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| Tue, 03-28-2006 - 2:30pm |
I received a letter in the mail today from c/s enforcement. They have opened a case against my exh for not paying ANY c/s. We have been separated since Nov 04 and divorced March 05.
Okay...so...do I have to send dd if he's not paying anything? Why am I held accountable under the decree or law when he isn't doing his part on the c/s?
Kait

Kait,
It's good that they have opened a case against him. He SHOULD be paying you support regardless.
Is it stated in your divorce decree that if he doesn't (hasn't) paid child support that he would be in contempt? If so, then yes you have EVERY right to restrict visitation from him. Of course, I would suggest you also talk to your lawyer to get the exact wording to see what you're entitled to do. But I know with me, that if he pays, I can't restrict visitation in any way, shape, or form. However, if he does, I could say, not until your caught up.
What I don't understand is the second part of your question. Why would you be held accountable under the decree? c/s?? What exactly are you being accountable for? What do you mean here? I'm confused.
Frankly, if you think about it, this is ONE way to limit her from being hurt again.
Lisa
Kait, what does your order say? I don't have much experience with these, but I know exactly how you feel! If he doesn't have to take responsibilty financially, why should he get any visiation rights? ESPECIALLY when he's shown how irresponsible he is when he has her!
I would ask your lawyer to be sure, but tell him he can't see her until you have talked to your lawyer, and take your sweet time about it. Let him know why, and maybe that'll be some incentive for him to pony up.
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I mean why can/could I be in contempt of court for not sending her if he isn't in contempt of court for not paying.
It just seems that there is a double standard and it bugs the crap out of me! Why should I have to bend over backwards to do everything in the divorce decree, plus send her to him and allow her to be in danger, and he has to do nothing. He's supposed to be in anger management classes and parenting classes as per the divorce, and he's not. However, if I diviate even one little inch from what the decree says, then I'm in trouble.
Kait
Well, you shouldn't be in contempt UNLESS there is something in there stating that you are not allowed to restrict visitation with the father regardless of child support payments.
The divorce decree should have been developed between the four of you (2lawyers 2 of you)and agreed upon at the trial date. It should be all stated there. If you are bending backwards and he isn't then you need to go back to court to get things modified. That SUCKS trust me. I'm nearing my 2 year process of doing just that. It's been hell to get my visitation modified for the best interest of my daughter and I still don't know what the outcome is.
FIGHT For what you believe is right. I have a saying that I have on my fridge at home it states "Struggle for as hard as you can for whatever you believe in". There has been many a days that I have looked at that saying when things were looking so bleak. STAY STRONG. Fight for your daughter, for what is right, for her safety, and what she needs to stay healthy.
Kait, He's in contempt ALL OVER THE PLACE.. any judge will see that. He's ORDERD by the court to attend classes. He's not. He's ORDERED to pay child support. He's NOT. That's contempt right there.
You both have to hold up to your ends of the deal here. As long as you are doing your part in the divorce, you are OK in the eyes of the court. TRUST ME. Yeah, it sucks to see him get away with all this crap, but remember, What goes around, comes around.. and when it does, it comes three-fold..So hold on.. it's coming around.. I can see it.. Just get your lawyer involved, inform her, document EVERYTHING. phone calls, visitation times, dates, what happened, take pictures.. EVERYTHING. IT sucks, but you have to be vigilant about this if you really want to protect her from being neglected again.
The only reason why he hasn't been 'in trouble' as you put it is because he hasn't been CAUGHT.
STAY STRONG.. you're doing the right things.. just contact your lawyer.
Lisa
Child support and visitation are 2 separate animals. You may not interfere with visitation just because he isn't paying - you have to seek these two things separately. You could be in contempt to disallow visitation and right now you need all the cards stacked up in your favor to get his visitation adjusted so it meets his competency level.
I would add this as fuel to the fire to keep his visitations short and supervised.
You will have to go after child support and limited visitation as 2 separate issues. Be very careful and do everything by the book. Your daughter's safety and future depend on this greatly.
Keep us posted.
WHY? To prove you are the bigger person who is mature and can handle everything. To strengthen your case as primary custodial parent with sole custody.
The courts always favor the one who can promote the bond of both parents with the child and keep the child's best interest at heart.
They never like anyone that even hints of having parental alienation syndrome.
Treat this like you are at work and have to deal with someone you don't like. You don't let on that you don't like them. You maintain civilness and "professionalness" - and just get it done.
Exactly! I appologize for not being clearer on the visitation/support issues. Yes, they are separate, but in some cases, some are tied together.As of right now, the way your decree stands (as you explained) you cannot deny visitation. That is correct. When you go back to court will have to be addressed seperately.
I totally agree with the last two posts... Keep em' close. Stay professional, stay on your game. Being the stronger or the 'bigger' will get you everywhere you want to be. (think of it like VISA)everywhere you want to be ;) (sorry.. trying to lighten it up a bit) ;)
The court will see that, and see you as the stronger, dependable one.
Kait,
I know this is hard for you,
Edited 3/29/2006 6:52 pm ET by fivesense