She Thinks I'm Interrupting Her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2007
She Thinks I'm Interrupting Her?
22
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 11:05pm

Hello Ladies, I am a single, attractive 38 year old man who has never been married and has no children myself.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 1:06am

I don't think she truly has a beef; I think she has a conflicting relationship with her Ex, and she's clearly putting him first.


I'm sorry, Stallex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 8:42am

Sounds like she is a bit confused about few things. She is working on all the issues.. and may be after the kids father visits she is not in a good mood or falls into her own thoughts (not very happyones)..


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 8:51am

Hello and welcome. I am not sure what to tell you. I think that when a child/baby is that small/young, a woman's whole world revolves around him/her and everything is more significant than would be otherwise - it was this way for me. Nap times, feeding times, stuff like that - it is incredibly intense. I think that maybe she feels fiercely protective about the baby and is being paranoid about making her ex mad enough to want custody and take the baby away. Perhaps he pays child support and visits twice a week and she is getting used to all of that and stuff needs to settle in so the child gets bigger and she can trust her ex and things just go more smoothly. These fierce maternal instincts are a good thing and it will wear off more as the baby grows older.

I don't think you can judge her based on your dealings with your family because they are different and their situation is different.

Somehow I feel that you may be ready and wanting a whole lot more than she does or is able to give. But only time will tell you this. I feel she is worth a chance because she certainly has her priorities in order.

Perhaps you can settle it for now by saying you understand that things are all so new and it is a strain to be a new and first time mom never mind a single mom to boot and that you want to make her life easier not harder and didn't realize that would upset her so or you would not do it. Let it go for now about the Sunday Wednesday stuff and let her call or text when they are done.

I have been divorced for over 6 years and I can tell you that if I was off doing something with my DS and his father, I would not want a bf calling - I would let it go to voicemail. Why? Because my exh is a moron who lacks self esteem and would feel threatened and probably not be easy to get along with for a while if I was talking with a bf in front of him. And if a bf was new this would especially be the case.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 9:17am

So the father of the baby (FOTB) has visitation- but he doesn't go someplace else with the baby

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 10:07am
OOOOH - good point Shrimps! I totally forgot how little energy I had when DS was a baby. At the end of some days I wanted to crawl in a closet and NOT be needed by anyone but just to have my space. I remember it used to be a total bummer and day's project just to make it to the grocery store with him. Babies ARE very demanding. And no one can understand that unless they have had one!! Mine was particularly colicky and did not sleep through the night until he was 4. I was always feeding, changing, entertaining, comforting and cleaning. It is like one big blur. And keep in mind she is single and never gets a break. NO wonder she says our OP is interrupting her!!!!
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 11:22am

My two cents on the issue is this:


I don't think we should be defending her THAT much. I personally think she went a bit overboard and that maybe she really isn't that INTO him. He texted her, the guy is still around at that time of night and even if he wasn't, her reaction was poor.


My personal reaction would be to confront her on it. Ask her where she see's the both of you really going and if she see's you in it. Nip it and find out before you get strung along. I know the needs of babies and children, but come on! That reaction is a little to strange for me.


Anyone else feel this way? Not every single mom is a nice person. Just like not every single dad is a nice person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 12:08pm

I agree; think we are trying a little too hard to defend her, and find reasons for her obviously bad behavior.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 12:38pm

Now that is something I totally agree with! If the situation would have been turned around, I think our responses would have been different too.


I personally think she has enough time to adjust to her son's schedule and if she thinks he's interrupting her lifestyle, by sending a text, then she doesn't need to be dating at all. Sounds like this one might have baggage that doesn't fit in the overhead compartment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 1:33pm

Hello,


You've already received some great advice and opinions from many of the (awesome and amazing!) single mom's on this board but I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents.


I'm going totally off intuition here, just my gut feelings about this. First,

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 1:58pm

Hi and welcome to the board!

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