Sad...I'm losing my love

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Sad...I'm losing my love
34
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 1:23am

hello all,


I took the advice and posted on the codependancy board. I just posted about what happened to me tonight and you all have been so incredible to me that I wanted to tell you. I have copied here what I wrote to a woman who is in a very similar boat with her SO.

~Pacific~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 1:54am

Oh my.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 4:11am

I just want to send you big hugs.


Blue Eyes has so many qualities, and it is very sad that he also has this other side. It's hardly believable that this is the same guy who dropped everything at work to come and help you out when your car was towed. It is such a waste. But I guess that's what addiction does to you.


My thoughts are with you. It is so sad that he is setting himself up to lose a wonderful woman, and seems unable to do anything about it.


Clem xx

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 8:58am

Just wanted to send some more hugs. I'm so sorry for your loss, but you can't settle for

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 9:21am

Oh, Pac-Sun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 9:23am

Oh wow Pac-Sun.....


That is quite a sign of what is to come, if you stayed with him. You can dream of homes together and renovate together... just so he can get upset after a fight, and he can trash that home and those renovations too??? Don't even GO there.


I'm so sorry, girlfriend. He was so great in so many ways!!! But the alcohol addiction (and now we learn that drugs are part of it, too) IS enough of a deal-breaker that you shouldn't want to go back to that again.


But to date someone, and love him for his potential... is an endless tunnel. Believe me- I saw all kinds of potential in my ex when we were married. I found myself saying to myself often "He could be so great... if he'd only stop being such an ass to everyone around him." And the optimist that I (sadly) can be at times... I kept trying to get him to work toward his potential, and try to become a better person... and all the while, HE didn't want to change who he was, and it really wasn't my place to ask that anyway. It definitely caused a riff between us

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 9:51am

Oh sweetie. I am sad that this did not turn out the way you wanted. And I am sad and extremely understanding of the pain of a breakup and huge disappointment. But I am very happy that you had the courage and strength to see the reality and make the right decision for yourself and your future. I am relieved.

Take good care of you now - we are all here for you every day. Each day will get better and you will realize you just saved yourself of a big heartache. You show that you put you first and you love yourself enough not to put up with something that would not take you to a good place. And that is very very good.

This means you are one step closer to THE ONE!!

HUGS. And huge boatloads of chocolate. I know it is sad when they are right in every way except the drinking thing. I have had to make that decision three different times. And I know it stinks. Sorry you had to have this turnout.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 10:06am

But to date someone, and love him for his potential... is an endless tunnel.


So VERY true!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 10:12am
YES - so so so true!!!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 10:27am
I am so sorry things are turning out this way. I dated a recovering alcholic. I really did love him with all my heart. But, their were too many issues with his past we could not get through.
Remember, you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. I know how bad it hurts to lose someone you love due to addictions. Be good to yourself and take it one day at a time.
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 10:31am
Oh dear!
 

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