Sex offer from a long time friend.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Sex offer from a long time friend.....
10
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 10:57pm
Yes, I was offered sexual gratification by a longtime friend. Unbelievable! I had taken my son to the ballfield for practice. My male friend came over to give me a hug because it had been a while since I'd seen him. We chatted just like we normally did except tonight he asked me if I had begun dating anyone? I told him I'd dated a little. A little background, my husband passed away in April, I am 36 yrs. old and finding myself in the dating game again. Anyway, like I said I told him I'd been dating a little. He told me not to worry that I was a very sexy woman and I would find someone soon, he talked a little about his girlfriend. I thanked him for the compliment but really didn't think anymore about it past that. About 10 minutes later, we wound up in the parking lot chatting a few more minutes as I was getting ready to go back to the field he made another comment to me about how great I was looking. I thanked him again and gave him a hug and told him that it was nice to hear. After being married 16 yrs. it's nice to know your still attractive.

He looks dead serious at me and says I know it's probably been a while for you and I shook my head and he told me again how sexy I was and point blank that he would like to try to satisfy me sexually and that he and I could have a little fun together. He told me that he was clean and that he would like to take care of me if I wanted him. I began laughing because I was so embarassed I didn't know what to say to him. I thanked him for his offer and he wanted to know if he'd said something wrong. I still continued to laugh and told him I was embarrassed to which he then replied he was too. Well, obviously not if he could make such a bold statement to me. I was floored by his comments and was so thrown off guard I honestly didn't know how to reply to him. We just sorta wandered away as I was still laughing, incomprehensible to me that he could be so bold and brassy. Dating after 16 yrs. is hard enough but now this. What would you have done? Me thanking him was a little sarcastic by-the-way. I thought he would start laughing anytime too, but he didn't he told me he was serious and I have no doubt he was. On vacation until Oct. 5th so I won't be able to respond until then. Any advice would be good. I have to see this man/friend on a weekly basis. Our kids are on the same baseball team. What the heck do I do now?

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 12:08pm
I agree with you, it sounds like he was NOT embarrassed at offering you sex. I'd bet he's done it before and that alone would be a turn off for me. While he's offering you sex, he's also offering himself no strings safe sex. I'd tell him to go pay someone.



I think my first question would have been "is your gf ok with this? does she know?" He's assuming you would not care if another woman got hurt, that would tick me off.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who plays on a person's misfortune to get what he wants. He may not even be good in bed, then where would you be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 10:33pm
Avoid that man like the plague!!! He is a huge creep! I've had a few offers like that since my divorce. Run, run, run! A man who would make that kind of offer is a jerk and doesn't respect you.

Don't go off and be alone with that guy. He sounds like he has the potential to be a date rapist. I'm not exaggerating.

Trust me, you can find dozens and dozens of decent men who are interested in you for more than just a sexual relationship. If you just want sex, then get a college boy. They are more than willing to do that kind of thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 2:57pm
I'm assuming from your post that you are NOT interested in his offer but you also don't want to make him feel like a total jerk either because you have to see him again. A similar thing happened to me once with a neighbor! The way I handled it...I was floored and just laughed it off in embarassment. After that, I pretended like the conversation never took place, and tried to avoid being alone with him as much as possible. But, I was prepared incase he pursued the topic again to tell him "No thanks, I've got the situation handled."

Remember, you are NOT the one who has anything to be embarassed about here, it's all on him.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2002
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 3:15pm
My advice is to keep this man at arms length and do not be freindly as you have with him anymore. What he did was completly disrepectful and just creepy to be honest. Dont even mention it and when you do see him-- If he offers a "hi" be polite and say hello back but I would look away and keep on walking-- your too busy to give this guy a moment of your time anymore. Ughhh some men are such creeps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 11:46pm
Thanks everyone for the advice on this one. NO, I was and am not interested in his offer, no way, no how. Not the kind of relationship I'm looking for. I honestly felt bad for his girlfriend. Someone else posted that he'd probably done this before. That was my thoughts exactly & there probably are some women who may have taken him up on his offers, that's probably why he thought he could get away with it with me! Eww (shivering) What's even worse is his ex-wife is also out there a lot and she and I are pretty good friends. He and I both know a lot of people out there, How did he know I wouldn't tell other people what he said to me? I'm sure he'd deny it, if it ever got out but still. I think he's got big, brassy ones! I will make sure that I am not ever alone with him. I believe he has probably had some time to think about what he said and I wouldn't doubt if he wouldn't approach me again and ask me to keep it just between us! I do have to be at the ballfield and I'm not going to let him make me uncomfortable about this, so I will not bring it up again unless he does. If he persists in annoying me, I do know the person to approach to get it taken care of. I don't want to go this route and have to tell someone else out there what took place but I will if I have to.

sc

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 3:10am
I think you telling someone if it persists would be a good move. I would actually say it to someone that you trust in case anything were to happen, but my other advice would be to ignore it, but if he does say something again, I would make it clear you aren't interested. No explanation, just something to hit him on the head, for instance:

"Listen, thanks, but no thanks. I'm shocked adn disappointed that you turned out to be someone that completely disrespects women and my late-husband, by approaching me regarding a sexual relationship. Your not doing me a favor, the only favor you can do is stay 20 paces away from me at all times. I hope you got the picture and this was the end of our conversation, because I would hate to have to speak to anyone regarding your offer. Good bye."

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 10:31pm
Ooh, ooh, that's good. I'll have to remember that. I'm quick witted but not that quick. He really caught me off guard, maybe I was just being naive in thinking he was paying me a few compliments. He was definitely fishing for information. I do have a long time friend out there which also happens to be my sons coach and if I have to I will say something to him. He would never in a million years let anybody hurt me and he'd handle it, if need be. That's who I was talking about earlier. Even though he and the other guy are friends, he would believe me over him anyday and wouldn't hesitate to put him in his place. Of that I have no doubt. It's nice to know who you CAN depend on!

I'm hoping that by me laughing at this guy face to face, maybe just maybe it might have deflated his ego a little! Maybe not, but he sure deserved it. He is not all that either but he obviously thought he was. Thanks again for the advice. I'll let you guys know how practice goes this week.

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 11:32pm


Just found out from one of the other moms on the team that this creep has hit up several

of the other moms too. I have no respect for him anymore, this guy is an idiot! He hasn't said anything else to me, I haven't given him a chance too either!

sc

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 3:53pm
Good thing you did a little research - that really sheds light on the situation!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 9:53am
I agree with everyone else's posts and I wanted to add a question...is there any other friend you can take out there with you that will be with you at all times or can you find a seat near another mom? You said you knew quite a few other people out there. He can't appraoch you about it if you stick with the other's all the time. Even walk to you car with the other moms. But please do approach someone about it if he finds a way to ask again. I like that you know who to talk to. Good idea.

Best of luck and you handle your dating situation the way YOU feel best.

Mel

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