Repost for Kelsey...Please read/respond

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Repost for Kelsey...Please read/respond
4
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 11:13am
Hi

Hi, My name is Kelsey and I am 19 and have a 15 week old daughter Hadlie.. Im in a tough situation with her dad. well call him "J". and i dont know what to do. We Met last February... yes i know.. i already have a kid with him... some people may have judgements. but i dont care. cuz i have the most precious daughter now.. but.. i dont know whether i really should stick around for him to grow up and be more mature or go out and see what else is there.. He's verbally/emotionally abusive, very manipulative, plays mind games, controls me, stalks, harasses, etc.. you may think im crazy for even still being around him or talking to him... but yet..ive tried for sooo long to get away from him.. but he will come back crying and making me feel guilty.. he will try to get to me any way he can. hes tried to get to me through my mom, dad, sis and my dead grandpa.. now come on.. how low can he go.. i do have feelings for J but i dont know if i want my whole life like that.. matter of fact i know i dont.. but its hard to get away. im so lonely. i still live at home with my family but im home alone during the day by myself with Hadlie and then when someone comes home i go to work. so its like. i dont even have a life.. i wish i could be a SAHM... but dont know how in the world i could do that.. my head is just so jumbled. i want to do the best for hadlie... never want to put her in a tough situation...i want to move on. but its like hes the only one there right now. so i stick with it. Ha as you can tell i can sit here and just type away.. But im not sure if this is where i belong or if i to go to some other board.... hope to meet some of yall..

Kels

Becky

 

 

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 11:24am
Kelsey, I feel for you. I really do. What a tough spot to be in, having a verrrrry young child by a man and wondering whether or not you should stay with him.

My knee jerk response is you need to GET OUT of this relationship. The fact that he is verbally and emotionally abusive to you already and that you feel like you love him too much and just can't get away...To me that says VERY scary relationship combination.

Please do what you can to move on with you life without this man. If you've not already done so, you need to check into setting up child support/visitation so that the legalities will be worked out and he can't manipulate you. Then please try to get involved somewhere so that you'll have some support.

There are people on this board who have been through what you've been through, so they can be of better help.

Hugs to you and you are definitely in a good spot for posting.

If you feel so inclined, try to check out some of the other reltionship support boards that deal with this stuff.

Dealing with Domestic Abuse... http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rldomesting

or

Toxic Relationships...http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rltoxicrelat

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 11:26am
Big hugs Kels . . .

Girl, I am so sorry. You are in a tough spot right now.

BUT - here's my personal opinion. He's verbally and mentally abusive, manipulative and controlling. Say good bye, contact an attorney about setting up COURT ORDERED CHILD SUPPORT and possibly visitation (if he's interested) and never look back. YOU deserve WAY better than that, as does Hadlie.

As for being a SAHM - that's pretty much impossible when you are a single mom. Single moms have to work to take care of the babies. That just the way it is.

Big hugs to you honey - this is a tough time for you. I'm glad you are still living with your parents and I hope they are very supportive of you.

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 11:59am
Welcome to the board Kelsey

I have to agree with the general consensus. Verbal or physical abuse is not alright. And he won't change. This isn't immaturity. I had plenty of immature boyfriends when I was your age but they weren't abusive. That's a different story altogether. Is that the life you want for your precious daughter?

Loneliness is tough. But being with a guy isn't a cure for loneliness cuz if it was you'd be happy, right? So find some friends. There's got to be other women your age who have babies. Do you have friends now you can hang out with? Activities you can get involved with?

And we're here 24/7. I know it's not real life but some of my best buddies are ones from Ivillage boards! So hope you'll stick around.

Tara

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 9:26pm
Hi Kelsey,

I can surely understand what you're going through. It may be finally the time to take a step back and look at everything in front of you. Think of what you "want" and what you want to "change". It's difficult sometimes to make strong decisions when it comes to relationships because some are co-dependent. It sounds like you're going to have to say "enough is enough". It's time to grow, it's time to focus on the life you want for yourself, it's time to be happy once and for all.

So you had a baby at 19....I had my first at 22. Not a big difference. I do remember though how young and immature I was (now that I look back on it) There is so much I wish I could have done that would have made a big difference in my life. I should have left ex when I felt it the first time, I should have pursued a higher education, I should have, could have.

Trust me, it's hard to see now, but the decisions you make now can affect your lifetime. Listen to those older folks advise. They know what they are saying. Get some sounseling, It helps with inner growth and helps you find direction.

Good luck to you and Welcome aboard. Hope you stay around. I've learned much from the ladies here and you'll find that your problems are not so much different than ours.

~pat