QOTW: Would you tell your SO?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
QOTW: Would you tell your SO?
11
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 9:11pm

I just thought of something good to ask you guys. Would you tell the person you are dating about this board and what you write?

I think I would not ;-)

But I am curious about you guys.

This just seems like so much fun and just for us girls (even though we love to have Mark and our other male lurkers participate). I want it for me - and don't ever want the pressure of having someone I know read it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 9:31pm
I would never tell a guy I was dating about this board. I will admit to being selfish about the place I go to get advice and ask stupid questions. I haven't even told my single mom friend about the board in case I need to complain about her. lol Just my 2 cents. And I like reading Mark's opinion. I think it gives us a good male sounding board.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 9:55pm

I agree that I would keep it to myself. I think having a place I feel like I can express myself and come for support/advice/fun is too special to worry that someone I didn't want to read it was.

I also agree that Mark (and the other guys who lurk and chime in) are great to have around and give important perspective.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 10:10pm
No way, no how, not ever!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 11:57pm

Sharing these boards with someone IRL?

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 1:45am

My goal is to live my life openly and as transparently as possible... no secrets, no shame, no excuses, no apologies. I realized when I was in my 40s that it took too much damn energy to try to be someone else to please or not anger the people around me by not being myself.

What I say here and on my MySpace blog are things that I do not care/mind if strangers, co-workers, family, friends, or my (soon to be) lover-partner knows. I am seeking a partner and hope to meet her soon. In the meantime, I am a work-in-progress. I still hold back. I still have my shames and secrets. I am still working on total self acceptance.

I desire honesty, authenticity, integrity (alignment of what is inside to my outside behavior/words) for myself.

For me total intimacy is my SO knowing (and accepting) all of me and visa versa. I crave that kind of intimacy ...with all the landmines and problems it creates (and for us to work through).

Mark

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 8:52am
Good question...
I've mentioned once or twice that I have a online site of friends that I share stories about my life with, but never where, who or what. I have been asked if they were involved and I have said yes, but after that I tell them to leave it alone or I change the subject. My best friend Donna is one of the single mom members here (she doesn't post too often anymore) so I have been asked how we met and I explain it, but again, never the site; I keep as discreet as possible. I don't mention single dating site or anything. I think its a easy search engine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 9:57am

I don't tell any dates about this or any other online board. I might mention something about "the single moms' message board" but that's about it. I surely wouldn't be emailing any direct links or URLs!! I tend to bring it up only as a base for where I got an interesting situation or dilemma in which I might want to see what he thought, or just as a sounding board for us to have a discussion about something. I just find it easy to use the 'message board' as a way to bring up scary topics and to keep it separate from 'us' per se. Although I also want to hear what he might have to say about the discussion in relation to US as well- it's brought up as someone else's situation and discussed in general first.

I also blog- but I don't tell dates about that, either. It's my place and I know it's totally public... but I just don't advertise it or spread it. But I'm an open and honest person and if someone happens to find it and starts reading, well- they won't read anything there that they couldn't find out from me in person anyway. They just might not THINK to ask the right questions to get the info you could read freely there... but I have no secrets when I go online. If I want to keep it a secret- then I just don't PUT it out there online.

~shrimpy, always WYSIWYG

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 11:08am

No I wouldn't tell a SO. I have told my mom and one of my friends here at work but neither one would go looking for this board and I haven't been THAT specific about it's location. :)

I like that I can come here and talk to other single moms (or dads) and sound things off or give support.

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 8:19pm

My SO knows about the board, but not where it is, or the URL or anything. We have our own computers and I expect him to respect my space. He does, so it's fine. I also know he participates in a message board, although I have no idea its contents and don't care to.

We aren't keeping any secrets, but we each realize the value of having our own space. I know I'm truthful, so him finding anything I say here wouldn't bother me, but it is MY space, and I don't want to share it.

Sometimes I come here to vent when I just want to vent and don't particularly want to have a discussion with him. Sometimes I wnat advice before I speak to him.

Whatever my reasons, I like knowing we each have our own "spaces", and treat this board sort of the way I would a close girlfriend- he can know them, but he'll never have the same relationship I do, and there are some things only your girlfriends will tell you.

Moody, catching up


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 6:58pm
Maybe once we had reached a level of trust and intimacy.

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