Sent him an e-mail

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sent him an e-mail
6
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 5:26pm

I just wanted to know what you thought...

"Hi! I'm not sure how to write this, but there are a few things that I needed to talk about and figured this was the easiest way. You and I have been "talking" for 3 weeks or so and have seen each other 3 times. We really seemed to hit it off from the beginnning, yet kept it relaxed and casual...exactly what I wanted. Over time I got concerned that all of our conversations were sexual, wondering why we never had anything else to talk about. We did a bit at your house, but not what I thought would be between new friends. The focus still was physical...not that I'm complaining, but then again, I am. I kept biting my tongue, saying give it time. See where this goes, but I can't anymore. I don't know where you stand with all of this. What you want (or don't want) from me. I'm fine with the "friends with benefits" thing, but we would need to actually be friends. I don't feel that we are. I would prefer to actually date, but with little expectations. You know nothing about my background regarding my divorce, but I think you know that I'm not looking for anything serious. You, on the other hand...I don't have a clue! I don't know your intention, hopes...nothing. I do know that I did not like how Wednesday went. I was hoping for more than what we did. I bought wine, thought we would hang out, talk, something. There was none of that. Just sex, your quick power nap and then you left. Don't get me wrong, I was a very willing participant, but thought there would be more. I really feel like it was a "booty call," as my adolescent patients would say. I'm not ok with that. I really just needed you to know. I would love to know where YOU stand with all of this. I don't mean to complicate things, but I've learned the hard way to stand up for myself and express how I feel...good and bad. I have to walk away if all you are looking from me is a physically relationship. If you want a friendship from me...see where it goes, date and have fun...that sounds great. I'd love to hear back from you, but if I don't, I understand.

~Karie"

Now, keep in mind, I haven't heard from him since he left my house Wednesday night...not a word. I think I'm done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2006
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 8:34pm
That was a great email. I wish I had the guts to lay it out there like that. I think I would be too scared (insecure) of the response.
He may just be a "player" - I went out with one of those recently. Three weeks is about all he does - so I have learned since.
Well, you live and learn. At least I had fun :)
Let us know if you get a response. If I know the M.O, you probably won't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 9:54am

I agree, that was a good email. I'm proud of you for laying it on the line in the beginning to let him know where you stand and if he isn't on your level then you will move on. If he doesn't want to be friends with you (which is what you want) and just wants the physical part, then you are better of to NEXT him.

You go girl! :)

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 10:29am

Thank you!! I sent the e-mail last Friday and haven't heard anything since...in fact, I haven't heard from him since he left my house! Ohh well. SO be it. You are right...I am better off. I was tempted to send him another e-mail telling him that I got the message loud and clear and it was too bad he couldn't act like an adult and at least respond. But, really, I'm fine with it. It made me learn that I can think of someone other than my x and not feel guilty about it. This was my first venture out in the dating world after my divorce, and I'm suprisingly happy with it. It made me learn a lot about men, myself and the whole notion of dating. Now I think I will take my time more and focus on having fun...real fun...not just sex fun! :)

Thanks again!
Karie

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 11:15am

I encourage you NOT to send any emails or anything anymore. It will only fluff his feathers more to know you are giving him THAT much thought and attention. He doesn't care to answer and you shouldn't care to pursue it. Believe me. I've often kicked myself in the butt for pursuing the email with another email when it's already loud and clear he isn't interested. Sorry you had to go through it, but I am glad you stated how you feel. That is a great step that you should continue to do.

Hugs,
Cat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 12:41pm

I encourage you NOT to send any emails or anything anymore. It will only fluff his feathers


(love the phrase, btw, perfect!!)

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 12:49pm

I said what I said to Mr. History too and I haven't gotten a response, nor do I expect one. He may wait until my fire has cooled down, or he may choose to move on. However, if he does contact me, to say something like: We don't fit or I want to break up.

I will be the one saying: What in my note did you not understand? You've already been Next'ed.

And that will be the end of that.