Ready to date--I think??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Ready to date--I think??
10
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 3:25pm
Here's the nuts and bolts. I'm 27 and approaching the dating scene for the first time. I am newly divorced from my high school sweetheart of 12 years, who I found out had a 2 year old child when I was 8 months pregnant. (That Math doesn't add up huh?) I've cried, and wondered, and prayed and thrown several pity parties, but I focused all my attention on my beautiful son who helped keep me going. Now that he is one I feel that I am ready to start reclaiming a little bit of a life. I haven't been out a date or the movies in about 2 years. I don't even know where to start. As a single mom with sole custody I pretty much stay home with my son. Surprisingly I haven't met a man at my son's daycare or my front door. Yesterday I joined eHarmony but I'm not too comfortable with that idea. What do I do? How does one date? What are the rules? I feel like there are 12 year olds out there that could put me to shame.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 7:30pm

There may well be 12 year olds that could put you to shame- there are certainly some that ought to be ashamed!

This is a great place to come for advice, support, and just general "girl talk", although we do have at least one man who's a regular poster.

I think OLD (online dating) is a GREAT place to start, but I would recommend a site where you had a little more control than eHarmony gives you. Personally, I like Match, but I know others have tried plentyoffish, and I have also tried cupid, yahoo personals, friendfinder (not to be confused with its racier sibling adultfriendfinder), american singles, and ... well, the list goes on.

Not sure where you live, but there are lots of men everywhere. While you may not meet your match at any children's events, don't rule that possibility out. Also, don't think about any opportunity, whether it's the store, the playgroup, or the internet, as a chance to meet a match, instead, think of it as a chance to meet a person who might be a friend.

Please stick around, we love having new people, and feel free to join in on any of our posts, too!

Moody, glad her children aren't 12 yet


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 7:55pm

Men for dating are everywhere. Online dating, church, hobbies, friends, sporting events, working out - those are all ways to meet people and have fun. We have had success stories on here from every venue. My sister and another friend met their husbands through mutual friends. I have seen quite a few women here have luck with online dating. I have a friend who met her soon to be fiance in a class at school. Another few dear friends met their hubbies at work. And another at a running race. Another still while she was riding her bike - he was her coach.

On and on - you just have to get out there. For as many couples that exist today, there are as many ways to meet someone. Look your best, be your best and get out there!!

I like match.com the most as far as online sites - have tried all the rest and just think match is better because there are more people and more info and it does cost to communicate which I think is good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 8:13pm
I know I'm pretty much living the life of a recluse. I'm a teacher and I had a really rough year going through my divorce and raising a newborn on my own. I just tried to focus on one task at a time. At work, engrossing myself in the kids, at home, engrossing myself in my baby. I went to work, picked up my son and went home, period. Now over the summer, I want to spend as much time with my little one while I'm on vacation. I'm still a home-body b/c it's hard and draining to take care of a baby solo, 24/7. I don't have the energy to do much and I'm not used to going out by myself. I feel guilty about the thought of even leaving my child to pursue a romantic interest b/c I feel I need to overcompensate with extra love and attention. How do I change? What can I get involved in that doesn't involve a lot of energy, to meet MEN, not immature, overgrown boys?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 8:46am

Depending on where you live, you might be able to get involved in a Meet-up group. Do a search for Meet up in your area and see what is there. There are groups for all kinds of interest including single parents, singles in general and singles with specific interests in mind. I don't think you should focus so much on meeting a man as much as getting out and meeting people. That seems to work better in general. On line dating does work for some and some of the ladies here have had great success with it.

I would also recommend just dating some without the thought of getting involved in a relationship right away. Try on lots of different people to see which ones fit. Since you married your high school sweetheart you really haven't dated much in general so just dating may be the best way to start. Have some fun and see what happens.

HTH and welcome. This is a wonderful group of women.

Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 2:01pm
Thanks. I have really gotten some very good advice and support so far. This is such a scary stage of life when you knw you shouldn't go back, but moving forward and not knowing the future is really nerve-racking. Not really sure what I want to get out of a man. I want to have a "traditional" family again, but I'm scared to death of getting seriuosly involved with someone and facing heartbreak again. I though if any 2 people knew each other it was me and my ex, so if he could be living double lives and do the things he did, how can I EVER trust a complete stranger? Then I often fantasize that he'll do a complte 180 and 10 years from now we will have reconciled and live the happily ever life we (I) intended when we first git married. Is this normal or am I half a step away from the pysch ward? Then of course, all the Lifetime TV movies I've seen don't help my paranoia or faith in men. WHat is a lonely girl to do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 3:42pm

Shift


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 4:19pm
I totally know what you mean. I think a good parallel for this is the movie about the guy that is shipwrecked. You can't stay on the island - but it is scary to get off and leave and move forward. The name of the movie escapes me - I am sure someone here will remember it - he has a pet coconut named Wilson.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 4:20pm
Tom Hanks, Castaway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 4:48pm

Bingo that is the one. Thanks for remembering that. I think my 2 hour run left me brain dead.

But the point is that he had to move forward and get off the island - it is scary to move forward - but we all have to do that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 6:15pm
Castaway with Tom Hanks and thats EXACTLY how I feel. Except, instead of the coconut I talk (and answer for) my 1 year old.