a question of ethics - please give input

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
a question of ethics - please give input
31
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 1:00pm
erased by poster


Edited 6/4/2008 1:03 pm ET by citylife74
Lilypie - Personal picture

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 1:26pm

WOW.


Whew- well first let me give my condolences to you and your dad for losing a part of your heart, first to his leaving then to cancer. I'm sorry your dad has to feel this..he sounds like he has an incredibly big heart. It sounds like he even forgave David to the point of wanting to catch up and be friendly. It is sad that David did not- but then it sounds to me that it was very much Ron's influence that kept David from even talking to your dad.


As for the money..yes that is quite a bit ethical dilemma! If I was your dad it would put me off quite a bit that Ron wants and feels entitled to the money yet refuses to talk to your dad. He needs to grow up a bit. I bet if Ron just was friendly to your dad, your dad would have no questions at all about giving Ron the money.


Part of me says too bad- the money goes to your dad and Ron loses out because he and David should have ironed out the details before David passed away. It makes me wonder too why David did not make changes to the accounts before he passed- why did he not put things in Rons name? Do you think maybe inside secretly or even not so secretly David wanted your dad to have that money- to benefit your dad and you and your brother and families?


I can't say what is right but only what comes to my mind as to what I would do in that case. I suppose I would take the money and give Ron half or more, it seems like the right things to do, then keep the rest to put into a fund or program your dad cared about or even towards your dads own retirement- make good use of the amount he keeps. What ever he decides it sounds like he will have to work through Rons lawyer which is pretty impersonal and cold if you ask me. He's asking for a lot and being cold too.


I'm sorry that you dad has to face this dilemma.. does he have any time to take to reflect on what feels right or does a decision have to be made right away?


~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 1:27pm

Oh wow, that's a tough one.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 1:29pm

Who knows what David really wanted?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 1:34pm
I think your dad should keep the money and give some to Ron.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 1:45pm

City - I am so sorry for your loss of David.


Well...this is a tough one but I suspect that the policies where either left in your father's name or signed back to your father's name for a reason.

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 2:01pm

City,


Let me echo the sentiments of our fellow boardies and offer my condolonces at your loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 2:32pm
erased by poster


Edited 6/4/2008 1:04 pm ET by citylife74
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 2:42pm

Conisdering this is the person that wrecked your family would you honor what you thought your ex's wishes were in taking care of the other woman?


That's the question- and like Mark said no one really knows exept maybe Ron what David really wanted. And you can't be certain Ron will tell the honest truth. This does put your dad in quite a quandry.


To answer this question- if I KNEW for certain what my ex wished for, even if it was to give everything to the other woman, it would hurt but I'd do it. But in your dads case I don't see the ceretainty. And its too bad Ron can't be a more open guy and just talk to your dad. Then your dad could get a better understanding maybe.


Could your dad get a lawyer too? Not to be harsh but just to help him with the decisions and verbage and to help with the legalities?

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 2:55pm
erased by poster


Edited 6/4/2008 1:04 pm ET by citylife74
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 2:56pm

ITA with West that perhaps some of the money could go toward funeral expenses and to medical bills and then he keep the rest.

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