Sad...I'm losing my love

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Sad...I'm losing my love
34
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 1:23am

hello all,


I took the advice and posted on the codependancy board. I just posted about what happened to me tonight and you all have been so incredible to me that I wanted to tell you. I have copied here what I wrote to a woman who is in a very similar boat with her SO.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 11:00am

Are you walking away now?


Or do you want to wait til he pulls a shotgun on you?



Photobucket

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 11:13am
You are so right in how it doesn't work when you're in love with someone's potential. I did the same thing with/to
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 12:13pm

Huge hugs to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 12:34pm

Thank you all for your caring. I know these are words of wisdom and it just took this instnace last night for me to really distance. It's so painful, especially knowing he loves me and he's hurting, too.


I did go to sleep last night in peace, because I looked over at my DD. She was sleeping, so peaceful, my little gift from God. Everything I do I do for her, and walking away from drama is the best thing I can do as a mom.


I'm in shock at how quickly things fell apart after a year of happiness. It hurts deeply but I will get through this. You all are the very best. Thnak you with all my heart.


~Pacific

~Pacific~
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 12:35pm

First of all, sending you

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 4:15pm

(hugs)
So sorry it turned out this way for you. But keep your child in mind, if Blue Eyes is capable of punching a hole in your door just because you slammed the door- what else is he capable of? It took my X some 30 years before his verbal and emotinal abuse became physical abuse. I served him with divorce papers the next day.

You can't fix him, he has to fix himself. I agree with Mhash, there is a genetic component- but one can rise above it. Blue Eyes has to be the one to want to do the work to rise above it. You and your daughter need to stay out of it. Keep up with the AlAnon board, I think you'll find some validation and comfort there.

Better to end things now than after many years of hurt and resentment. Better to show your daughter that one does not accept violent behavior from anyone-ever. Believe me, I know how hard it is, I finally left after 30 years- 30 years! My love for him wasn't enough, losing me wasn't enough, losing his relationship with our eldest son wasn't enough, getting reprimands from the Board of Medical Examiners wasn't enough. I have moved on, and it was the best thing I could have done for myself and our children. It was the best thing I could do even for his parents and siblings because they can no longer ignore he has serious problems.

(HUGS) again

QueenBun

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 4:54pm

((((((((((Pac-Sun)))))))))))


Yeah, this is sad. And it's totally disappointing. But I also hope you take this time too- to celebrate yourself. Celebrate your courage for stepping away from what you see is an obviously dangerous time bomb of a situation, despite the love you feel for him. You have a responsibility as a mom and as a person- to protect your DD and yourself. I'm SOOO glad you are not trying to rationalize or cover up for his actions last night (or the other night, whenever all this happened). I'm glad you aren't trying to justify the reasons and to even take blame for his actions. You have to realize that THIS is a reason for you to be proud of yourself.


Yay for YOU, Pac-Sun!!!! Celebrate yourself, even if you're feeling sad. You did a good thing. :-)


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 6:36pm

This is a wonderful point, Shrimps.


If I had approached my problem relationships with the same clear-headedness

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 9:02pm

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((SUN)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


You come here and post as much as you need with all your thoughts as you get through this.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 12:32pm

Oh what is that saying....one day at a time?


I know every one of you has been here, groping through the day, then the night, the hours, the minutes...grieving. I can't believe how this hurts. It hurts more than the end of my marriage to my ex. Because with my ex, I fell out of love, a process,

~Pacific~