing and we all decorated it together. But this year, the neighbors borrowed me an extra fake tree and I decided not to decorate outside since I won't be around.
For presents....
My youngest will get a hamster, two webkins and a few books(from santa). My oldest will get a bunch of funny stuff in her sock to make her laugh. Being a teenager, she needs that right now.
Both girls will get one major gift from me (aside from santa). My youngest I'm still not sure, but my oldest money to buy whatever and boxing gear.
So sorry, I know I should think tight and I am grateful for having a job and I know I should save save save, but my children and I have been through so much that they deserve me trying my best to give them whatever I can.
Since you asked - tho I am not typical in this regard since we are not a sports family and I refuse to "live up to the jones" - I have a small suggestion and a rule I live by re kids activities with no-one to help with the physical (nor emotional for that matter) day to day stuff:- one activity per kid at a time.
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
Pac, interesting question. Dont ever feel guilty about the divorce. You daughter may have less things but she has a peaceful, happy home with no fighting. I think most kids in dysfunctional bickering two parent families would give up their things any day to have a happy home.
I dont feel guilty about not spoiling them this year. I am sick of doing that anyhow and would eventually like to get away from gifts altogether. Maybe next year I can take them to California for thier Christmas gift. This year they know all about the economy and that money is tight for me. They also know I lost a bunch in the stock market. Plus my 17 year cant find a job so she thoroughly understands.
They are past the materialistic stage anyhow. When I asked them what they wanted they both thought long and hard and came up with a hair straightener and that was it. Lol.
Laurie
And I am truly blessed with some great kids that understand.
Yep--- you are truly blessed! My dd understands, too. It's ME who puts the expectations on myself too high sometimes.
Thanks for sharing :o)
I dont know, honestly. I *do* know that I want her to be so happy on Xmas, that she wont think too much about her Dad not being in the picture. We already are having occassional bouts of tears here about it, leading up to it.
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