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| Sun, 10-29-2006 - 2:04pm |
It has been a long time since I have been here. And I pretty much know the answer to my question, but I need some validation right now...so I would appreciate a moment of your time.
My BF and I have been dating for 3 years. Have talked about getting married. At first it was very difficult for him, then I left and he came back saying this is what he wants. Before I left back in April, he asked to borrow a significant amount of money to start up a business. Which I replied that I can't because my income is limited...i'm a teacher...and if something happened to me or my daughter I need to be finacially ready for anything.
The he came back in early June ready to get married. Asked me to begin a job search in his town, which i did not want to before we got married. (I have been very fortunate and have always got the job I have applied for) I came extremely close to taking the job, the only problem i was having a difficult time with was the fact if we found a house to rent our rent would go up $1000 (and currently we live in two different places). Also, my salary would have been cut by 15K per year. I didn't think it was the best option if we were to save for his business and for a house (I don't believe in renting and I wasn't selling my home)
Anyway, the other day he asked me for the $$ again...10,000. In which I had the same answers. Now I am being blamed for being selfish and it is my fault we are not married right now, since this would help out his business. Please note that we did take a trip to Vegas in early October where he lost 3-4K.
As I said, I think I know what I need to do and that is to cut my losess and move on. But I am also known for liking things my way...i'm an only child. However, I have worked my ass off to be where I currently am. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this.
Thanks for your time.

There is NO WAY I would lend him that kind of money. NO WAY.
You always have to act in YOUR best interest, because if you don't then no one else will. And now that you have a kid, you are that kid's hero (please see the lovely poem in the OT discussions below) - so you don't have a choice.
He has to get his act together to launch the business if that is what he chooses - and to want to marry you and make your life easier, not harder. It sounds like it is all about him. Lend ME this money. Move here near ME. Find a new job for ME.
POO POO POO - honey you can so do better than this.
I would cut it and look for someone who will make your life better. If he is asking for all of this now, imagine what will happen AFTER you are hitched.
RUN!! Listen to yourself!! Or at the very least, tell him you will not be able to lend him the money but don't want to further pressure him with marriage - call you when he is really ready because this isn't the right time for him and you have your own self to worry about, too.
Thanks for stopping by - you are very welcome here any time.
Edited 10/29/2006 4:48 pm ET by cl-west1745
I agree with Judy and Rebecca- RUN!!!
Judy makes a great point about the "move near ME, lend money to ME, find work near ME..."
RUN from that guy. Do not even consider giving him any money. You will never see that money again. He's not stable. Even if he never asked you for $10,000, I would recommend leaving any man who lost $3,000 to $4,000 in Las Vegas. That is someone who is impulsive and reckless.
You have a child. Protect yourselves. You need to keep your current job. Look for someone who is completely settled in life. A homeowner and someone who has an established career like you do.
"Look for someone who is completely settled in life."
That is the best advice for any of us. I always say "HERE NOW, READY NOW!"