The response.......

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
The response.......
14
Thu, 03-13-2008 - 11:58pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 2:00am

Oh, it sucks that any of this has to hurt. I know you're hurting (I feel it in your words when you post) and I think he is probably hurting too. Probably in slightly different ways, but hurting just the same.


I still think it's a good thing though. It's good that you are not moving forward in trying to form a relationship with someone who is "not ready" and didn't really seem to realize it until you guys had your talks. You just saved yourself from having a potentially deeper hurt had you dated more and THEN later realized that all this prematurity was going on from the start. You are obviously quite aware of things, and I think that will only help you in weeding out the wrong partners as time goes on, and leading you closer to the one you want to find. (Or closer to being comfortable with not having to even FIND anyone- which is also okay!)


Now also-

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 6:04am

I hear your pain in this posting Cat. You two had such a heart connection, so intense in such a short period. I believe for every person that comes into our lives that there is a reason for it. C entered into your life for whatever reason. I can speculate that the reason is to open up your heart but only you can really ascertain that.

I also believe that everything in life is temporary - my feelings of loss, my relationships, life. The Buddhists have one of their Four Noble Truths is one of the reasons why we suffer is because we have attachment based on desire. With CNDG, I am attached. I also know that holding onto to her creates the opposite effect that I want, i.e. to be close to her.

The temporariness also can be that C is not permanently out of your life but taking a "time out." I think that most of us think we know ourselves and what we want but more often than not we don't. I believe if we keep healing ourselves so we can hear our heart, we can truly follow it and trust that then we will all live happier lives.

Take care,
Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 7:21am

HUGS Cat - it does stink when you make such a good connection and there is so much potential and especially for what you want and then there is a reason it cannot be. But I think you were smart to put yourself first and to sidestep a bigger hurt in a few months when he says he is not ready.

It sounds like he feels bad for hurting you and causing such a mess in such a short time and he realizes he cannot just jump into dating and he has to go and have some fun or he won't be a good partner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 7:38am

(((hugs))) Sweetie. Im so sorry. I think he realized, with your help, this IS the path he needs to take.


& you know what? A year of healing down the road, who knows what may or may not happen. X0

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 8:51am

Sending you tons of hugs and chocolates. Im not going to ramble on and on but I just wanted to say although you are hurting please take a moment to realize you touched a persons life in a positive way. There are so many negative influences in the world and not enough people to even take a moment for another human being to touch there lives. You did and not without a bit of bruising on your part, but you know bruises will heal and they were essentially for something good. Im sorry for all of the drama that wnet along with your posts as well. I guess I just got wrapped up in the romantic aspect of it. And who knows time will tell....see what time brings for the two of you.


M

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 9:04am

Hello,


I am new to the board. But I just wanted to say that I am sorry it ended, but he just didn't disapear on you, and you wonder what could have

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 9:14am

That is what I was thinking. Cat, I think you should not respond - just leave the door open. Carry on then!

I was laughing this morning - the lifeguard sent the most dirty text message and implied he should be like rlch's LB for me. LOL!! I think he misses me - and I think he sent it because I posted an update on Facebook that says "Judy is celebrating because DS came home with honors and a great report card - WAHOO!!" and his message referred to me as mommy.

I did not respond. But see how time changes things? I think it is good to have all these pots bubbling everywhere.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 9:22am
I can't really add anything to what has been posted. (wish I could write posts half as good as Shrimpy's!)
Take the weekend and take some time for yourself. If I lived closer I would bring you a HUGE bottle of wine!
Steph
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 9:22am
Oh Cat I am so sorry for what you must be feeling. I know it has got to be hard on you right now. You have gotten some great responses so far. mom little star had it right when she said that this was a positive thing you did for C and I think all too often we end up crushed or disappointed with nothing to show for it and think we have made no difference at all but here I believe you really have. And I think its true that if this happened for a reason ( and I believe all true connections that hit us deeply happen for a reason) it was to open up a part of you so that you are ready to have what you truly need. It is painful to have that part opened and then put to the side for a while but I think you did open up your heart and spirit for a brief moment and caught a glimpse of that young girl that deserves all the love and hope and joy her heart can handle. I have that girl in me somewhere and so do we all. You saw her again and you took care of her. You are building trust within yourself which is key to getting what you want in my book....big hugs from over here Cat.
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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 9:30am

Thanks everyone, but honestly, I don't want to hear the "in time" or "down the road'... Which to me is always just a load of B.S.


That won't happen, what will happen is that he'll think in a few months he's maybe ready and someone else who is lucky will have swooped him off his feet at the right time. And they will ask if he's ever gone out and he'll say "yeah, once and she helped me realize I wasn't ready." and that will be that.


I am more PISSED off then anything else, because too me healing and moving on and blah blah blah can be done independently, but why do you have to punish the one person that made you see that?


He didn't come up with needing alone time, going to be with his friends and to be selfish. I CAME UP WITH IT. I told him. It wasn't freaking rocket science for him to come to that realization when someone tells you straight up.


Don't forget, this is what I wrote (and I told him personally he had to start being a little selfish):


I

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