recently seperated

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
recently seperated
13
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 3:26pm
I am 31 have 3 kids and my husband moved out 1 month ago. He is always away on bussiness so not really affecting my kids or me. I can actual breathe. Met a nice guy at the gym is it wrong to be thinking of someone else so soon? He is married but having problems. He is hot!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 5:21pm
Hi :) I am recently separated too :) (in August)
I dont think its wrong to be looking already..I was looking about 2 weeks after mine left :) I actually met the guy I am dating then :)
Although..I do think its wrong to be interested in a married man, I was cheated on..and it really hurts even if they ARE having problems..he should have the "balls" to leave her before anything happens with you and him. If he isnt willing to do that maybe you should check out the "my affair support" board.
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~Thanks for the awesome siggy Tricia!~
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 9:21pm

If it was me I would try to keep dating more on the casual side until the divorce is final. I would definitely NOT go with a married man or even a separated man.

Welcome to our board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 12:43pm
THANKS FOR YOUR REPLY. SO YOU THINK I SHOULD MAKE HIM CHOOSE HIS WIFE OR ME. I JUST FEEL LIKE IT IS SO EARLY TO MAKE A BIG DESCION LIKE THAT. WE ARE MORE FRIENDS THEN ANYTHING BUT I DO HAVE STRONG FELINGS FOR HIM. LAST NITE MY DAUGHTER SPILLED NAIL POLISH ALL OVER MY COUCH I HAD RUN OUT OF REMOVER. I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH HIM WHEN IT HAPPENED. 10 MIN LATER HE CALLED ME BACK AND TOLD ME TO OPEN THE DOOR. THERE WAS A BOTTLE OF REMOVER ON MY STEPS! HE IS REALLY VERY SWEET.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 12:48pm
THANKS FOR YOUR REPLY. I AM SO SILLY I ALWAYS GET CAUGHT UP IN THINGS. HE JUST DOES SO MANY NICE THINGS FOR ME. LAST NITE MY DAUGHTER SPILLED NAIL POLISH ALL OVER MY COUCH AND I HAD RUN OUT OF REMOVER. I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH HIM WHEN IT HAPPENED. 10 MIN LATER HE TELLS ME TO GO OUTSIDE. I OPEN THE DOOR AND THERE IS A BIG BOTTLE OF REMOVER ON MY STEPS. HE IS SO GREAT. WHY WOULD I WANT TO LOOSE THAT?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 1:02pm

well I wouldnt touch a married man..and it really hurts being cheated on..no matter HOW bad things are going..it hurts, so if he wants to be with you...he should leave her, even if it is too soon in your relationship for him to leave her FOR you, if he plans on being with anyone else..i suggest getting him to leave..its less painful than being cheated on.


hopefully things work out for you :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 1:20pm
sorry about the caps
we are going to dinner this weekend i will talk to him but what are the right words to say without sounding pushy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 5:19pm

You asked why would you want to give that up? My guess is that the longer you wait is the more intertwined with him you become - only to be disappointed that she takes precedence over you. It is not going to be enough that he does the nail polish remover routine. You are going to want a relationship that grows and can go somewhere.

And if he is willing to cheat on his wife, that makes him not such a good catch for the long term. What he does to her now he will eventually do with you.

What I would say is that I have to take a break right now because I don't want to be on a slipperty slope where people get hurt. I think you have to stop all contact until he figures out what he wants to do.

Good luck and keep us posted - hope this helps!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 8:11pm
I know you are right and that is why I guess I am here asking for advice. New Years eve I want to be with him but I know I cant ask him that because I know he cant. You are right I should not have to play second best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 10:31pm

You deserve someone so much better - nevermind for what you have been through with your own failed marriage and upcoming divorce. Take the time to get your life to a peaceful state and then set your goal much higher. This will bring happiness. Because we can all get what we want when we are willing to say we want it, wait for it and not settle for less.

The wrong man can ruin your life - or wreak a lot of havoc in it. No one (being alone) really can't do damage and it makes you very strong so you are not willing to have an upset. The right person will bring much happiness.

Keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 9:53am
I agree with Judy. You deserve alot better than that. Remember, what they will do WITH you, they will do TO you! Hope you stick around because there are some wonderful ladies here with very good advice!
Stephanie

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