Reality check

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Reality check
7
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 10:26am
Please tell me if I'm paranoid, over-analyzing, over-reacting, whatever.

Here's the situation:

Met a guy online, about a month ago. Got along well on the phone, met, hit it off nicely, talked on the phone daily, etc. About two weeks after we met, he told me that he'd removed his profile from the site, since he wasn't looking to date multiple women, and he felt he met a quality person (me) that he'd like to get to know better. And he did, indeed, remove it. Things were progressing nicely.

Last Friday I went on the site with the intention of hiding my profile for the time being, and was surprised to see his profile back up, with a slight change of headline. Well, I did hide mine anyway, didn't say anything to him, and we went on to have a very enjoyable Saturday night date that lasted into early Sunday morning (blush...). Talked on Sunday as usual.

Yesterday - nothing. Not a "Good morning" email, not a regular nightly phone call. Nothing today so far, however, he had been on the site within the last 24 hours, I checked.

So, now I'm debating whether to say anything to him, and how to say it. It obviously bothers me that he went back and re-posted his profile after pointing out that he'd taken it off, and I feel like I deserve an explanation. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Galina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: galkafre
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 10:32am
I'm sure he'll have an explanation. I've experienced this exact same thing twice in online dating.

The guy says he wants to get to know you, not other people, but changes the ad so you won't see it if you have it bookmarked. Then he goes on to hit on other women if he finds them. The two guys who tried this with me are still on the personals, 3years LATER! Still doing the same scam.

Since he moved into the physical fast, I'd say that's pretty much what he's looking for with other women as well.

Like I say, he'll have an explanation...OR he'll just be very indignant that you don't "TRUST" him. WEll, to hell with that. It's too soon to trust him, trust is earned and if it was me, he would have blown ever having the chance to earn it.

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: galkafre
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:06am

I think you need to approach him for sure. You should give him the opportunity to explain himself, I suppose. Personally, I don't know of any explanation except that in reality he's playing you. I am sorry, but I don't think you're paranoid. I think he's jerking you around.


Be careful. Guard your heart with this one. I probably wouldn't waste anymore time if I were you.


I am sorry. That must have made you feel so bad to find that. Hugs.

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
In reply to: galkafre
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:11am
So here's a draft I wrote:

>Do you like rude awakenings? I don't, personally. I hate it when you are all relaxed and comfortable, and then WHAM!

Got one today, and wanted to share. Went to Yahoo Personals to hide my profile, thinking it was only fair, and guess what I found? No, guess! Here, I'll help you out:

(will insert url with his ad here)

A strangely familiar face, with a slightly modified headline. So, it's quality you're after, eh? Which quality is it, then? I try to look for honesty, myself. Seems to be rare these days, but I'm still hopeful.

Hope your day is going better than mine.<

Think he'll get the hint?

Galina

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: galkafre
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:13am
LOL! I think you were pretty clear. Do you feel better?
Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
In reply to: galkafre
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:19am
I think I will once I send it.

Thanks!

G

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: galkafre
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:39am
I think this is a case where you sold the car first and then wanted to go back and negotiate price and payment later.

In my opinion you should have asked him about the profile. And you should have discussed the relationship and expectations BEFORE having sex with him and should have waited longer.

I think that for now you are in the "wait and see" if he is going to call boat. Maybe he will, maybe he won't.You have no control over this. Maybe he just needs time to evaluate everything and what he wants.

Good luck - and don't call. At the very least you have learned an important dating/men/relationship lesson.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
In reply to: galkafre
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 12:04pm
Allow me to respectfully disagree.

I did not ask him to remove his profile or to inform me of that fact. He did it on his own.

I AM asking him about the profile.

I am not looking for control, I am looking for an honest answer. I have no problem with "more time", as long as it is presented in an honest manner, and not in a sneaky behind-my-back way that he had chosen.

I didn't call. I sent that email. However, he hasn't seen it yet, and has sent me a breezy "Hello" from his work address, asking if we can get together this week or weekend. So I pasted my original email into the reply.

Thanks for your perspective.

Galina