QOTW: What did your parents do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
QOTW: What did your parents do?
10
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 11:34am

Do you feel that your parents gave you good advice on dating and sex?

What will you do different as a parent that has been exposed to the modern dating world? What advice will you give now? Or what advice do you give (in the case of those with older children)?

Share stories!!

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 12:09pm

Seeing that my father used to drag me to every mistress that he had

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 6:11am

Hey Cat,

Sorry to hear you have had it so rough - that probably does explain your luck until now - but I know that therapy will do you a world of good.

Keep us posted.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 5:33pm

Wow, this is a hard one! My parents have been together since my mom was 12, and my dad was 14. They didn't really have any advice to give me regarding sex and dating, because they were totally clueless!

Honestly, my father told me when I was about 14 that "God only gave men enough blood to operate one brain at a time" and that was about all the advice from either of my parents about guys I ever got.

Hopefully I'll be a little more "with it" when it comes to my own kids! I already have been talking to Andrew about girls, since they've been pushing him on the playground.... precurser to batting their eyelashes, the little flirts! He's unamused. Catie finds boys intriguing already, so I know I'll have my hands full with that one... know of any good convents?!

Seriously, though, I think I'll just try to take a more active approach than my parents did, and keep the lines of communication open in all aspects of their lives.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 10:08am
My parents never spoke to me about anything at all, let alone sex/dating advice. I had to find out everything the hard, nasty way. That's why I had my first child at 17. I was determined that my relationship with my children would be different, and so it is. We have an extremely close, open, honest type of relationship. My youngest is now 12 and starting to experience adolescence, she is extremely shy about having the "talks", as were my other 2 when they were younger. So to take initial pressure off, I gave her some really good books about my changing body;etc. I told her to read the books and if she has any questions or concerns we can talk about them. Little by little she has been discussing book chapters with me. That's how I open up the dialouge. As she gets older and matures she will feel more comfortable opening up more and more. Most kids are too embarased to talk about these topics although they really want to, so It's best to just
bring things up in a slow, natural pace until they feel comfortable with it.
The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:53pm

My dad wasn't around and my mom and I rarely discussed the topic, never in detail.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 8:21am

My mother told me that if a boy wanted to have sex with me without the benefit of marriage, he didn't really love me. While I think that can be true, it made me too paranoid overall. My dad thought the right man might magically appear at the right time. That's about all the advice I got directly from them about dating.

After an abusive, miserable nine year marriage and now therapy, I'm realizing that my life wasn't what it appeared to be. My family of origin seemed like a stable, loving home to the superficial observer, but inside closed doors there was constant fighting and bickering, and that was just the beginning. So I'm in therapy as are my two oldest children. I'm learning that love needs to be a two-way street; I shouldn't be the only one doing the giving. So many things I knew intellectually but not emotionally. Now I'm trying to help my children. My son is at risk for being an abuser and my daughters are at risk for getting abused. It's a lot to try to turn-around, especially after generations. However, with therapy and finding that I have to share my own experiences with them now some (so they understand why some of the things happened that did and won't blame themselves) as well as model self-respect and respect towards their rights and feelings, hopefully it's getting done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 12:31pm

Do you feel that your parents gave you good advice on dating and sex?

Not so much - my mom was of the hippy generation - my parents were divorced, so I remember growing up with the idea that sex was a way to express myself and that sex before marriage was not only acceptable, it was a necessity.

What will you do different as a parent that has been exposed to the modern dating world? What advice will you give now? Or what advice do you give (in the case of those with older children)?

I will teach my daughter that sex is only appropriate in a committed, loving relationship - that the commitment must come first. That there is no such thing as "casual sex" - that is has been my experience that no matter how much I have protested to the contrary, sex creates feelings and expectations. I think society has gone so far to be PC that sex is so "out there" that we don't even notice how much we are exposed to it. Sex is a private thing between two individuals once they have reached a deep, intimate and committed level in their relationship, sex is not a step on the way to get there, although it certainly makes the feelings that are already present even stronger. JMO!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 9:29pm
Welcome to our board. Your post totally hits the nail on the head in my opinion. I think what you realize and what you are teaching your dd is a very good thing!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 11:11am
Thanks so much for your kind words! I kind of thought I might get blasted for being too conservative or something.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 11:48am

this is too funny. My parents gave me nothing in terms of advice. The only thing my dad said when I was about 19 was "don't bring any free meals home to meet me." So I didn't.

I have no idea what I will do. I have about 8-9 years before I need to worry about it. (dating)

As for the sex questions, I hope the answer honestly & truthfully without making it sound as wonderful as great sex is.