A question for you all

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
A question for you all
7
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 1:05pm
As you all know, I lost my husband to a motorcycle accident last June. And everyone knows that I have met my wonderful Mike. My question for you all is....should I tell Aaron's parents? not any details, just that I've met someone...etc. And the reason I am asking this is because Aaron's parents are gonna watch Hunter this Saturday night so that I can bowl in a tournament (with Mike) Would it be wrong of me to bring Mike to drop Hunter off? I'm so so confused. I know Aaron's parents don't expect me to stay single, but I'd rather they hear from me that I'm dating, instead of hearing it thru the grapevine...kwim? Any thoughts or suggestions would be GREATLY appreicated....TIA!






iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 1:26pm

Janet, when I started dating again, after my divorce, I felt kind of weird about it with my in-laws. I had stayed very close to them. I know it isn't at all the same as a death, but since my exhusband isn't in the picture at all, he is basically dead to my daughter. She was 3 months old when he left, and she's never seen him since.

Anyhow, eventually, they asked me if I'd met anyone new, and I didn't lie, but afterward, I kicked myself for not telling them sooner, casually, that I was dating someone. My advice would be to maybe not necessarily introduce them this time, but at least tell them that you're dating someone and happy.

They'd want that for you, but more importantly, they'd want that for Hunter. He deserves to have Mike in his life, too. His grandparents will be happy that you've found such a wonderful man who loves Hunter, and is so happy to be a part of his life. Pretty soon, Hunter will be the one to tell them, and that would be awkward!

I think when you drop him off, you could just say, I know you'll be happy for me, I've met a wonderful man... and Aaron would be happy for me, too.

If you go into it expecting them to like Mike, and make those expectations clear by saying something to the effect of "I know you'll be happy for me," people usually are, at least in my experience.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 1:36pm
thanks for the response Moody, and especially thanks for the ideas on what to say, because I was at a total loss for that...now to just do it.....






iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 2:10pm
I think you being concerned about your former in-laws feelings shows what a caring person you are. They are going to find out sooner or later, so I think it would be best if you told them. If they love you and Hunter, they will be happy for you. I am sure they will feel some sadness about the loss of their son, but there is no way you can really avoid this. You can put it off, but hearing it directly from you would be much better than having someone else tell them out of the blue.
Good luck, I know it must be hard to try and figure out how to tell them.
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 9:24pm
I think you should call Aarons Mom tomorrow morning and tell her that you have met a super guy that you and Hunter have been spending a lot of time with. Ask her if she is comfortable with meeting him when you drop Hunter off. I think if you let it be her call, it gives her a little control of the situation and doesn't seem pushy on your part.
I know I wouldn't appreciate a drop in with a new boyfriend if I were in this position. And a heads up will give her the opportunity to make her first best impression. It also gives her a few hours to get used to the idea that you are putting your life back together and dating again.
Nobody likes surpises like that, just dropping in with a new friend.
I say let them know in advance. I know they want what is best for Hunter and you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 10:54pm

Oh Janet,


What a toughie!!!


I love Tina's idea of saying, "I know you'll be happy for me..."


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 9:34pm

I hope my reply is not too late - but I agree with everyone here - it is better that you are honest with them and that the news comes from you. For now, until an engagement becomes official, I would not give too many details or expect instant approval - just say you are dating and that you will put Hunter's needs to the front.

This is a hard time for them but I know they will want what is best for you and Hunter. And it is happy news for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 10:01am

I have a heartwarming story for you.