She better watch it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
She better watch it!
10
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 6:32pm

A "friend" of mine, the girl I have talked about several times here may have done the most unforgivable thing she could ever do...slept with Shane. Now I cannot prove it and they both will deny it, but something within me says they did Friday. I was out of town with my cousins all weekend. Shane conveniently could not take Emily and he darted off to Dallas on Saturday. Well, Friday night we talked about something sensitive....I got an offer to be a FWB and I just ran it by her to see what she thought. I had not said I would, just asking her opinion. Anyway, she said not to because I may get emotional over it and that because her BF just dumped her she needed to stay clear of guys too. She said we'd have to be strong for each other. Anyway, she got drunk apparently that night and texted me that she was f'ed up and she had a one nighter. Yeah....

That was the last I heard from her. I was dead asleep by then but I got it the next morning when I got up. Anyway, I texted her back to ask why she did that after her speech to me and who did she sleep with. No answer. No answer on any calls, I even knocked on her door today after work for one last effort. I heard her in there and she refused to answer. I have tried and tried to get her to talk to me and she refuses. Which says to me she did something wrong and is afraid to face me. She should be. If she did that, there is no telling what I might do. But it won't be pretty. Shane is free to be with anyone he wants, but not her. She is a friend and that is disgusting.

She is no longer a friend though. I've written her off. She has dropped off the face of the earth the last time and I'm done. Even without knowing if she had sex with Shane, I'm done with her. I would never do that to a friend and something tells me I trusted her too much.

~Mel~ Thinking she just got screwed by a friend

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 11:07pm

I think you're overreacting.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 12:55am

I agree that there is no evidence to think it was with your Ex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 3:36pm
Seriously, why do you think of all the men in the world, she would have a one-night stand with your ex? Just because you're attracted to him doesn't mean anyone else is. I'm sorry, but he just sounds like a major jerk to me, and I doubt any of your friends, having seen firsthand what he's like, would want to have anything to do with him. I can't believe you'd write off a friend with NO PROOF WHATSOEVER. Maybe she should write you off. If you are divorcing, you need to detach emotionally from him - hard, I know, but the first step is to stop imagining that all other women, especially your friend, want to be with him. That's just you projecting.
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 5:07pm

Aside from you having no right to condemn your friend, it raised a red flag that you would even be considering a FWB right now. You need to slow down a little. I know you are hurting and you want to somehow force yourself to set yourself free or whatever, but the point is, I really don't think you should be considering anything but the children right now. You need a break. You are causing a lot of unnecessary drama that might really leave you a lot more heartache and pain all around. I wouldn't worry so much about Shane and your friend and take a little more time focusing on yourself right now and getting yourself straightened out and healthy for a future healthy relationship, before it happens all over again. You have WAY to many insecurities going on. Finding a FWB, getting calendar pics' done for yourself or condeming friends and Shane are not healthy choices right now.

Hugs,
Cat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 5:58pm

Mel, sweetie, I think you are very stressed right now and this shows it. Sometimes when we get into tough times our friends turn out not to be such good friends. It doesn't matter whether or not she slept with your hubbie. What matters now is that you have the long and rocky road of a divorce, property split and custody/child support ahead of you. That is all a lot to do and never mind with someone that let you down and hurt you.

So, you have to do what it takes to clear your head and get that done. NO distractions.

Then you can rebuild your life and work on dating. I would be very careful at this time to make any important decisions about your life.

think of goals and what you want to be doing in 5 years by yourself - with no man. Do you want a better job so you can be more independent and picky of who comes next? Do you want the kids happy and stable? Do you want your own place? These are all big projects. Big big. It took me 5 years to attain all that for myself and I am still working hard. There is no easy way. But the harder you work is the better person you will become and the better person you can get for your SO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 6:23pm

Well, I did talk to Shane about it and he maintains that he did not and WOULD not sleep with her. He said that she is not appealing at all to him and that he would never hurt me like that. I didn't go out and accuse him of it but I did ask him if he saw her and told him what she did and that I was afraid she was coming after him. He said to let her try because he was out on that one. He told me he still loved me and that there was not any way he'd ever do that to me. Yes we are divorcing because our marriage doesn't work, but we still love each other. So anyway, maybe they didn't but I wouldn't put it past her to try....

As for embarrassment, well I've seen her do crazy things before and in the drunken state she was in, I wouldn't have judged her. I never did. She knows that. I have been there for her from step one and never judged her regardless of how stupid she acted. Yeah, she made the big speech about not having sex with guys right now...I know it's not right, but she did it anyway because she was drunk. So? I just wanted to know what happened and who it was. I wanted the details....was it good? Was he hot? Nothing more. Avoiding me is childish. She needs to grow up if she ever wants to be my friend again. I have kids. I don't need another.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 6:24pm
If space is what she wants, then she's got it. I mean, she is the one who calls me all the time, comes over, etc. I actually need some space. She proposed moving in together, so space is not what she's looking for....she's avoiding me for a reason and I just wanted to know what happened to her. I was worried.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 6:29pm
The reason I felt like she was after him is not because I am attracted to him and that means all others are...she DID ask him out at one time, she DID go after him once and they had sex...I knew him, he liked me, but I was not just dating him so he was free to date around as well. The sex was lousy since he drank too much, which would make me think she was not into it anymore, but she's walked in on us before and saw what it's REALLY like. So to put it bluntly, she saw the goods....he's free....In my defense about writing her off....well...she drops off the face of the earth conveniently and selfishly and leaves everyone in her life wondering. If she has a man, she ignores her friends. That is not a friend. I never ignored her regardless of my status with Shane. Yes he can be a jerk. I do love him. But I also accept that it's over.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 6:31pm
Not doing the calendar. And as for the FWB, not doing that either. I just asked her opinion. I never considered it. It's too soon. I know what I need to focus on right now...me. My kids. The FWB is a friend and I do talk to him, but that is all. He is concerned about me and he's lonely too. He just figured he'd ask if I wanted to. Yes, I do want to...he's hot, but maybe later. Not now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 6:33pm
Thank you....I'll make a list tonight.

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