QOTW- Marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
QOTW- Marriage
17
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 1:53pm

Do you want to be married (again)?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: cl_alison
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 3:05pm

I would like to be married again... but not anytime soon. I see myself being married when older, and doing that "growing old together" kind of thing. Traveling, sharing grandkid time, just sharing life & what adventures we could find.


I've given up on the fantasy (it's a fantasy because I never had it, and WON'T have it now)- the fantasy of getting married, having babies and starting that whole family thing. THAT part of being married, I've given up on.


So maybe that's why I'm so okay with just dating Hiker for now, keeping our households separate and not living together. The kids are still around, and it just seems okay to keep them separate. I guess I'm in a bit of "marriage scenario limbo"... the time between the young marriage, and the older marriage. And for now, staying single for this section of it, suits me!


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
In reply to: cl_alison
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 3:45pm

Looks like I'm in the minority here :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
In reply to: cl_alison
Thu, 06-26-2008 - 8:06pm
I don't need a piece of paper either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_alison
Thu, 06-26-2008 - 8:39pm

Well. I have been formulating my answer for a bit. One side of me wants to remain independent and maintain my convent so to speak. I mean, life is so good right now and much better than it ever was when I was married. I have grown a lot in this time - learning much about relationships and communication and that has brought about a sense of peace like no other time in my life because I apply my lessons to all of my doings. Meaning, setting boundaries, making myself happy, not feeling guilt about setting boundaries or being myself, having confidence, not needing validation, and understanding that I can only control what I do and not what others do. I have developed a good sort of empathy so I can have a deeper understanding of why people do things so I don't take them so personally. I am definitely less reactive so to speak.

I must say, too, that I love my independence. A lot. I love having my own house and doing what I want with it. I love my own stability. I love doing what I want when I want. I could list a million things about that - it means time, finances, all sorts of decisions. Some crazy - like buying a second puppy because I like its picture and story off the internet - or some more careful like we turn up the AC to 80 to save money so we can do more things we like.

I love the me time with my son as well. We have slumber parties in my room. We eat French toast for dinner sometimes. And sometimes I do his homework because I can type faster and he will vacuum the house in exchange. I believe that we have a stronger relationship and a different dynamic because I am a single mom. It is not good or bad - just the way it is. I can point to married families that are not nearly as good off and some that are better.

But I know I want a relationship. I believe we are all better people, at least if we are capable mentally, if we are in a healthy relationship and in love.

And I believe if I challenge myself to find a partner worthy of marriage then I will be more inclined to find someone very good who is capable of a very healthy relationship and a very deep love.

I have seen a lot of crappy marriages. I have witnessed a lot of divorces. And of course we have shared all sorts of stories on this board. But I have seen a lot of very good marriages, too. I really believe I have the knowledge about what it takes to find a good man and have a good relationship - and so that is my challenge now. I think if I settle for a boyfriend I will never be as happy as if I seek someone worthy of being my husband. And, as a wise friend told me recently - we cannot take for granted our youth - whether that means we are in our 20s or 30s or 40s - because the pond always gets thinner.

So, my decision is yes I want to be married. But only because I believe that I want a very good marriage that will serve a higher purpose than just my own physical or emotional needs. A good marriage serves all whom it touches - and hopefully it will also show my son that you can find the right person and make it work. You can dust yourself off, learn something and do much better the 2nd time around. It is better to have a good partner than to be alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: cl_alison
Thu, 06-26-2008 - 9:38pm

Sure. If he had more money than me. B/c i will be damned if anyone gets a settlement from ME again! lol


As far as emotionally - I suppose so. Although I certianly dont feel as if I need it. I love my life. I love having time to myself. But I guess years down the road, I will want someone to be in my life. But a piece of paper wouldnt change it, either way.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
In reply to: cl_alison
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 9:49am

Judy, you nailed it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_alison
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 10:41am
I do believe you have nailed it too!! Glad you like what I wrote. I just have to see if my PP (picky palace) can find one - that is my challenge now. I think so - just takes time and perseverance and holding up of my standards. I know I offer at least what I want as well - so that helps, too.

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