Reunited

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2005
Reunited
17
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 7:02pm

Hi all, I'm new here and introduced myself when I replied to another post, but I'll give a little recap. I'm 22, I have an 18 month old daughter, and am a senior in college studying statistics and actuarial science.

I have a situation to ask your opinions about. A couple years ago, before I had my daughter, I would take my niece, who was then 6, rollerskating every Friday night. Being one of very few people over 15 who skated, a single dad soon approached me with his daughter, and the girls hit it off very quickly. While the girls did their thing, it became a weekly tradition that he and I would skate together a ways behind and chat. He was pretty aggressive in asking me out, inviting me to his Superbowl party, asking me to come out of town to watch him play basketball, a lot of different things. I was interested in him, and he knew that, but I turned him down every time. I was open with him for my reasons, I was 20 and he was 31, and I still live at home and wasn't sure how my parents would handle me dating a divorced father so much older than myself, and I worked with his little sister at the time, who was 4 years older than me, which I don't know why, but it made me feel weird. My parents and sister had both met him on nights they came along, and liked him, but I still didn't feel right pursuing a relationship with him. Then I got pregnant and quit going skating, and I lost contact with him until my daughter was 6 months old and I ran into him at the pool, where we exchanged hellos, casually agreed we should start skating again in the fall, and that was that. This past fall I have taken my niece skating a couple times, however the regulars haven't seen him or his daughter since we used to go a couple years ago.

A couple weeks ago I was excited to find out that he's now the coach of my niece's softball team and couldn't wait to attend a game. The first scrimmage was last night, and he made a point to come over and say hello, but his remarried ex wife is also coaching, and won't let any other woman within 10 feet of him without demanding his attention. She wouldn't even let my sister ask him about the upcoming pictures. My thoughts have changed a lot in the last couple years, and after seeing him last night, I'd like to at least hang out with him again. But I have no idea if he's currently seeing anybody, still interested, etc. Should I let him know, or just see what he does? I'm going to a game tomorrow night, but would feel weird bringing anything up in front of my mom, sister, the kids, his ex wife, and everybody else there. Plus I think it's a little soon, maybe I should give it a couple weeks, I don't know. Any ideas?

Thanks!

Linds

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: chicaincollege
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 4:49am

Just wondering...........

What's the worry? Relax, watch and listen. I wouldn't call him. I would wait for HIM to walk up to you and say "Hi, I am busy at the moment, but do you think we could talk for a few minutes after the game?" Try to get him to make the initiative. He might not be making time, because he doesn't want to make time. I wouldn't go calling him just yet. The house isn't burning, so just keep your mind occupied otherwise. Any other single Dad's out on that Field? ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2005
In reply to: chicaincollege
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 9:11pm
You know what, you are completely right. I'm such a NOW! person, I need to just relax. I even had this scheme brewing yesterday, my niece had to miss last night's game, and I wanted to call and remind him for my sister. But...I read the reply on here and decided against it, sometimes I ruin things by jumping too quickly. The only thing is, I have turned him down so many times, I feel like I should make the first move this time, even if it's something subtle.
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: chicaincollege
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 3:13pm
I didn't say you had to not make the first move. Sometimes being the first person to make a move, even as a woman does wonders. When my boyfriend asked me out the first time, I turned him down. But not because I didn't like him, for another reason, but he never asked again, so I knew if I wanted to show him that I was interested, that I would have to make a move. However, just don't be tooo hasty. Find out if he's single and just try to be a bit more patient. Don't do anything coniving or dishonest, by making up a story. Any lie, even small can just blow up in your face. Just my thought on it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2005
In reply to: chicaincollege
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 5:59pm

First off, sorry for disappearing. Kind of adjusting to school being out for summer/starting a full time job, it feels like I don't have time for anything!

So anyway, update...a couple weeks passed where he'd come up and say hi, but his sister would come take over the conversation before either of us had a chance to say a whole lot or something else would distract us. So my impatient self got sick of wondering and called him this past Friday night to see if he and his daughter wanted to go skating with my niece and I, like old times. They agreed, and things seemed to pick up right where they left off, only with no apprehension on my part. After my daughter went to sleep Saturday night, he picked me up with intentions of bowling, but we ended up driving around and talking instead, but completely innocent. Then yesterday we went rollerblading with his daughter. I'm having a great time, BUT my parents are furious. My dad hasn't spoken to me since expressing his disapproval yesterday afternoon (Father's Day of all days), and my mom keeps repeating that she doesn't think this is a good idea. I understand that I do live with them and depend on them, but it's really making me mad, I should be able to choose who I date. They can't come up with any specific reasons on why I shouldn't date him, just generalizations that a man 12 years older than myself will have little in common with me, he will have expectations I won't be able to handle, no good will come of this for me or my daughter, etc. I have tried explaining that have a great time together, it's not like we've just met, he's a good guy (raising his 9 year old daughter with very little help from her mother), and I've already considered every objection they have. Being a father himself, he understands the situation, and I've never seen him get worked up about anything. He says they'll just have to wait and see with time that it's all going to work out, and hopefully they'll give him a chance to sit down and chat with them.

So, there's my venting. I honestly had no idea they'd react like this, my mom has met him several times and has commented on what a nice guy he is and how devoted he is to his daughter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: chicaincollege
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 6:34pm

That is great news that the two of you were finally able to connect again. :)

Sorry about the folks. It sounds like they're just concerned for your well being and your future. Sometimes, parents can do strange things for the love of their daughters.

Hopefully, your guy is right and he'll be able to win them over with time.

Good luck and keep us posted~
Also congrats on your job and good luck with that too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: chicaincollege
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 9:56pm
This is great news about the guy. I think your parents will come around - you just have to be firm (but always respectful) and set the boundary that they cannot tell you what to do with regard to dating. But I think they will come around in time. He sounds like a great guy!! Good luck and keep us posted!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
In reply to: chicaincollege
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 8:38am
I feel for you! My parents still try to decide my love life for me (and I am going to be 30 this year) It's an old line, my mom uses it too...."He's a nice guy, a good dad/worker/person......just not for you" LOL! Hang in there!

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