Reunited

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2005
Reunited
17
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 7:02pm

Hi all, I'm new here and introduced myself when I replied to another post, but I'll give a little recap. I'm 22, I have an 18 month old daughter, and am a senior in college studying statistics and actuarial science.

I have a situation to ask your opinions about. A couple years ago, before I had my daughter, I would take my niece, who was then 6, rollerskating every Friday night. Being one of very few people over 15 who skated, a single dad soon approached me with his daughter, and the girls hit it off very quickly. While the girls did their thing, it became a weekly tradition that he and I would skate together a ways behind and chat. He was pretty aggressive in asking me out, inviting me to his Superbowl party, asking me to come out of town to watch him play basketball, a lot of different things. I was interested in him, and he knew that, but I turned him down every time. I was open with him for my reasons, I was 20 and he was 31, and I still live at home and wasn't sure how my parents would handle me dating a divorced father so much older than myself, and I worked with his little sister at the time, who was 4 years older than me, which I don't know why, but it made me feel weird. My parents and sister had both met him on nights they came along, and liked him, but I still didn't feel right pursuing a relationship with him. Then I got pregnant and quit going skating, and I lost contact with him until my daughter was 6 months old and I ran into him at the pool, where we exchanged hellos, casually agreed we should start skating again in the fall, and that was that. This past fall I have taken my niece skating a couple times, however the regulars haven't seen him or his daughter since we used to go a couple years ago.

A couple weeks ago I was excited to find out that he's now the coach of my niece's softball team and couldn't wait to attend a game. The first scrimmage was last night, and he made a point to come over and say hello, but his remarried ex wife is also coaching, and won't let any other woman within 10 feet of him without demanding his attention. She wouldn't even let my sister ask him about the upcoming pictures. My thoughts have changed a lot in the last couple years, and after seeing him last night, I'd like to at least hang out with him again. But I have no idea if he's currently seeing anybody, still interested, etc. Should I let him know, or just see what he does? I'm going to a game tomorrow night, but would feel weird bringing anything up in front of my mom, sister, the kids, his ex wife, and everybody else there. Plus I think it's a little soon, maybe I should give it a couple weeks, I don't know. Any ideas?

Thanks!

Linds

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
In reply to: chicaincollege
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 7:44pm

Linds,

The problem is out of my scope so I'll defer to the other ladies here on advice. I just want to tell you that you sound incredibly responsible and mature for your age. Please don't take the "for your age" part as an insult. I mean it as a compliment. You are clearly conscientious and know how to use your brain. I think you'll be alright.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: chicaincollege
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 8:33pm

Welcome! I agree, you sound like you put alot of thought into your actions, which is commendable, at any age, but at a young age, more so. :) I think you have a great opportunity here, since you do have an excuse to see him on a regular basis.

If it were me, I would give it some time to play out...wait for him to make the move. If he's interested, he'll find a way to let you know. On the flip side, I would make sure I was sending him appropriate signals to let him know it's ok to proceed. Since you've turned him down repeatedly before, he might need that extra push. Me? I would flirt! compliment him, smile alot, encourage him to approach.

If he asks you out, or initiates a conversation with you, that is when you will be able to find out the details of his current situation.

Good luck to you...and stick around. We'd all love to hear how this plays out :)




Edited 5/25/2005 8:40 pm ET ET by orange_clouds
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: chicaincollege
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 11:01am
I agree totally with this one - give him signals and give him time.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2005
In reply to: chicaincollege
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 2:12pm

Hi,

Thanks for your positive comments! I think you all give great advice in all the posts, it's interesting to read all the different viewpoints. The game is at 7:30 tonight, I'm about to jump in the shower and put on something cute, hopefully I'll have something exciting to report!

Have a happy afternoon!

Lindsay

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: chicaincollege
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 10:10pm

SOOOOOO....

How did it go????

Details!!

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2005
In reply to: chicaincollege
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 11:55pm

Nothing spectacular, no words, just some awkward eye contact through a fence. But I did find out there are two games a week from now through July, so there are lots more opportunities. His sister was there, and I kicked myself for not "catching up" with her and making it clear that I'm single. Oh well, there's always next Tue, or next Thur, or the Tue after that, etc...

'Night

Lindsay

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: chicaincollege
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:14am

Awwww, just chalk it up to the jitters. Next time you'll be confident, and have no problem saying hi. You need to just walk up to him and say, "hey! good to see you! how have you been? what have you been up to for the past ____ years?"

Think of it as running into a really good friend, and not a potential date. You want to come across as genuine, not clingy and agressive. You want him to know you're open to him, but not desparate for him. Since you did turn him down in the past, you don't want that to backfire in your face with him pulling that attitude on you.

I really hope that you find him to be single and still interested. Don't worry so much about his ex, or his sister or anyone else- you go up and say hi and don't be nervous. You have just as much right to talk to him as anyone else there. But also don't put too much investment into the possibilities until you've talked to him and go from there. If he is single and wants to date, you still have to get to know him and see if he's a good match for you- don't live off a fairy tale you might build up in your head of what things will be like (which we're all guilty of).

Keep us posted.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2005
In reply to: chicaincollege
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:59pm
Tonight not much more than purposeful eye contact and smiles. It's hard with him being a coach, can't talk during the game, parents are all congratulating him after the game, and we end up leaving before I get a chance to chat. Should I just get his number from my sister's roster?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: chicaincollege
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 12:14am

Sure, get his number and give him a call. See what happens from there. Don't press him to meet for coffee or anything just yet, either let him make the offer or ask him next time. If he has a gf you don't want to put him into an uncomfortable position, right?

So call him up, say who it is and ask how he's been. Say you keep trying to catch up with him at the games, but with him being the coach and the parents after, you thought it would be best to call later.

Hopefully he's interested still and single!!!

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: chicaincollege
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 4:43am

Yes - this sounds like a good idea. I would not press for a meeting - he must do that.

Good luck and keep us posted!

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