The right thing always the hardest

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
The right thing always the hardest
9
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 9:13pm

Why is that?

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 9:22pm

(((((HUGS))))))


i would slow down and not rule anything out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 10:04pm

If I thought I could just be friends, or even sex buddies, I'd probably do it.


It sounds to me though like you have too much emotionally invested to just be friends, and some women simply can't seperate their sex lives from thier emotional ones.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 5:41am

Welcome - and sorry you have to have this pain. I dated a guy just like that - he was 3 years out of his marriage and agreed to an exclusive relationship - but not ready to settle down. Every time we got close he would pull back and take a break. Eventually I threw in the towel. So I do understand your pain. This guy was cute, very successfully employed, we did a lot of fun things together - yada yada yada.

Anyway, you ask what I would do. I would give him an all or none ultimatum. Either you want an exclusive relationship or you don't. Of course you miss him and he misses you - he misses the sex, too. But trust me, you don't want to be a yoyo where you give him his space to have fun, party and look at other women and then come back to you when he wants a fling in the sack. You have too much emotionally invested in this - and that is normal for most women - you have feelings.

It is best to cut the cord if he doesn't want to have a relationship. Because then you will get over him and find someone who does. And I can tell you are smart enough to realize it is not you - it is him. You could be the hottest movie star and if he doesn't want to feel stuck in a static relationship after such a long marriage he is probably not over then it wouldn't make a difference. It is all about timing. And I guess you have learned that the hard way.

So, be happy for the times you had and for the lesson you learned. Next time, if I was you, I would want to make sure the guy is "here now ready now" - meaning ready for a relationship - and then make sure he is really into you and wants something exclusive before you get intimate and emotionally invested - that is just the easiest on the nerves. Ifound I had to push myself to date a few people casually at the same time so I wouldn't get stuck on just one - and that was the ticket to give them all enough time to find the one that was really interested. And what a difference that makes for me. I am not wondering if he is going to call or what he wants - because he is ready for something serious and he wants to be with me.

Good luck and keep us posted!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 9:42am

I applaud you for your strength!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 10:35am

Thanks guys.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 10:59am
If he's serious about a commitment with you this time, then make him work for it and make him prove it to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 2:54pm
Okey dokey!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 8:18pm
You have come a long way and you handled that just picture perfect! Sorry it wasn't what you wanted to hear but good thing you know now!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 11:22pm

Woohoo!


Way to go, SoccerMom!