question about meals

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
question about meals
8
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 10:49pm

Just curious, for those of you whose kids have regular visitation with their dads, and if the dads are still single, what sort of meals do they prepare for the kids?

I'm wondering if Reese's Pieces are considered a meal in other people's lives (you know, the peanut butter is protein, the chocolate is dairy). Or if it's just in my exes brain.

I don't mean to offend the guys who do take responsibility for their kids, I'm just kind of wondering if my ex is typical or not. Last night's dinner was "fried chicken from the gas station and baked beans from a can." And NONE of our kids eat baked beans.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 11:25pm

I don't know if it's typical, but I certainly don't think it's acceptable, if the visitation is regular and this is the way the kids eat on a regular basis. There are worse things you can do to a kid, but nonetheless, nutrition really is important. Obesity and so called "diseases of affluence" are becoming all too common with kids and they really need to be taught to eat basically healthy, at least most of the time.

My ex is no pinnacle of society but, in his defense, he does manage to put together some simple meals. Ex will make them the same things that he knows they like, such as hamburgers, beans, rice, and lots of fruit. When we were married, ex cooked a lot so I know that he does really make these things. My kids are quite little and therefore not good squealers (at least not with the info you like to know) so I'm not sure how much of the time they are eating healthy and how much of the time they are eating "frog cereal." I dont even know what frog cereal is but I'm sure its just sugar in a bowl. Ex and I talk and, in theory, we are on the same page, but he is a "yes" man, so who knows.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 11:26pm

LOL!

Could be that he's just a really bad cook? At least my ex is a good cook, so no, I don't worry when ds eats there.

Perhaps you could jot down a few kid friendly ideas of quick easy to make meals for your ex? He just might need a little push in the right direction. Also, giving him a list of the kids favorite cereals, snacks, dinners, etc could help. That way if they spend the night, dad will have their favorite cereal there for them in the morning- not reese cups.

But don't worry, your kids will be okay if they eat beans at dad's and not at mom's, they might even like them, who knows?

Good luck,
Alison

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 11:55pm

That sounds like my ex. There was a steady progression in her lunch from things that I used to keep in the house for her lunches to the things he packs for her on his weeks. First he switched from the good yogurt to yogurt with sprinkles, then I'd see some cookies in there, then the 100% juice switched to one with added sugar and then all the sudden candy bars started appearing in there. Candy bars! She's 4 and in preschool! The only reason I know they go in there is on Fridays when he drops her off and I pick her up, because they are still in there! The teachers don't give her the candy bars! Doesn't he realize this? I am sure he just gives it to her on the ride home after school most days he has her. I just take them out and hide them (sometimes later I eat them myself, lol). One day a couple weeks ago I was stuck in traffic so I asked him to pick her up, and we agreed to meet at a convenience store nearby. I got there as they were coming out, with TWO gigantic cookies in her hands. She says "mommy, this one is for now and this one is for tomorrow." OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was dinner time!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, deep breath. What I do is feed as many fruits and veggies when she's here as I can. Her and I talk about which foods make you grow bigger and stronger, and which one's don't do anything for you and aren't good for you. Hopefully she will grow up and make healthy choices due to my influence. I am sure the fact he loves her and is there for her when she needs him counterbalances the effects of candy bars and cookies in her lunch, but you hit a nerve with your post.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 10:58am

Personally I think you have to pick your battles. As long as their dad is seeing them on a regular basis, paying child support on time, and enrichening their lives in some manner, the important stuff is covered.

While that menu is not certainly any where near an optimal meal, it could be worse. He just isn't into cooking and I don't think it is your place to make him feel bad or point that out. You wouldn't like it if he told you what to cook.

My exh does prepare okay meals - but sometimes they get so busy playing that they forget to eat breakfast. Or he feeds him some sweet cereal. I have only mentioned this to exh once - that you need to make sure ds has a good, no-sugar breakfast so he does well in school. I did not say it like exh is stupid or a bad father - like I was giving him the inside story. And he appreciated that advice and takes it to this day. But I never say anything else to exh or ds. And if ds comes here around lunch time and has not had breakfast I make light of it - like you must be having so much fun with your dad that you forgot to eat!!

Attitude is everything...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 7:18pm



"Personally I think you have to pick your battles. As long as their dad is seeing them on a regular basis, paying child support on time, and enrichening their lives in some manner, the important stuff is covered."

This isn't a battle, we are actually getting along fairly well right now. I was just curious to know whether this is the norm or not.

I would like to add, though, that he DOESN'T see them on a regular basis, since he has been working in NJ and we live in SC. He was just in town this past weekend. Nobody knows when they will see him again, they are talking about flying up to NJ this summer so it could be a long time. Also, he has NEVER paid the amount of child support the court ordered, not once. I am working 2 jobs while having full responsibility for 3 kids, so yes, when he does see them I expect him to BE responsible and I don't think cooking a meal once in a while is too much to expect. I did ask him about it once but he said all he has in his fridge is leftover pizza. I suggested he buy some food when they go visit but he said he'd have to clean out the fridge (all that pizza I guess) to make room and he never got around to it. I used to actually send cooked meals but stopped that long ago. But no, I don't hassle him about it because I'm just glad for the time they get to see their father and also for whatever little time I can grab for myself!

On the other hand, they went to the zoo, and for a long bike ride, so there is some quality to their time together, it's just not what I would consider parenting, when the kids don't eat a decent meal, bathe, or brush their teeth for an entire weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 7:27pm

Just tell yourself they are camping!!!!

I'm sorry. My ex is a really good cook and a really good eater and he eats "clean" almost 99% of the time - and feeds our son pretty well, too.

I don't think it's normal, I don't think it's excusable, but I DO think it might be something that you simply have to get over - especially since he doesn't see them very often in the first place.

HUGS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 8:46pm

Oh dear - you poor thing! It sounds like you work really hard and shoulder most of the burden with the children by yourself. I do hope that somehow it will get easier or he will come around more soon.

I guess you just have to be glad for what he does. Your kids are lucky that you can juggle so much by yourself.

I read your profile - your kids are older - maybe you can work with them to take care of their hygiene themselves - I would be inclined to say that they have to be responsible for themselves - and that it is great that dad has fun - but don't wait for him to remind you to bathe and brush your teeth!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 9:40pm


Just tell yourself they are camping!!!!

I needed that laugh!!