To say hello
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 12-20-2005 - 4:52pm |
Hello everyone.
I don't usually get involved with internet chats but after reading over this, this one seems okay! Anyways I'm a 25 year old single mother of 4 girls ages 8,5,4,1. I work a full-time job and as of right now I do not receive any child support so times get tough. I get through things knowing someone out there has it worst and take comfort in knowing I have 4 very bouncing, healthly lil girls and a job that at least makes ends meet:)
I have been dating the same man for a lil over 2 years now. He's 11 years older than me and I feel like I know he's set in his ways and is not going to change but at the same time I can't let go of him. I know I'm only 25 but I have such a desire to settle down but I want to be happy and the man that I believe can make me happy isn't ready to settle down so do I continue to date him and settle for less then what I want or do I let him go all together?

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story.
You are doing absolutely great to be supporting 4 kids all on your own - that is not easy and you should be proud of yourself, especially for your age. You also have a very healthy attitude - I like how you realize that the important thing is "I have 4 very bouncing, healthly lil girls and a job that at least makes ends meet:)"
Tell us more about the man you are seeing. It sounds like you have hesitation - but we need to know more to help you -what do you like? What do you not like? Has he talked about commitment with you?
You certainly don't want to settle - you want to be very happy with who you are with.
My hesitation comes in b/c he is so used to his "batchlor" life...the coming and going, going out just about every weekend, not feeling like he has to answer to anybody. Its like I want him to check in with me but I feel strongly that when your in a relationship you let that person who where your at. I just don't want to "waste my time" if he doesn't have real intentsions of possibly settling down with me. I guess its hard for me to live for the moment b/c Im already worrying about the "what ifs"...
How do I get over that?!
My opinion is that you don't get over that. If you really want a future with the right guy who will make you happy, you will not tolerate that behavior what so ever. He will not change with time.
I think you deserve someone who is really into you who only wants to be with you and considers you the princess and girl of his dreams - all on his own.
You will find him as soon as you dump this dodo. It is totally not fair that you would would be intimate and dating him without a total commitment and this bachelor behavior.
I think you knew this all along and just needed to listen to yourself.
I am sure the others will agree and chime in.
Take good care and keep us posted - I hope you post here on our board and participate in our discussions more often.
Welcome to the board.
That is exactly how I feel...that i'm watching my life pass me by. I know i'm still young but I have no desire to "play the field" and I don't really feel like I can considering I have 4 daughters. I'm very particular who I bring around them. The one major thing my mom did instill in my head is to trust no man around my babies and I don't.
And yes he is the father of my youngest daughter. So I guess it's not fair to say I don't receive any child support. He supports her as far as buying her what she needs but he doesn't hand me a check every month. When I got pregnant with her, I was on birth control an we were not in a serious relationship, more like friends with benefits at that time b/c thats what I wanted, I didn't want anything serious then. Then I got pregnant and of course my feelings for him became alot stronger.
The 3 older girls...I finally filed on him in June. I guess he's not working and will not open his door to get served his papers, which means the child support won't even start adding up until he gets serves. It's so hard for me to understand him b/c he was never such a huge loser and now he doesn't work and lives off his girlfriend I guess maybe to avoid paying child support.
But I guess the things you are telling me like you said, I already know and it's not anything by closest friends are not already telling me but I guess I don't know how to walk away from him. I've tried so many times and we always end up back together.
I appreciate your ladies time and honesty!
With your ex not opening the door, you should see if your state would allow someone else to be served in lieu as he is purposely avoiding being served.