Question of the week and Therapy Session

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Registered: 04-08-2003
Question of the week and Therapy Session
37
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 8:51am
Ok, before I even begin to tell you about the events that took place last night. Let's all have a stab at how long the widower has been single. I know the answer, but can you guess it? I will let you know after we get a few guesses, with a very
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Registered: 11-03-2003
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 10:32am

It's wonderful that you took

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Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 10:46am

Oh wow... he's a FRESH widow. A really fresh one!!!


And wow about the stuff you guys must've talked about. I can see how you could help more than his own therapist, because if his therapist hasn't faced cancer before... then you have a "window" that he doesn't have. You can open it and share it and that alone can do wonders. The whole deal with why cancer support groups work so well- because you just DON'T know until you've been in it. And for me (and him) who just lived a loved-one having it... it's still not the same as having it yourself (like you did). But it's much easier to understand than for someone who has never had any cancer invading their lives at all.


I do think you were brought into his life at a good time, and that you have helped him. That might've been all you were meant to be to him. Or maybe you'll become good friends. Or maybe in time... you could be more. But for right now- the future and plans are best left alone, as you know- and as HE now knows, too. I'm glad you were able to talk honestly with him and let him know that it's OKAY to be alone for awhile. To know that he NEEDS to be alone for now, too!! I'm surprised he is even feeling pressure to try to be so "normal" when this situation is anything but normal!!! Poor guy! I wonder if it was pressure he felt he needed to

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

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Registered: 09-11-2007
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 11:02am

Wow Cat.

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Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 11:02am
OMG - what a find, right? On one hand he sounds so good on paper and then on the other hand the whole thing shows he is not ready yet. But at the very least you have a good friend for now who you can connect with about the whole cancer thing. I agree with what shrimps and everyone else writes to you. And Soonee says it best - the whole BTDT thing is important. You were most kind. I bet you are tired now!
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Registered: 08-10-2007
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 11:04am

I must admit I gasped!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 11:10am

I know this is a sensitive subject but im giggling my head off after reading that opener (I think the fever is getting to me) LOL ...you made him sound like a fresh piece of meat on the chopping block...LOL


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 11:33am
I just wanted to chime in and say you are great for taking that time ad opening your heart and mind to this guy. He has obviously been through a lot and I know it must have meant the world to him to have someone who can both tell it to him straight as well as relate to what he was going through and feeling. I hope it does turn into a great friendship for both of you. It feels like to me that the universe granted you an opportunity to embrace your true self last night and you did. I bet you feel good about that because this is what living in the light is all about - I have been thinking about you ever since that other post about the dark...
Lilypie - Personal picture
Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 11:33am

I have to admit, I feel a little drained today, but I feel incredibly good. Yesterday seemed a very odd day for me.


I found someone's cell phone on the street and did some investigating to bring it back to them. I called their families and finally them to let them know where I brought it too. Unfortunately, no one called me back to thank me. I hope that person realizes how fortunate they were with a blackberry phone lost and all the connections and numbers. OH WELL. I was glad that I stopped to pick it up instead of just walking on...


Then, I attend my PT&D (positive thinking and doing) meetup. It was the first one and it was incredible. VERY VERY inspiring and maybe the key to why I was able to really connect to him due to the prior seminar I attended. I was able to discuss certain things that made a lot of sense on how we live our daily lives. It was all about baby steps towards making huge changes in your life and how those baby steps can negatively or positively affect you. The meetup is awesome and next week we will have a meditation class. It's all free and I just found it great to be surrounded by some very neat people that reached out to me. We had to discuss why we were at the meetup and I honestly said, to find out how to get out of my negative relationship pattern. To release the negative energy my body has that attracts energy vampires in my life. It was great and very interesting how people took the time to sit with me and discuss what helped them and how they wanted to help me (no money involved) by just getting to the source. Kind of what Soonee said about people relating to me because they were BTDT situation and someone reached out to them. So one person giving to another and I felt last night conversation with the widower was my way of giving to him. Not with expectations or hidden agenda's but for pure purposes of helping.


Has anyone read the book: The slight edge?


I am buying it today, but I recommend it.


I'm going to write a little about it and send a diagram/example

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 11:56am

Yay, Cat! I'm all for doing things that will allow you to find the peace within. To find happiness not in something else, or someone else- but to find it from within. To realize that despite all the busy-ness and hardships of life (such as the monthly bills, daily chores, etc)- we can still be truly happy no matter where we are. WITHOUT someone else to give it to us. And without us having the pressure of trying to please someone, or make someone else happy- because it's all up to that other person to find his/her own happiness as well.


Sounds like the group is helping you break through the negative thoughts or fears of negative things happening. Yay for you!!!!


I've never heard of that book. But once you get it- share with us what you learn!


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 11:58am

OK, THE DIAGRAM SHOWS ONE WAY UP AND ONE WAY DOWN


Take person A. and person B.


Person A. wants a better relationship


Person B. does too


So everyday, person A, read 10 minutes in a book about how to become a better partner.


Person B, hangs out with friends, watches t.v., goes to a bar and drinks, dates, etc.