Seriously?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2008
Seriously?
8
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 2:33pm

This is a sort of an update for anyone who remembers my posts on me and my boyfriend/friend situation.


Last time I was on here, I was waiting to have the talk with BF/F until after my birthday. Well, I'm now another year older and ready to have a sitdown with him. This is something I seriously don't want to do in an email or over the phone...for once I actually want to sit down and tell him where I stand and to hell with the consequences. I mean, this is at least halfway about me, even if it is all about *us*.


Anyway, last weekend was the first weekend I have spent with him in over a month. He works in computers for a huge company and one of their team quit in July so he is picking up the slack. That means he is on the road (or in the air) 5 days every other week and two out of 5 days the alternating weeks (so he can be with his kids). I am more than okay with this as I finally have a temporary job too and am completely swamped myself here lately. Still, we talk to each other daily, so our bond is still strong.


Last weekend I was very excited when he asked me to go on a daytrip to another state. Not only would we get out of town and I could chill for a while, but I knew I could talk to him when we got home that night about us. I was really jazzed, but also really nervous too. Then he called me back and said his sister was hoping she might come along too. She's had a rough time at home lately. I was fine with that because I simply adore her!


I beat his sister to his house Saturday morning only to find him very playful. She was arriving soon at the house, so things had to be put on hold. That led to him being more than extremely suggestive all day long. I was a bit shocked. Not because his sister would be offended...far from it. That's why I like her. She is very independent and very straight forward. She is very much a woman, but is like me and has no issue "hanging with the guys" when needed, so his talk wasn't really offensive to her at all. It didn't offend me either, I was just so shocked because this meant his sister already knew full well what we do, if you know what I mean. Mad wasn't what I was feeling, but instead definite confusion. I mean, why would he have let her know this if he

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
In reply to: almalibra
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 5:32pm
I agree with the head thumpers. He's into you as more than a friend. I think the talk will help clarify things. In his way he is trying to let you in.

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Edited 11/1/2008 5:33 pm ET by jenilouise612
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2008
In reply to: almalibra
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 11:16am

I agree too. Just am completely blown away. I guess I was expecting a straightforward communication and not something so cryptic. I mean, what if I hadn't taken the time to realize there was a message behind the message? Now for the talk and even though I'm going to do it, I am completely terrified to do so.


Almalibra

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
In reply to: almalibra
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 7:30pm
I only know because I recently had a talk with DF and he said to me, "You should know by now how much I care about you." I had to look back and realize all the things he does to show me he cares instead of tell me because he may be afraid to do so. He is not a man of flowery words but he knows how I take my coffee, knows what side of the bed I prefer, cooks for me because I've never had a man do so, lets me vent, holds my hand in public. It's the little things that i could go on and on listing and I really notice them now. Maybe make a list like that about him and I bet you'll see more.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
In reply to: almalibra
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 11:26am

Cryptic says it all in my opinion!

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
In reply to: almalibra
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 3:15pm

Hi Alma,


I was remembering that your birthday was coming up and wondering how it all went. (Happy birthday BTW!!!) Did the out of state day trip fall on your b-day or did you do something different for you special day?


I agree with the THUMPS. He was wanting you to stay from what I gather. That in itself does not necessarily he has changed his position on the relationship but it does show he wants you near and loves your company and companionship. As for defining things, it SOUNDS like he is there but all the hinting in the world will not do it. It has to be clear IMO. Relationships success has a lot to do with clear communications and eliminating assumptions. So, talk to the man!! Next time you have time. Make a point and be clear. I have the feeling he is on the same page with you

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2008
In reply to: almalibra
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 10:12pm
You are so right! He is definitely a man of action and not of words. Even tho we don't spend nights together (okay...once last december), he knows which side of the bed I like. He is fantastic about knowing when my emotional state calls for a distraction (road trip!!!!). If I mention I want to go to eat somewhere in the future, he is awesome about going there the next time we go out. He knows the only thing I eat at Subway is Seafood...the last time we went there, we were in another state. Before he ordered, he noticed they didn't have it out and asked them to check the back to see if they had any more for me. He is incredibly sweet about letting me vent when I need to (big step for him) and is great about reassuring me afterwards. He's also very protective of me at times. He knows I can't live without my Starbucks or my King Gyros and willingly tries new things with me whenever possible. I think the biggest one of all is the fact that he calls daily. For a man who openly confessed on meeting that he hates the phone, that says a ton!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2008
In reply to: almalibra
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 10:28pm

Thanks for the birthday wishes, Pac! Actually, my birthday fell on our "with our kids" weekend which was nice because I spent it with my daughter. The only time we don't talk for any great length of time is when we have our kids. Kids first in both our books. Besides, his youngest son's bday is the day before mine and the actual family celebration for his youngest was held on my birthday so I don't begrudge him that.


The trip was the week after and a birthday present of sorts. He knew I wanted to travel badly. Was the best gift I got, honestly!


I so agree with you on this. Clarity has got to come into the picture here somewhere. He called me tonight again from the road. I just can't have this talk over the phone, though I'm severely tempted to do so. I think I'll see him this weekend, so I will wait.


I won't lie. The thought of this talk scares me to death! Not because he may refuse a relationship, but because he might think that I may hit the road if he doesn't enter a relationship with me. I've tried to explain that, if a relationship doesn't work out, we always have our friendship and we can sit back and laugh about how we thought it would work but didn't. Make sense? Sigh.


He is my best friend and my foundation. He is the person who helps me find my reality in all the insanity of my days. Frankly, I can't imagine life without him...even just as a friend. If the talk goes wrong, I worry he'll panic and disappear (tho I doubt it). Just my concerns. That and I don't know how to approach the talk. He's one of those guys whose eyes grow to the

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
In reply to: almalibra
Tue, 11-04-2008 - 9:20pm
He sounds very thoughtful. I love the phone thing. Both DF and I have trouble sleeping if we don't talk at night.
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