QOTW: Is sex on the 1st date a mistake?
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QOTW: Is sex on the 1st date a mistake?
| Wed, 06-16-2004 - 10:36am |
I just read this article and thought it could make for a good conversation with lots of viewpoints!

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While I understand and agree in principle with this article....that it is wise to get to know a person on different levels, what their motivation is (just sex or will he ever be interested in a good relationship, too), and safety factors like STD's, I think it assumes too much.
Both of my experiences were just a date to dinner and nothing more and things just happened. I wasn't intoxicated, but just very comfortable with the guy and knew him, so it wasn't just a thing where I just met him or anything. And on my part, I know for sure it wasn't planned to sleep over.
I don't necessarily think it's a BAD thing, but it usually doesn't end up in a good bond between the two parties. Normally the women are chasing down the guy for the emotional relationship, but this time both guys tried to win me over and I ended up dumping both of them. I'm glad I waited with Shane though. It was worth it!!
Mel
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I also agreed with alot of this article. Particularly the avoiding alcohol on first dates. Although J and I did not avoid it.
Sex on a first date would be a HUGE no no for me. Even if I DID know that person well already. I think if I am
The only time I've ever had sex on the first day was with my now husband...but since we're having trouble right now...I can't say with any certainty whether things would have been better/worse/different if we hadn't.
I do know that it was out of character for me...but didn't feel "wrong" or "empty" at the time..or even looking back on it.
Sherry<with 3 kids, 2 beautiful granddaughters
I did have hesitance that night - we talked about it - but I did it anyway !! Still together - 9 months now.
Do I regret it - NOPE - thats the one area that well... we both are very compatible and it hasnt ceased yet!! hee hee
Pardon my pun--- but I got lucky !
I try to avoid settings that will make sex-too-soon too tempting in the beginning. I only want to have sex with someone who wants a monogamous relationship with the possibility of marriage and a long-term commitment. The problem as I see it, is if you have sex with a guy too soon you will have a huge emotional attachment and he will not be ready for that or the expectations.
Plus it is so special - better to wait than treat it like "fast food."
Unfortunately I do speak from the experience of "mistakes" in the past where I did have it too soon.
As for puting each other at risk, my rule of thumb was always not without protection until both of you had been to the dr to rule out any std's including an hiv test regardless of how long you've been together.
As for it's never a good idea and leaves you feeling empty. Not always. I slept with my dh on the first date which I'd never done before. But I'd already done a lot of thinking prior to the date about how I felt I wanted to handle that situation if it came up and it was therefore premeditated to a certain degree. I've always made a point of not sleeping with someone unless I've already mulled it over in my mind for a few days (not fantasized about being with them but really weighed my feelings on the issue from different angles) so that I wouldn't be making that decision in the heat of the moment. And he wasn't pushing for that at all--heck about 2/3 of the way through the evening I finally had to ask him if he wanted to kiss me. LOL He was trying to be a gentleman and first date sex wasn't his pattern either. Basically I was calling the shots and he was clearly surprised. We had been talking on the phone every day that week but I can't say that I can really use the we were friends first argument. We had done a lot of talking already on that first date though about our backgrounds, how he felt about me having a child and if this went somewhere it was a package deal, about his own step-father who was fabulous and he was already suggesting future activities for us. I had a really good idea of his overall character and both of us knew before we even went out that the nature of both our personalities meant this wasn't going to be a one time thing so we'd better be prepared for a relationship if we even went out. (Don't quiz me about how we knew that, it was totally a gut instinct thing on both our parts which we've since talked about a lot.)
Anyway, that was 3 years ago and we've been happily married for a little over a year now, and have lived together for over two years. So, while I definitely wouldn't recommend it, it doesn't always turn out badly.
Mel
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What's wrong with a woman who just wants to have sex?
When I was newly separated I wanted this. It was not a matter of self-esteem or a need to feel loved, it was a primitive need to connect with something other than my vibrator ;) After two years of a non-existent sex life, preceeded by four years of lousy sex...I placed a high importance on the matter! I did it a couple of times. And although it had no real meaning, it certainly didn't leave me feeling empty! And both times turned into really great short-term flings (not at the same time though!). It was just what I needed.
I guess I don't really see what the big issue is, if you're safe and discriminate about who you choose.
In terms of seeking a relationship...is it a mistake? I suppose for the majority yes. For the inexperienced, yes. But in my case? well, by the time I met D, I knew I was ready and I waited....until the 2nd date. ;) That was 2 years ago and so far so good. :)
Here's another question for ya: In this day and age many relationships are beginning via internet, and people are getting to know eachother in a somewhat accelerated fashion via email and telephone before they even ever make it to a first date: How much do you think this type of initial "courting" contributes to sex on the first or second date?
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