Is this rude or am I just a drama queen?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Is this rude or am I just a drama queen?
22
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 2:15pm
For your BF of 2 years to be talking and joking around with his buddies about his ex GF's and the stuff that happened to them on the trips he took them on?
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 7:58pm

You have asked a simple question that has a LOT of long and complex answering that would address that. For me is to be able to be OK with how I am regardless on how others talk. Again I point to Marshall Rosenberg's process where you can interpret and judge people's words which may or may not be correct. If we view that as just an interpretation and take care of our own needs and not depend on others to do so then we'll be OK.

Insofar as dealing with him talking about his ex girlfriends, you can interpret that as him fulfilling a need of continued companionship and acceptance. Regardless of what that is for him, only you can control you. I suspect if you become more connected with him, develop more trust and understanding then those feelings of yours will dissipate.

Make sense?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 8:00pm

Not at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 8:03pm

I'll gladly step up and validate you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 8:04pm

Insofar as dealing with him talking about his ex girlfriends, you can interpret that as him fulfilling a need of continued companionship and acceptance.


How is that good for a present relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 8:11pm

i also agree its not acceptable if it was done infront of you and you have already asked him not to.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 8:17pm

The naughty side of me would be tempted to interrupt him and start talking about what hot sex you had with past BFs and see if that shuts him up, lol.


I don't want to get into that game with him because it would end up being a contest all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 8:23pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 8:58pm

UGH! I can see where THIS is a real issue.

I guess what I would do is have a serious conversation and as I mentioned before a code word that you can use to make him realize he is doing this and upsetting you. But the real issue is that it does upset you greatly and he has to see that and want to change it. You have to make a request to him about that.

I guess the other alternative is when he does it, you remove yourself from the situation and do not put up with it - because you can control what you do but not what he does!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 9:21pm

This is true.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 3:41am

Given what you shared about your BF and his friends, i.e. he is insecure, his friends try to outdo each other or prove each other wrong makes me wonder why you want to be with him when he is with his friends? It seems that it does not matter whether you are with him or not, true?

So if you are looking for a short term solution about that specific issue then it would seem that it would be not to be with him when he is with just his friends.

I tend to judge people by the company they keep so if the friends are a bunch of adolescents then I would question what sort of person I am with.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb