Relapse time - but I feel good
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| Sun, 11-21-2004 - 7:46pm |
OK - are you all going "UT OH"?
After that terrible date and that horrible chewing out I gave Jack we talked again on Saturday for a long time. Both in tears and a wreck and we decided to have a date last night. Alyse didn't know and I didn't tell anyone. I wanted to (excentuate the I) and I felt I could go and just have a good time. And I did - we had an awesome time. We talked about it a little but I put the cap on it. It was just so nice to have him back for one night - my little secret indulgance. What can I say? It may or may not get the results I want in the future but you know what? All I have is right now and I can tell you this - I am NOT getting back out there anytime soon and honestly I don't want to. In spite of his shortcomings I still love the guy. OH well. I had a GREAT date to make-up for the lousy one. And I feel pretty good now!
Not only that, Jack's Dad won the Nextel Cup today! He won the cup last year too but it was the Winston Cup.
I don't know what is going to happen but I think for now I am going to stop worrying about it. Why worry about someone staying when they never really leave? And why worry about rushing into something that honestly scares the CRUD out of me? (marriage again) What is with me anyways? Sometimes I think I get so wrapped up in what I think I should want I lose sight of not only what I really want but what I have that is good. I may not have a lot of friends or a super supportive family but at least I still can love. Right?
I was interrupted a couple times so....sorry.
I am just going to chill. I know what I want and I am not going to go looking fro it anymore - or at least a while. :) Hope you all had a great weekend.
Laura

We cannot judge you because we have all been in your shoes one way or another. All we can do is read and wish you the best to find what makes you happy.
The only thing that will tell you anything is time.
This week I met a woman who is a massage therapist. She is happily married with one biological child and 3 step children. I asked her many questions - how do you like being a step mom? She does love the 2 youngest children that live with them and feels that she makes a difference in their lives. And I asked her how she met her husband. A friend introduced them. Although she fought the idea at first - he is 10 years older and was divorced with custody of 3 kids, she tried to be open minded.
With them it was love at first site and they started living together 2 weeks after they met!! They always knew they would get married and have children. But they waited to get married until after she was pregnant with their child, about 4 years later. The reason is they were just too busy to be bothered by a wedding. Now, after 6 years, including 2 being married, they are still in love, doing well and going strong.
All I could think of was what if she had posted that story here? We would have given her a hard time in a few places.
I don't want to encourage you to do the wrong thing. Just take your time and work on yourself. When you put yourself first then everything else falls in to place.
Thanks :). I really did have a good time and I needed it. In spite of the bad there is still so much good and how he looks at me, talks with me, laughs and jokes with me, and makes me feel. It is so nice to love your best friend. Makes it fun. But in our crying conversation earlier that day Jack said to me "Let's just take time with all this because I know eventually we will both know what to do - what is right for us" I have been struggling a while to live life day to day. It is so hard. In fact as soon as I let go of it, like I did this weekend, nightmares start. Nightmares of my ex coming back. I live in such fear of that. I did tell Jack that too. But I don't like to go into too much because I am afraid no one will want to be with me to face that! But I don't want to be alone. It is so hard.
Well, I'll get into that later! I need coffee! LOL
Laura
Laura,
I'm happy that you had a nice date with Jack. Yes, this is coming from the same woman who has told you more than once to cut off contact with him so that you can heal. Life happens in ways we don't plan and sometimes you have to go with the flow.
I wish you the best. I know you really love him. I hope he grows up and realizes that he loves you to...because I really think he does.
Tricia
Thanks. I know he does too. Sometimes that isn't enough though no matter how much we would like it to be. Time will tell. In the meantime I think taking a step back and taking a break is right. I know I have said that before but I think I WANTED to think that - didn't REALLY think it. Now I do. It isn't fair to anyone I see because I am in love with Jack and that isn't changing any time soon. I know myself.
One day things will be clear. Thanks for being supportive ;)
Laura
Oh my gosh! I got goosebumps reading that story! That is such a great story! Or atleast I think so, because it sounds alot like my story!
When I met my SO I was hesitant because I knew he was divorced and had full custody of his kids (he has 3 boys). I had my one daughter and life was good. I decided to meet him anyway and it was like magic, from the very first time.
It took us a little over a year before we were ready to live together and we don't plan on having any more children, so that's where our story differs...but...if I had not taken the chance, solely because he was the father of three kids, I would have missed out on the love of my life!
We're not married yet because we are waiting to iron out a few snags leftover from previous days, and the right time and opportunity to do it right.
Incidentally, no one here gave me a hard time...only lots of support =)
Bravo!! I am glad you liked the story. I am impressed that you have 4 kids!! That must keep you busy!! How old are all of them?
I would have given her a hard time about living together so soon and having the baby before the wedding. But those are just my standards. Everyone is entitled to their own and you cannot always put a label of right or wrong on a situation. The thing that made the story okay is that he is "very into her" and treats her very well. That is the ticket.
Yes! there are 4 of them :) I just recently posted a link to the website with their pictures in the "bragging corner."
David was, is and always has been very "into me" =)