"Settling" for Mr. Good Enough

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
"Settling" for Mr. Good Enough
29
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 10:42am

Someone brought this up on the Online Dating board "Marry Him: Settling for Mr. Good Enough" by Lori Gottlieb and Evan Mark Katz's dating website. I've read the book and was just wondering if anyone had any thoughts about it.


The book is mainly aimed at women in their 20s and early 30s who want to get married and have children, sort of a warning about their biological clocks ticking. Gottlieb basically says that women are too picky about a guy's looks, education, job, and little things (e.g, he has an annoying laugh, hobbies). She says that

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 3:18pm
Since I've been divorced twice, already have all the kids I'm going to have and I'm over 50, I'm definitely not going to settle just to have a rel. I don't want to get married again and I'm not desperate for a LTR just to have one. I don't need a guy financially. So unless the good outweighs the bad, forget it. I can see being realistic and most guys are going to have some kind of flaw & not be Prince Charming--the same is true for women, but there are some things I can overlook and some things I can't. If it's on the "must not have" list, then I can't budge. On other things I could be more flexible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 4:56pm

I think being too superficial is a mistake.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 8:12pm

I think it all boils down to what each of us can or cannot tolerate. Personally, while I definitely am not seeking a gym rat, 30-40 pounds overweight in a man would turn me off. I am thinking health issues, etc. Also, though I am hardly Jennifer Aniston, I do make a conscious effort to keep my weight down and run or get to the gym 3 times per week. I make healthy choices in my daily diet.


I think there is a happy medium. I think we should reasonably expect to feel at least a smidgen of chemistry on the first date, and build on that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 3:31am

I am looking to get married soon, but I am done having kids. That said, I've never been picky about looks, height, weight, job, income, car, having a car at all, etc.

It's more important to me that he be kind, loving, affectionate, driven, responsible, even tempered, emotionally healthy (whether by nature, or by medical intervention), funny, interesting. Those are the things that make a healthy, happy relationship. When a guy has all of those things, and our personalities fit, then physical attraction follows.

I also don't think weight is really an indicator of health in most circumstances. You can be overweight and healthy, living a healthy lifestyle. And then there's me. I look "normal" but my diet is absolutely atrocious (working on that). Just because I can eat crap all day long and not gain weight, that doesn't make me healthy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 10:13am

I am getting married next month to my best friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 11:04am
I met my 2nd DH at Parents without Partners. We were there for our first orientation meeting on the same night. Apparently he liked me right away (so he told me later) but my first impression of him was "I would never be interested in him." He had longish hair then and a full beard and since he probably rode his motorcycle, he was dressed kind of like a biker with the leather vest. I didn't even know about the tattoos yet! But we were in a place where we got to know each other first and then I became more interested. I think it's hard when people are doing OLD because of course you look at someone's picture and you have an immediate reaction of whether they look appealing or not. When you meet someone in person it's a combination of looks & personality, so I think you might give a person more of a chance who is not so good looking if you like them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 6:50pm

I think it is great that you are with someone who makes you so happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 6:56pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 8:05pm
Yes I guess at some point I will have to do OLD if I want any dates--I have been div for 2 yrs now and I certainly don't stay in the house--I go out & do things, but I just never meet any single guys AT ALL, never mind whether we are attracted to each other or not. It's really funny though-- my ex SIL & I were out on Sat. & we decided to go to a fortune teller. I don't really take them seriously, but she said that I would have a new BF in the fall, probably Oct. So I was saying--should I do nothing just to see if someone happens to fall into my life?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Thu, 08-12-2010 - 8:21pm

fortune teller. I don't really take them seriously, but she said that I would have a new BF in the fall, probably Oct. So I was saying--should I do nothing just to see if someone happens to fall into my life?


Pages