Scheduling Dates ... HOW???!!!!
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Scheduling Dates ... HOW???!!!!
| Wed, 04-27-2005 - 8:03pm |
Hi. I am a single mother with a pre-schooler. I've recently decided to start dating and have been on one so far. It was a lunch date. We are going out again tomorrow evening because I was lucky to find a sitter. I do not plan on getting into a serious relationship anytime soon, but do want to be able to meet people and feel like more than just a mother. Initially I thought that I could do it all during my lunch hour but I do want some evenings. I was just wondering how many nights do you gals take per week? per month? routine is not only important for my child, but for me as well (makes things more manageable). i think he is old enough to be without me for one evening. I just can't seem to imagine how many nights (one at a time) I could do it without breaking his world (or mine for that matter). I was thinking once every two weeks, but, man ... something tells me that very few guys would have the patience. if only men fell outta the sky right then i could do a date once every two weeks. The guy I am seeing right now for instance is really great but i might have to tell him that i can't go out with him again beyond tomorrow unless he agrees to wait every couple of weeks. Gosh that sounds horrible. I feel unattractive as it is to only be available for "lunch" dates. ANY help or advice or perspective is so needed. Well, thanks in advance.

I don't have any advice but wanted you to know you're not alone! I have full custody of my 3 kids and to make matters worse my ex has moved to NY and we are in SC. So they are really with me 24/7. Fortunately, my oldest can babysit some,not really late, but she does help some.
Could you possibly schedule your dates a little later so you can put your child to bed first? I don't know what time he/she goes down for the night but I would think meeting for a movie or drink at 9:00 or so isn't unreasonable. No, it's not ideal but may be better than "see ya in 2 weeks". Because, you are right,it will be very hard to develop any meaningful relationships with a date every few weeks.
Good luck!
Jessie
My situation is a bit different because my boyfriend is also my bestfriend and my kids have been used to him stopping over at least a few times a week since they were born. Still, it's a new relationship to us as far as dating is concerned and I don't want the kids to become confused so it's totally hands-off if the kids are around.
So what we do is saturday is date night for us because that is when Ex has the kids overnight. During the week the kids (5 and 3) are in bed by 9pm so sometimes a friend will offer to watch them for a bit or I'll get a babysitter and we'll go out for coffee, that's maybe once a week, usually wednesday nights.
I understand not wanting to mess up a schedule so I've incorporated dating into our schedule. Though since it's always after the kids are asleep they don't even realize it. I'm able to be there when they go to bed then I'm in bed myself just a couple of hours later. The babysitter always has my cell phone number and we don't go anywhere to far away so that if a kiddo was to wake up I'd be able to get home within 10 minutes or so.
It's worked out well for me so far. I still get to date but I don't lose any time with the kids. It's not so long inbetween dates that anyone feels rejected and it's a chance for me to get a break and relax in the middle of the week when I tend to need it the most.
Welcome!! I have a few thoughts on this:
1) When you meet someone you really like you will find the time - where there is a will there is a way.
2) Your kid is a blessing to help keep the relationship slow - not go too fast by seeing each other too much.
I don't think you should feel guilty for finding one or more evenings to yourself. As long as someone good is babysitting I think that is okay - I find I am a better mom when I have enough time for me.
Of course a preschooler will need more time - but this will dwindle when the child is in elementary school. My ds has a lot of friends that he wants to be with now.
Good luck - be picky!!