question - poignant moments

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
question - poignant moments
5
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 5:44pm

I'm wondering what your most poignant moment of the week was. Something that tugged at your heart strings. I'm sure we all have them.


Mine happened today, when I was talking to the people who work at the Mexican restaurant where I had lunch. I know just enough spanish now that I will risk talking to them and they each came and talked to me a little today about learning english. One guy has always been so nice about waiting for me to understand what he's said. HE came over, sat down across from me and told me, in spanglish, that he reads pretty well in english, but needs to learn to write better, that he had some schooling in another state and he really wants to learn enough to take his GED. He said "do you think it's possible?" and the look in his eyes made me think how hard it would be to not be able to make it here, because you couldn't understand the language.


I said "SI, es muy bueno!" Yes, it's very good!


I hope I get the chance to teach him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 8:54pm

That is such a sweet story and you have such a good heart. Wow!!

Maybe mine was today - I showed my babysitter how to make a beautiful blueberry pie from scratch. She is taking it to her boyfriend's parents house tomorrow. Her sister was cleaning out my oven - with me holding up the heating element with a towel and the sister using a broom to sweep it!! We had spilled flour and some pizza goodies the day before and it was a mess.

I joked that her sister and I were like the 2 step sisters cleaning and preparing a pie for Cinderella to go to the ball. We were all laughing so hard.

I was referring to us as the step sisters because we are both in the patience boat - no guys to date right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 11:38pm

I think I had a big week, so I have a couple.

The first was last Saturday when I realized that if I wanted my bf to be here with me when I was sick (it was a sinus thing and I was just feeling run down and needed to be cuddled) that I had to tell him what I needed. He could respond however he wanted to my request, but I would never know what his response would be if I didn't ask. I was so afraid he'd let me down, and when he said "I'll be there in an hour" it was a great feeling.

The second was Sunday when he said that he couldn't be around my dd right now. I realized what his best for him is best for dd right now too. Even though it's right, it does make me sad. Sunday was pretty hard for me. Edit: I cried all day and wrote a really long email to my bf that I almost sent several times. I rewrote it and rewrote it and it was a big struggle to take my own advice: write the letter, don't send it. In the end I'm glad I didn't send it.

The third was on Tuesday morning when I finally got the guts up to tell my bf how I felt about him (read post #5 and you'll see what got me to say this, life is too short). He can't return the favor right now, he's trying to hold back until he knows if he's staying or going (this is because the only thing I'm dealing with his the idea of losing him, he's dealing with trying to be involved in his son's life from a distance and court problems and money problems, and while our relationship is important to him it's not the hardest or most immediate thing he's focused on). It felt good to say how I felt, but hard to be reminded where I fit into all this. Edit: I also went to therapy Wednesday and afterward felt good that I was still staying in this for the right reasons.

The fourth was on Thursday when I had one of my regular visits with the rheumatologist. I used to have to go every 4 weeks. The longer I do well on my current medications, the longer I get to go between visits. I had another great checkup (which of course I knew would be a great checkup because the main factor is the report I give to my doctor - but also this was the first visit after getting off the steriods - which took me about 9 months to wean off of, and I got to tell him that I didn't need to use another pain medication to help the transition when I stopped the steriods, which was awesome). Rheumatoid arthritis can be a very difficult disease to get under control, and the doctor can often be the key factor in whether you get the right treatment (although sometimes even when you do everything right it nothing works). When it's under control it's not that bad of a disease. When it's not under control it can be devastating. My doctor checked out my hands and feet and bloodwork and told me "Good Job" and I told him right back "Good Job!" He's absolutely the best doctor. He doesn't just ask me how I'm feeling with the arthritis, he asks about my bf, my dd, my relationship with my ex, my job - he treats me, not just my disease. My next checkup isn't for 14 weeks!

There were ups and downs for me this week - but overall the important thing is that I am doing the best I can with what I have been dealt, and even when things are hard I keep trying to make the best decisions I can and I don't give up.




Edited 3/12/2005 1:26 am ET ET by firstamendment

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 12:20am

wow, you have had a HUGE week! (hugs)...sounds like you're getting through it great. I admire your strength and calmness.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 12:53am

I can't believe forgot to post the most important poignant moment of the week.

I was supposed to go to Boston this weekend. DD and I drive up to visit my friend from college and her husband and twin girls about 3-4 times per year. We leave after work on Friday and come back Sunday (it's about a 6 hour drive). I always enjoy getting out of town for a few days and seeing my friend. We met in college in AZ (ASU). Her sister lives in AZ (the reason she initially moved there) and I used to hang out with her, her sister and her neice and nephew when I lived there.

My friend called Monday night to say she had to cancel our visit. Her neice was killed in a car accident that day and she was going to AZ the next morning. Her neice was 18 and had only had her license for a few months. In AZ there are lots of really wide, highway like roads. Her niece was turning left and turned in front of a tractor trailer, who hit her car and flipped it into a telephone pole. Her neice and her sister had been having lots of problems (as teenagers often do) and my friend had just offered to let her neice come and live with her in Boston if she wanted. When my friend had her twins, her niece came for the summer and helped her out (twins are now almost 3). Her and her neice were very close. My friend's sister is of course having a hard time, but it's compounded by the fact that her and her daughter had been fighting so much lately. Just one more thing to add to an impossible to accept situation.

I did my best to comfort my friend on the phone, and let her know I am here whatever she needs and will come up some time after she is back when she feels ready. I was talking to her and I know that her life is forever changed for this. When someone close to you dies, and especially someone who dies young, it becomes a part of who you are, it changes who you are. I have always been keenly aware of how short life can be. The fact that my father died at age 34 and I am age 34 is something that I am always concious of. I took a class when I first went to college (I then dropped out and went back years later) about death and dying. It was the only class I never missed, and the only one I did well in. We had to write two papers for the course. One was a personal paper, I wrote about my father's death when I was 11. The other was a research paper, and I researched grieving the loss of a child. It is my belief that a parent losing a child is the hardest death to cope with, and a child losing a parent is the second hardest. Any time someone dies young there is another complexity to it. You don't just grieve the loss of that person, but the loss of everything that could have been if they had lived. There are some things you never get over, and this is one of them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 6:56am

Wow First,

You have had a really full week with so many turns. I am happy for you that you could write and rewrite that letter and not send it. That took a lot of strength. Somehow, from this report here, I have a good feeling about your situation with your bf. And Laura's post about her engagement shows that you just never know how something will turn out!!

And the doctor's report and visit are WONDERFUL!! That is so good!!

Keep doing good and keep us posted!!

(I am sorry to hear the news about your friend's niece - that is so devastating - and a lesson for all of us about life.)