Return of the ghost

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Return of the ghost
9
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 8:06am

OK, so I sent the text telling Mr. Summer just what I thought of his actions. And don't you know it, he gets back to me 30 seconds later (just like he used to). He asked if he could call me and I said OK, so he called me last night.

Heavy on the apologies. Asked if he was still out of the running(???). He said he got mad at me, he can't explain why, wanted a few days off, stuck his head in the sand and then felt that it was so long that he didn't know what to do.

Pretty much, to me, it sounds like I pushed for some sort of answers and it made him scared/angry/act like a 12 year old. He said I did the right thing texting him telling him off. Said it was so nice to talk to me again. I told him that his actions made me think that I had misjudged him and that he wasn't the person I thought he was. He said, no, no, I am who you thought I was...

Anyhoo...I told him to think about what he wanted to do next. I'm not begging him to come back or even suggesting it. My guess is that I won't hear from him again.

Part of my butt-kicking philosophy right now is that I don't want to be around anyone who really doesn't want to be with me. Like, I know he would want to be with me as FWB, but I don't really want that. I don't want to be with someone who I know is looking for the next best thing. So, in the end, I don't have any idea what HE wants, but I KNOW what I want, so I feel that this phone call really gave me what I needed - answers and closure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2008
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 8:33am

Part of my butt-kicking philosophy right now is that I don't want to be around anyone who really doesn't want to be with me. Like, I know he would want to be with me as FWB, but I don't really want that. I don't want to be with someone who I know is looking for the next best thing.


JH

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 8:35am

I don't want to be around anyone who really doesn't want to be with me.


Amen sister!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 9:40am

I'm glad you got your closure.


my humble opinion about the text you sent him: i saw a lot of "you" statements. and while that can be good to put a person on the defensive, "you" statement are not good

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 10:03am

Good for you!!!!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 10:47am

He said he got mad at me, he can't explain why, wanted a few days off, stuck his head in the sand and then felt that it was so long that he didn't know what to do.


I'm sorry, but this is incredibly childish behavior!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 2:30pm

So, in the end, I don't have any idea what HE wants, but I KNOW what I want, so I feel that this phone call really gave me what I needed - answers and closure


Awesome. I'm really glad to hear that. So he called and what you got validated is what you initially thought...he's just not ready and gives no direct answers or desire for comittment. And this statement speaks volumes:


got mad at me, he can't explain why, wanted a few days off, stuck his head in the sand and then felt that it was so long that he didn't know what to do.


because that right there shows exactly how he deals with life, women , relationships. If he did that then, it is his way. Who

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 4:41pm
Yeah, I know what you mean about the "you" messages, but I was trying to text while I was at work, cause the mood just struck, and this sounds totally stupid, but I couldn't find my glasses and was trying to text as quickly as possible but kept making mistakes cause I couldn't see the keys, so I gave up and did the "condensed" version of my message. : P
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 4:54pm

Yep, I think that is pretty much my philosophy.

It's funny, he was so remorseful on the phone but this time I was different. When my ex used to behave like that I would practically apologize for making him apologize! I even told him that he made my butt kicking list and he said he deserved it. I would never have done that with my ex. My ex would have turned it around on me.

I thanked him for his apology, but DIDN"T say things like, "oh its ok" or "don't worry about it", because in the past I felt "please, please, please don't go away".

So now I feel like I could easily tell him what my deal is without feeling like I have to say the "right" thing to make him stay. If he likes it fine, if not, fine. But I am still not sure I want to travel down the road with him anyway.

Butt kicking can be so satisfying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 7:32am

I think you did the right thing telling him off. And youre right that you see the real him. His actions are the real him. I so hate it when guys do that too. It shows lack of communication skills and shows that he's thinking of himself and not of you. I mean he just disappeared and left you wondering. I ended a relationship over that type of behavior. I spent a lot of time in agony over this man during his silent treatment.


Keep your standards high.


Laurie

anonymous