rebound/spark???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
rebound/spark???
3
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 8:45pm

"It sounds to me like this guy was a rebound from your husband. He was EVERYTHING you had been hoping for in your husband that never came through, so you grasped on to him to fill that void and make you feel special."

I'm kind of confused by that statement a bit. Over the past 2 years of being seperated I have learned a lot of what I want and don't want in a partner. What is so wrong with meeting and liking a person who gives her what she's looking for (qualities her husband didn't have)? Is it wrong because there is no spark?

I guess what I'm really asking is HOW do you know if you're in a rebound relationship? I don't want to make that mistake. And the spark thing....what if it's not there at the beginning but grows over time as you get to know the person?

I think I'm going to be on here quite a bit with these kind of questions. They seem trivial during the light of day but can keep me up at night!! :)

Thanks
Laureen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 8:57pm

Hi Laureen,

There is nothing wrong with wanting qualities that someone didn't want to give that you need and recognize you need. But you should not pick a person because they are simply different from a previous partner.

I think that if you are OVER a relationship - that is - aren't mad or hurt - can look at the purpose of it in your life and the blessings as well as the thorns - and you can see where YOU went wrong and what you will do different then you are on the right track.

But if you are just hurt and lonely and want to fill that void with the company of another then you are on the wrong track.

I hope this helps.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 9:16pm


thanks! I does help. But I admit that I sometimes flip-flop in my feelings. I am quite amazed my self that i am actualy pretty happy right now. I certainly didn't start out that way. I have met new friends and am more outgoing. I'm not LOOKING for anyone - I'm just taking it one day at a time. But as for being hurt and lonely....my husband left me for the OW. So yes, sometimes I am very hurt but I've also accepted it and realize that this can mean a new beginning for me. Besides I think she's a wing nut!!;). The lonelyness...I'm USUALLY fine but sometimes I just wish that there was someone there for me. I'm not superwoman!I miss that kind of companionship,closeness and just knowing that there is someone out there thinking about you and watching your back. Is all this normal??? I think I'm ready to date again but I admit it's a little scary.

What are you feelings about a spark slowly growing as you get to know someone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 7:56am

It is GREAT that you can see this as a new beginning for you. While I did not have an OW situation (but sort of did with XMIL) I have totally viewed this as a new beginning. Have taken up new hobbies, gotten in shape, bought a lot of fun clothes, redoing the house, traveling, fixing teeth - stuff like that - all the stuff that in my mind you would have to really negotiate with the other person - getting away with murder all by myself to get everything done before he comes along :-)

I do understand your longing for a companion. That is totally normal. If you feel you are ready to date, there is nothing wrong with looking and wanting to go slow. I think that a man who is impressed by a woman for the right reasons is willing to go slow and you have to stick to that.

Of course we are always here to help you through the process!

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