Quick - what you think of this one1

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Quick - what you think of this one1
48
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 3:26pm

he is writing from match - here is his profile:

Hi, first, I must say that I am very family oriented. Family is very important to me. I am a high energy person. I like to do things that keep me busy. I usually dont like to sit and watch TV. I like to workout, bike ride, ice skate, play tennis, take yoga. go to concerts. I played ice hockey in college. I also enjoy watching some sports. Fitness is very important to me. I workout 5 days a week at the gym. I used to take yoga 3 times a week. I also eat very healthy. I like to cook healthy meals at home. But I do like cake! I was a Police Officer for 8 years when I first relocated to the Boca Raton area after college. I later became a massage therapist and personal trainer for 8 years. I am now involved in real estate. I work for a big residential company and am also involved in a family real estate business involving rental properties in New york City. Music is my second biggest love. I love to dance, go to outdoor concerts, and shows. I love R&B, jazz, the oldies. Almost any motown. I am a soulful person. I was a drummer growing up so anything with a good beat I like! I am sympathetic and empathetic. I am also very passionate. I love movies. I even took acting lessons at one time. I am a hard worker. If I set my mind to do something I dont stop until I am finished. I usually like to do things that most people would never think of doing. For example, a train ride to Miami just for fun. I like to walk the beach in the evening or at night. I have a hammock and there is nothing more relaxing then laying on the hammock and looking up at the stars in the night sky. I also love the ocean. I usually take a cruise every year to places like Cozumel, Belize, Grand Caman, San Juan, St Thomas, St Marteen. I just really love life! Im looking for a women who has some of what I just described! She should be soulful and passionate like me. Family oriented and have a good heart. Energetic and active. sexy and sweet. And honesty is high on my list. Just be honest! Why cant people do that! Life is to short for lies. And one more thing. She has to love to cuddle while watching a movie!! I believe in fate. And love is the strongest force in the universe!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 11:37pm
Damn!

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 12:14am

I can STILL palpate the REVULSION those last few months. Literal, REVULSION when he would hug me from behind in bed. & it wasnt for sex at all


My ex was a cuddler as well.....I can totally relate to that feeling as well...I actually cracked two molars from grinding my teeth because of that repulsive feeling.

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 5:52am

I know - but whatever. It is not like my profile has been up there for 6 months and he is the only bite.

I am not liking a few things about him already. I was thinking about it on my run.

The "splice" from him so far is that he asked very probing questions (how old is your son, where does his dad live, do you two get along, when does his dad take him, what do you do for work, what about church, where did you go to school - that kind of thing and it did put me off I have to admit as I think about it more) - and is all about him on his schedule. Plus he lives far away. So I am going to put him in the "so-so" file.

By "splice" - I mean the splice of conversation and interaction we have had so far. I have been reading this book Blink and found it to be very insightful and well researched and written. The basic tenet that applies to us is that you don't need to date someone for months and months to see if they are a good prospect. You just need to pay attention to your conversation to detect if they are respectful and generous of heart and open minded. The things to watch out for are contempt, criticism and defensiveness. In this case I would say selfishness is what applies - that he is asking me very probing questions to see what is in it for him - like he is shopping - and that turns me off - it was not at all about a playful banter or connection. BUT I would not nix him for that alone. Just an observation so far and with the schedule selfishness (we can meet tonight or late tomorrow) after canceling he lost a LOT of points. Late on a work night is not a "nice and looking out for me" kind of thing. That is late and I would have had far to go to meet him and I have already told him I like to be asleep early. I mean this is his first shot at impressing me.

Part of the stuff Blink mentions was Gottham's research where he would watch couples interact for a weekend and apply scores to their conversations based on the four horseman of the apocalypse - contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling. He could predict within 95% accuracy which couples would divorce within 5 or 10 years. He said he only needed a splice of their conversations and could figure it out quickly - hence my term splice. This really validates my "forenzic" analysis of the first conversation and date. I believe this has served me well so far.

BUT the very good news is that while I was out on my 2.25 hour run, an even better one came in and I will make a new thread about that one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 11:58am

I just read through this thread, and thought I'd offer my point on cuddling, FWIW.


My ex was in the 'I'll cuddle if it leads to sex' boat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 12:16pm

I'm affectionate, but he didn't hold hands, and his version of affection was grabbing my @ss.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 12:40pm

Hey, thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 8:10pm

Exactly - was your exh my exh? My exh was never affectionate unless he wanted something.

Okay- so this whole thread was probably for not. Because I am really not motivated to like this one after his call today.

He called and left a message - "I can fit you in for an hour on Saturday for coffee or wine - I have plans with friends for Saturday night but maybe we can get together before that."

Okay - so - last minute for the weekend - no, too busy to make a date - no, "fitting me in" because you are too busy and wanting everything around your schedule after canceling - no!

Plus he lives too far away (40 miles). I just cannot get up the motivation to get all dolled up to drive 30 minutes to meet him for an hour before he dashes off for something else.

Maybe I better look in the mirror again to make sure I am okay - I mean this is the type of thing you would give to someone with green ears or something. LOL!! NEXT!!

The other one who lives in my town must have his hours mixed up - because he forgot to cal this morning like he said he would. Gotta love OLD and the ghosts, right? LOL!! Whatever!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 9:06pm

Okay - I gave this poor soul the benefit of the doubt - I sent a message saying I got his message and today doesn't work for me. And I also said that is a very far drive - we should wait until we both have the time.

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