Question -- Kids/No Kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Question -- Kids/No Kids
6
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 10:14am

I was speaking with a single/no child(ren) friend of mine that stated life as a single person with no children is just as hard as a single person with children because their schedule is so full. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 10:23am

I don't know. Back in the days before DS I had a really hard strenuous job that was hours and hours and hours - weekends and holidays especially. And while I was footloose and fancy free, I was not as leisurely and happy as now even though I have one DS. I think that him growing up and my ability to make more money has been key.

I think parents who have many young children really have it the toughest. Because when kids are little they are very high maintenance with things that are not enjoyable, at least to me. It is downright back breaking to feed, entertain, bathe and soothe the little ones, never to mention clean up their mess! Can you imagine a whole house full of toddlers? But then again I know moms who love all that stuff and don't freak over a mess in the house or the bedlam. I guess it is all relative to each person?

I think good parents in general are less selfish and understand the joy of raising a kid and they are able to manage their time better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 10:42am

Wow... I think that people without children probably do believe that to be true. In fact I might have actually thought that when I was single. But reality is that when you have children, you are no longer completely in control of your own needs and obligations. It is no longer a personal choice.

As a single parent you have a responsibility to look after the needs of your children. Free time is fleeting. As a single parent who works full time and volunteers some time as well, I still have the same number of obligations as I did when I was single, but on top of that I also have to meet the daycare timelines and deadlines, schedule/organize extra curricular activities, juggle obligations when my children are sick, help plan and organize their free time, etc etc etc.

I think, as a single person you have more discretionary time. That is not to say that you do not have obligations to meet expectations etc. I worked like a dog when I was single and I played really hard too - but that was my choice. Now, as a single working parent, my time is equally filled. No matter how much you have to do there's only going to be 24hrs in a day.

So bottom line - I get why a single person believes that to be true, but I humbly disagree.

Rose.

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 11:16am

Totally disagree. They can try my life for a week, I'm sure they will be screaming to get back to their own ASAP.

I feel bad for that person, if they think it's tough now, just wait until kids do come along into the picture.

I can write a book about the differences btw single vs single/w kids, but I don't have the time :-)

The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 1:10pm

Having never been an adult without children (I was 17 when my son was born), I wouldn't know. However, I do have friends that didn't have kids until later in life than I did, and they sure as heck didn't seem as busy to me- but maybe that's simply because I never lived their life.

I also think they would agree with me that juggling life was much easier when they were only responsible for themselves, and did whatever they wanted to.

Now that the majority of my friends have children, it's hard for any of us to remember life without them- but none of us miss those late nights partying for days on end, jumping in the car at a moment's notice to take a three day trip to the beach, or the quiet that descended on our houses when our friends all left. Not at all.

Moody, pulling her tongue out of her cheek


Powered by CGISpy.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2007
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 8:04pm

Before DS came along I had alot of free time, I mean I could lay around on the couch on my days off and sleep for the whole 2 days, then when I worked on the weekends, I would still go out and party with friends after... Nope I had plenty of time to recover, and If I had to go into work tired, it was by choice from the late night.

Now I only get about a half a day, here and there for myself to lounge and be lazy,.My time is full, and it isn't due to choice. Yes I chose to have my son, I mean, it's filled with meeting his needs,, doing things for him.

I love it beyond anything I have ever known and thank God for that sweet boy every day,,, and I'll sleep plenty when he moves out and meets a woman and she takes him away from me...haha.

I suppose they are just as busy, but I don't think they get the full effect of busy on demand..

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 8:26pm

I don't believe life as a single-no-kids is as hard as a single-with-kids. You have no one to take care of but yourself when you're single with no kids. You can fill your days and weekends up FULL but it's all to your own specifications and you can do basically whatever you want. It's pure freedom!

But once you have kids, your schedule has to coorrelate with the kids' schedules and you have these precious little people depending on you to keep their lives going. You're not on your own anymore, with nothing but your own whims. You can't work full-time and overtime as much as you want anymore (I did that before kids) but now it's a matter of juggling work with 'off' time so you can be a parent for your children. You can't work more to make more money- but yet the bills still need to be paid.

It's definitely less freedom- but in no way is it a BAD life! I think that as a single-with-kids, life is fuller and more meaningful. It gives you something beyond yourself to live for and live with. I remember spending a WHOLE DAY camped out in my recliner on a day off- and did NOTHING but work on my Christmas tree skirt (a cross-stitched design). I sat there and either watched tv or listened to the stereo- and worked on that thing. From the time I got up until I went to bed. I didn't even realize I was doing it ALL DAY until the day was gone!! I enjoyed it, sure- and it was a really relaxing way to spend/waste a day off- and sometimes I would love to have THAT much free time to just sit and work on a project nowadays! But to look back on that- it seemed awfully lonely and isolated as well. I actually spent a whole day doing that- and it didn't matter. No one cared.

But with kids, you have people with you that matter. And people with you who care.

So yeah, it's harder and you just lose all your free time once you have kids... but the blessings are much richer.

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<