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| Fri, 09-07-2007 - 4:34pm |
I probably should ask this on the OLD board but I might get rotten tomatoes or eggs thrown at me LOL, (Just kiddin) anyway, For you onliners here: When you view someone's profile, then they in turn view yours, do you just assume they are not interested if they don't contact you?
This is what I don't like about the "who's viewed me" thing on some of these sites. You don't know whether to contact them or not.

I rarely looked at the "who's viewed me" thing for JUST that reason.
If I looked at someone's profile and liked what I saw, I'd send a wink. If they winked back but didn't email or didn't reply at all, I assumed they weren't that interested.
Sometimes they'd wink back and then weeks later I'd get an email. I know how cyclic OLD can be, and I know there were times when I was contacting too many people to keep track of, so that never really bothered me.
I think if someone doesn't contact me, they're not interested, busy, or afraid of rejection. Either way, they aren't right for me.
Moody, who's modem isn't any less busy since she quit OLD
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I don't know if you can actually put much stake into the "who's viewed me" feature as a sign that someone is interested. When I was active in OLD, I would view many profiles as I shopped. But I didn't make a move to contact EVERY one that I found interesting or saw potential.
I just don't think men do, either. I just think there is QUITE a bit of browsing going on out there. Browsing by people who are not really even ready to 'buy' (make contact), and browsing by others who are still trying to get up the nerve. And browsing by others who might be planning to- but just hasn't had the time right then. So you never know- just because someone viewed your profile but didn't send anything today, doesn't mean he might not send something NEXT week.
I think that is the reason why I tell people to give OLD sites at *least* 3 months- because people have different things going on in their lives, and their opportunities to date might ebb and flow.
I was surfing and dating with OLD consistently for about 6-8 months before I met Hiker. And I'd toyed with it off/on for a few years before that, too. I think of OLD as a way to meet people that requires selectiveness and LOTS of patience. And some nerve and daring, too- if you are wanting to make that first move to make a contact yourself.
And if it means anything, I did send Hiker a 'wink' via Match about 2 yrs before he "found" me and we made contact. Apparently that wink was never noticed before. I'd assumed he was not interested back then, and then was happily surprised when he contacted me! I'd had my eye on him for awhile already! lol
~shrimpy, not missing the 'shopping' at all
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
There's certainly no harm in being the initiator and sending them a message that basically says "Hey, I see that you viewed my profile and I have seen yours too. If you ever want to chat contact me at...."
Sometimes people, especially us shy guys, need a tad bit of encouragement or some kind of indication that a woman is interested. It isn't totally necessary but it helps.
Personally, I've tried online dating and haven't had much success. I think there is way too much emphasis placed on how someone looks in their photo. I've seen people who look great in a photo but not so much in person and vice versa. But I'm just as guilty as anyone else for paying more attention to the face in the picture than to what is written in the profile. I guess I am a bit superficial in that regard.
I am too.... when it comes to the photo... but ya just never know if there will be chemistry until after you meet IRL .... soooo i take a chance.....
but now i know better than to believe the photo because 2D photos just don't look the same as a 3D person..... (i;ve been disappointed almost EVERY time... but i'll keep trying)...
So, tell me, as a shy guy... what do you think about the old theory "if he's interested he'll call...regardless".... and "guys like to pursue...." I know a little flirtation or aggression on the woman's part is okay but still even shy guys like to pursue.. am i wrong? Help us ladies out....
I think ultimately even a shy guy like me likes to make first contact, but a smile or a look goes a long way toward encouraging someone to approach...of course, even then, a look or a gesture can be misinterpreted as a "signal" so it's always a gamble. Guys should not, however, need their hands held and be shown how to behave with women. If a guy doesn't call, I think it's not uncommon that the woman might shoot back an e-mail or a text message or something (again as a sort of nudge that it's ok to open communications), but if he doesn't respond after that it's time to move on.
Everybody has a fear of rejection because we think "Oh, if he/she shot me down then so will the next person and I don't know if my pride can take another hit like that..." So we try to protect ourselves from rejection by arguing whether or not it's worth it to risk getting turned down again. It's like looking for a needle in a stack of needles, lol. You'll eventually get lucky and find one that won't prick you, but no one ever said the process wouldn't be painful;)
Dont worry, all the tomatoes have been used up on MOI' !!!