Recently single mom, young son
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Recently single mom, young son
| Thu, 11-16-2006 - 11:53pm |
How hard is it in your experience to find someone who is willing to have a relationship with a woman who has a toddler? (2y.o.). I cant imagine finding the time, after work, Im busy until he goes to bed. Im so tired all the time, he's full of energy, always demanding, and still doesnt sleep through the night. I know in time this will get better, but Id like to meet someone again, the company of a 2 y.o., while I love him, just isnt the same as with a grown man!
Brynne

Hi Brynne and welcome to our board.
I agree that a 2 year old is energy consuming and time consuming. I remember those days well with my son and I felt exactly the same way you did.
Do you have anyone around you who can help you with babysitting? Family? Friends? A nice sitter?
It sounds like you need a little mommy alone time to get out and do something for yourself. That would do wonders for you.
I think if you met the right person you would find a way to find more alone time. And that will come in time. Some guys like children and some don't. I have always been a firm believer that if you are happy and fulfilled with yourself and own life then it is only a matter of time before you will meet the right person for you and your child.
There are plenty of women who have been on this board who have gone off to date and get married to a super guy -- so have faith. But be patient - it will not happen overnight. You have to be willing to spend some time alone, be happy with yourself and know how to spot the right guy for you - he will see you as the right woman for him and he will want a relationship.
I hope you stick around - we always love new people to participate in our posts - and you will learn a lot - as I have!
It's actually not difficult to find someone to date. You should not view your single mom status as a weakness. It's a statement of fact: you have a kid.
While you might find someone to date fairly quickly, you might not be ready to date. This depends on how newly single you are what else is going on in your life.
Toddlers are difficult, especially when there are night time sleeping issues. I did sleep training with my son (Dr. Ferber method...look him up on the internet and find one of his books). Sleep training worked well for us and I think it's best if you do it at as young of an age as possible. My son has a mild form of autism and sleep issues are usually a problem for someone with his diagnosis..but it's not for us and I attribute that to the sleep training I did when he was still a toddler.
Have fun dipping back into dating.
I know first hand it's not easy, but don't lose hope, I really never thought I'd get married, so it's still like a dream knowing that by June I'll be married! and we're already trying to find a place to live together.....Even if you don't go out to meet men, just go out and have a good time when FOB takes him or if that's not the case, maybe u can have someone babysit one or two nights a month, it's enough to give you a breather. When I met J, I wasn't looking for anyone, I had just stopped dating this guy, and honestly I had lost all hope in men!!
Also, I used to feel guilty if I went out and left my son, even if it was just to the store to relieve some stress, but being a single mom you need that!
Good Luck to you!!! And I hope you can find that much needed time for yourself!!
It amazes me the variety of custody arrangements the courts come up with. My D2.75's schedule changes yearly, right now she sees her dad T and Th 5pm-10pm and every other Sat overnight. The Thur before my weekend with her she also stays overnight. She does very well with this schedule, when she goes for more than 1 night in a row, (holidays), she gets clingy when she comes back, but we cope. I'd rather have her dad want to be in her life than totally ignoring her.
And, Brynne, if I can find men who are in their mid 40's (I'm 45) who don't mind my toddler and my teens then you will find guys who are are mature enough to appreciate you in your role as a mother as well as a friend/lover. My S18 had some difficulty sleeping through the night after S15 was born. The Ferber method worked. Finding a sitter and having some time for yourself is key to maintaining your sanity as a parent, regardless of dating prospects. It is healthy for you and your child.
Hang in there! You would be surprised how many men are interested in a woman who is happy and satisfied with her life, whose first focus is her child and who has confidence in herself because she doesn't "need" a man - she can do it on her own if need be! Let's face it, as single moms we all have those qualities to varying degrees!
I am 36. My DD is a bit younger than your DS. Her father and I split up a week before she was born. He is very much part of her life, however. So, although I don't have as much time to go out as I did before her, I have found that the custody/visitation schedule allows me to find the time when I want it and yes, the men are very much interested (and I date men a bit older than me, so these men are in their early 40s).
So, it is possible and it will work! Just be patient. Although I have the opportunity to date, I have yet to find the "right one" for me and my little girl. I find I am pickier now (and I bet you will, too). So, the fact that I am not in a major relationship is not because the opportunity isn't out there. It's because I haven't selected anyone with whom to really pursue much of one! However, I'm enjoying looking. So, long story short, take it slow and yes it will happen! :)
Best of luck to you!
Thanks for all the advice. I dont think I can Ferberize him at this point, I tried it awhile ago and I havent got the heart, honestly. Plus, he's out of a crib now. I'm 35 now, and yes, Ive been looking at online profiles of men who are in their 40's. Maturity is so important, bc that was one of my ex's problems....he wasnt ready, still wanted to be the party boy. sigh. Im not going to rush things, good advice. thank god for ivillage.
Brynne