Real Estate advice/help??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Real Estate advice/help??
32
Mon, 05-19-2008 - 2:40pm

I'm going blank trying to remember who on this board is the real estate guru?


I have some questions about buying/selling right now. I rent, but BE has a few options right now he is considering. He's considering selling and buying while the market is down..versus waiting it out. He has an older and a newer home...considering selling one or the other and needs to know things like property tax laws when selling/buying, tax breaks for being married versus single, depreciation laws...these kinds of things. Is it different sate to sate?


Where can we go for help/advice without paying a consultant?

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Tue, 05-20-2008 - 9:57pm
Just reading all of these new posts now. SYB and I have had conversations about expenses and since he makes a lot less than I do he pays a third of our housing costs currently. I would assume he would do the same in a house with a mortgage but depending on what we buy we may have to rework it. My father lived with someone for about ten years and they had a similar arrangement. They divided the housing expenses based on their income levels and then they both had spending money and money they could save for vacations, extras etc. Once you figure out where you are going to live, I would base how you split things in the housing the same way and then you might have what you need to buy stuff for DD. If your incomes are not similar, you shouldnt be paying the same in mortgage or rent IMO living together. In the end the only thing you risk in this scenario is that if you did break up, you would have to move out because you wouldnt be able to afford it on your own but I think for most people that is a given.
To be honest, I am having to decide right now whether we want to buy a place that I couldnt afford on my own if he left and that scares me. But I make the larger income of the two of us so he is definitely going to fall int he situation where if I left he would be in a pickle. He already is in that situation now as he could never make our rent alone and yet we dont worry about it. I like it when he contributes to presents for DS and joint gifts for my family or new furniture etc and he wouldnt be able to do that if I took half the rent from him. He would be house poor just renting with me and we were here before he moved in. We are looking forward to having a place to call OURS since this one really felt like it was mine and DS's.
I would also be upset that he saved his daughter when she needed him the other night. It is hard to separate the enabling from him protecting his grandkids from having their mom in jail or legal trouble I guess though...I wonder what she would have done if he hadnt been available to answer the phone like her husband? I kind of think you might be in a situation here where until he does better and maybe even quits the drinking he has trouble with, he wont set a firm example for her. Maybe there is some shame there even? I know you said he is doing better on this front but perhaps he relates to her in her problems with alcohol and inability to deal with it. Once he is able to deal with it completely I bet he will have a firmer approach with her...
The cd thing is a puzzler to me. Maybe he should mark all of his CD's if he is worried about mixing them up?lol I would find that ridiculous and a bit paranoid in your shoes. I mean, the old "what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours" is old fashioned to some but a touch of it should be true in any marriage I think and if CD's are worrisome, that is not so good.
Our money currently is all mixed up but neither of us is really sweating it. He pays me for rent and half the groceries and today gave me a few hundred in cash to put in my savings for him because his isnt set up yet and he didnt want it in checking. He also pays our gym membership and storage costs and I pay cell and phone for the house. We decided to have paperwork drawn up when we buy the house so that my life insurance policy is set up to go in a trust for DS run by SYB until he is 21 and I am going to attempt to do the same with my IRAS. We are also setting up a life insurance plan for him as well. We are trying to make an appt to talk to a tax consultant and a financial planner together because I think we will feel more solid about things if we do. There is still talk of engagement but I honestly dont want to get engaged just because we are buying a house and it seems the right thing to do. I wouldnt be surprised if we were engaged by the end of the year though - I just want things to be done separately so that I am sure of them and one isnt too influencing the other. If too many things happen at once I tend to doubt one of them eventually. Its just who I am. And I know he was talking engagement a bit before the landlord threw the house sale thing at us so I am not pressed about it for the moment.
Are you thinking about trying to change your own living situation regardless of BE in the next year? Do you think he would react less to the money stuff if you were engaged before moving in?
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2007
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 9:07am

Neutral ground is perfect.

I'm struggling with my girl and the possibility that someday in the near future we will be living together. Since she has to stay where she is due to kids and custody, and she just bought her house last year, mine is the one to go.

If I had the choice I'd do a new house for both of us (and her kids) so that there wasn't any "this is my house" or "that is the way I did it and I like it that way" crud. We've already had some discussions about what life would be like married. She says she doesn't want a pre-nup but wants it clear that if we were to ever get married and break up the house is hers. I discussed once with her that it would only be fair that if she wants the house then the profits from my house should be treated the same, so it should be in a pre-nup so there is no stress on either side and we could pursue a life together without having to worry about the big thing. Its not like I wouldn't invest the profits in us but it should be my choice to give, rather then suddenly joint wealth. In my mind if she didn't want to treat my money from my house as separate then her house should not be treated as separate. Am I wrong?

If I ever marry again I don't plan on ever getting divorced, but then I felt that way the first time around.

So, good luck again Paci and we will all be thinking the good things for you two.

Zen

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 9:16am

If I had the choice I'd do a new house for both of us (and her kids) so that there wasn't any "this is my house" or "that is the way I did it and I like it that way" crud


I totally agree with this!!!!!!! I also like what you said about a prenup.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 11:01am

Hiya, Pac!


We are all moved to the new house, but still have about 5% of our stuff at the old house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 12:09pm

You guys are so great. I appreciate your input so much.


Well it was another up till midnight phone conversation with BE. It was about this issue and we talked things out. We came to an understanding that 1) He knows I can't afford her room furniture on my own, so he wants to help with that (and Moon- you were right about his thinking about her taking that stuff with her in her future) and 2) I now understand that even though we will keep our finances mostly separate it doesn't mean he loves me less or trusts me less. I was feeling hurt and the conversation pretty much clarified things, and that he's not feeling different, it was just about logistics of things.


It will take time also for him to know and trust that I am not going to have a change of heart and leave him if and after we did blend our assets...because his wife left him for a younger guy. Sometimes that ghosts haunts him and puts up a guard.


I'll be honest. I'm not sure that this is even worth how exhausting it feels. I feel like I'm having too much emotional stress and worry over the relationship and maybe that is a huge clue. Even after the "resolve" last night, I still feel unsettled and not sure about us. I think it's a catch 22. He senses my uncertainly and his instinct is to keep us more separate so he dosen't get burned.


I feel as if I just went up tp bat again for us and swung and swung and got answers from him but not ones that made me feel better. I don't know why exactly. I'm just tired and am beginning to feel that although I love him I have to stop thinking about big commitments (back up and put those expectations at the door again) because I have so much less stress when I don't think about this kind of stuff with him.


I will look to see if I can afford a cheaper place to rent than what I am in now for a while. I feel pushed to move in with BE due to my finances and I don't want that to be the reason.


Thanks, everyone!


~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 12:18pm

I'll be honest. I'm not sure that this is even worth how exhausting it feels.


I'm just tired and am beginning to feel that although I love him I have to stop thinking about big commitments


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 12:22pm

Thanks, Isys-


I'm simply wiped out emeotionally, feeling like I'm sick of climbing up hill all the time. I've got to stop and give the mind a rest and get back to NOT thinking about moving toward this committment.


I know you can relate, with all the EG factors lately. Don't you want to just run a way to an island and forget for a while? Let's

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 12:27pm
Yeah I relate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 12:27pm
Hi City-
I just wanted to thank you for your words. I don't have the energy to respond in full just now but I so appreciate your sharing your situation with me.
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 12:41pm

Hi Pac,