Roll Call

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Roll Call
58
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 10:27am

Ok- not only has it been awhile, but we're seeing a lot of new faces...


So, name, age, location, children, children's ages, pets, job, update, etc- remember you do not have to give out any information you're not comfortable with!


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_alison
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 11:07pm
Okay - bumping this thread up there because we have more new faces - c'mon all - tell us more about you!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: cl_alison
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 1:21am

Well, I have been a single parent since April of 2000. My high school sweetheart became pregnant a year after I graduated highschool in '93 and we got married when she was eight months pregnant. Long story short, we got married before we really knew each other and ended up having another child (this one was planned) in hopes that it would mend our relationship but it was already too late.

Work became my main priority when it should have been my family and it caused a rift between me and my wife. Essentially, I took her for granted and thought she would put up with my crap forever because she loved me, but in the fall of '99 she became friends with a male co-worker (who was newly married with a pregnant wife - his third child all from different women).

We worked very different schedules. I worked days and she worked evenings so we hardly saw each other. To avoid disrupting our kids' sleep schedule she had "a co-worker" drive her home from work every night, but it would be much later that I found out it was a guy with whom she had become close friends. She would often come home several hours after she got off saying that they had to stay late for inventory, or there was a problem with the deposit, etc. (we were both in retail management for two different companies).

Gradually, things got to the point where we were arguing all the time about bills, housekeeping, our kids, you name it. Then one day out of the blue she told me she wanted to separate to give her time to sort some things out. I asked her if this was a separation with the goal of trying to work things out, or a separation with the goal of gradually distancing herself from me so a divorce wouldn't seem so sudden. She of course wanted a divorce.

It's funny, I remember crying my eyes out and not being able to sleep and she acted like nothing was wrong. She had said all she was going to say and that was that. Just a few days after she moved out of our house to live with her mom she called me at work to let me know she had "met someone" and they were dating. I didn't even ask who it was, but I knew it was someone she already knew from work.

As far as she was concerned she had ended things with me (even though no lawyers were involved yet) so she was free to do whatever she wanted. They had a very public relationship, even to the point of her bringing him with one of his older children into the store where I worked and kissing right in front of me, as though nothing was wrong at all. I can't imagine that this was done innocently or that she didn't realize how painful it was for me to see it. To make matters worse the stores we worked in were literally right next to each other. Every single day I had to see them stand deliberately in front of my store and make out.

Anyway, there is a lot more to it, but eventually I got a lawyer and got custody of my kids and she moved to a different city after her lover dumped her to go back with his pregnant wife. It was only then that she wanted to try to work things out, but she said she was only doing it for our kids and that she had never loved me...well, as inticing as this proposal was, I declined and she moved away.

Her version is that I was the one who couldn't move past her relationship with this other man. She never referred to it as infidelity or cheating because she said she broke things off with me before they became involved. Therefore, in her eyes, I am the one who ultimately decided to get the divorce so she was not at fault. According to her she never cheated because she was up front with me but, regardless of what she claims, she had already been having an emotional affair with this guy.

She sees them every other weekend and has remarried. I have moved past all that she put me and my kids through and now we are able to have a conversation without any hostility. There really wasn't a whole lot of closure for me since, as I said, she never admitted to any wrongdoing. We discussed the affair, or "relationship" as she called it, one time and that was it. She admitted they had been having sex and even went so far as to begin to describe how much she enjoyed it, but stopped herself. We tried working things out once or twice but all she would do is talked about how much she missed her boyfriend and how much she wished he would leave his wife for her.

Anyways, that's my story, give our take a few details, and now I'm just trying to balance work with raising my kids and SOMEHOW find the time to meet someone and finally learn what it feels like to be loved. Thanks for reading.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_alison
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 9:04am
Welcome. I am sorry for you that you have had so much pain. But given your story, you should be proud of yourself that you have come shining through and especially for someone so young. You did your kids right. And you forgave your ex and can work with her for the sake of the kids. Good things will come soon enough - I know they will. And somehow all of this will make sense and you will realize that it was all for a better cause.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
In reply to: cl_alison
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 11:44am

Brand new around here...

I have been divorced for 2 months. Separated for a few years prior to that. I have 2 wonderful girls, 14 and 11, who take up a lot of my time. They live with me full time (and I do mean FULL time!) I have a wonderful extended family that supports me and helps me get through the tough days of single momhood, but am very excited I found this board. I've been lurking for a while, and saw the rollcall. So here I am.

Today would have been my 15th wedding anniversary. Weird...

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cl_alison
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 1:39pm
oops already posted


Edited 9/11/2007 2:03 pm ET by mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_alison
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 8:52pm

BUMP - bumping this up because we have more new people - c'mon ladies - introduce yourselves - we love new people and new stories!!

And no worries, Mark, we would rather have you post twice than not at all. After all you are the token man around the house!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2006
In reply to: cl_alison
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 10:29pm

Checking in. I thought I had raised my hand for attendance, but just realized I hadn't.


Colleen from Orlando, FL.


I have been divorced since Feb 07, separated since Feb 06. I have two wonderful boys, 7 & 9. My ex and I do the 50/50 coparenting, which is the best set up ever. We have a great relationship, now that we don't live with eachother.


I haven't really dated much. I am on plenty of fish (same moniker - Shortcake252). I don't think I am aggressive enough - online or in life in general. I dated someone earlier in the year, who turned out to be a "player" - but boy was he fun! If you want to check out my profile & critique, I am all ears.


I think I need

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: cl_alison
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 9:13am

So, name, age, location, children, children's ages, pets, job, update, etc- remember you do not have to give out any information you're not comfortable with!

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cl_alison
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 2:37pm

Token man?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: cl_alison
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 2:58pm

Whoops Mark- I gotta take away one of your tokens! Or at least share it with you, because I'm Asian too. Full-blood chinese for me. But US-born, 1st generation.


You can have the male token and the over-50 token. I can't

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<