A Sad Situation - Can You Relate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
A Sad Situation - Can You Relate?
19
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 2:38pm

Last Saturday, SEV’s brother T came over to paint the rest of the house for us.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 3:01pm

Aw, that IS sad. I agree...counseling would do a world of good.


If his wife will go to MC, that would be great. Hopefully T can realize before hand that MCs don't point fingers. They are trained at being objective. They understand that a marriage gone bad is never totally one person's fault. It takes two to make it work and two to go down the bad path also.


If one or both won't do MC, then indivdual counseling would be great for HIM. He could learn so much and build up his self confidance again. What's amazing is how dynamics actually change in a relationship if even just ONE of them changes.


Your so right about the child feeling resentment. It is one of the reasons I left my marriage. I did not want DD to grow up with a skewed and unreal perception of what a partnership and love really are.


I just sent BE's daughter some links to individual counselors in her area as well. As you know you can lead a horse to water....


Hugs to T. He sounds like a good guy-


~Pacific~



Edited 5/1/2008 3:03 pm ET by pacific_sun
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 3:20pm

This sounds like my brother and SIL!!

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 4:02pm
I bet counseling could help a lot - the counselor would hopefully be positive and teach everyone the importance of a stable and happy marriage for the child and give them all some homework to do. But he has to take the first step and go - with or without her - or he is going to end up in D court!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 4:07pm

I completely get where T is.


It took me a long time to realize I was doing more harm to myself and the children by staying than by leaving. Part of the reason it took so long to leave was I was afraid I would not be able to protect my kids. Part was because I did not think I could do the single parent thing.


Marriage counseling only works if both sides truly want it to work. Two years of MC taught me that. IC is to help him figure out how he feels, what he wants and

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 4:18pm

He IS a great guy - that's why it is so hard to watch.


I am hoping and praying that he will seek counseling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 4:24pm

Thank you for sharing that with me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 4:26pm
You're right, Westie.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 4:38pm

You are 100% right about the counseling - both kinds.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 4:41pm

Do you think BE's DD will seek counseling?


She is the kind that probably needs to hit rock bottom first. The problem is that BE has helped her aviod rock bottom all her adult life. So recently he's been making some good strides by telling her that she must make some changes to help her self and he can't support her financially any more unless it is for a positive change (like counseling). I've got my fingers crossed that her inner true voice speaks to her and prompts her to get the counseling.


That was a sad statement T made about loving his wife like no other, sad because of where he is now. I'll keep him and his family in my thoughts.

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 4:44pm

It's hard when some one isn't ready to be helped


It's so hard. It's where we have to build boundaries and try not to enable. So much easier said than done. It hurts to see a loved one distraught and refusing help.

~Pacific~
~Pacific~

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