Shocked and Saddened! What's goin on?
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| Sun, 01-09-2005 - 7:08am |
I know I should leave this topic alone, but I can't. I just got back on the internet and I was going to go through all the posts, when I came across one with 57 THREADS versing single mom's and married moms!
To the single mom lurkers, I am going to say something that I hope will make you guys come back on this board, because it's honest and true to the heart.
I have been a single mom twice. The first time it was 3yrs, with one child, then married, then single again with two girls. I came across this board 3yrs ago, when everyone on here was Single. Most all of you Single MOm's have had a long term boyfriend at one point or another. I don't think it makes much of a difference if you have a boyfriend that is commited to you, living with you, engaged to you, or your married. Everyone at some point on this board had a relationship. ME? NO. In 4 yrs of singlehood, I haven't been able to keep a relationship longer than maybe 6wks to 10wks. I am living in a different country, with totally different dating situations. Non-committed men. Tara, Min, Candi, Downbythebay, Kim, Andrea, Becky, and anyone I am forgetting (I apologize), were their from the beginning of my sorrows. They were all single, all struggling. Most of them hadn't had a relationship that was going smooth. We all went through the same struggles. I think Candi and I, from the old crowd, that are still struggling on the singlehood stage. My point is, if anyone should of been jealous, it should of been Candi and myself, that have seen these great women, find their love. What difference does it make if you are still single, but you have a boyfriend that supports you verses a husband? I still think it's the same. Tara lives with her boyfriend? Why is she acceptable, because she is single? If we wanted to start making rules, then why don't we have something like: Single Mom's that never have relationships? That means, we stay single, date, but aren't allowed to have a relationship, because you might be Happy in it. That way, this board will just stay freakin depressing at all times. Candi, Donna and I can just wallow in self-pity for many more years to come, because we aren't in a relationship. Boy o boy, I bet that would just get all the single mothers out their running to this board! NOT!
Marybeth, Donna, Candi and all the other single mom's left in my situation, I need you guys here, but I also need Tara, Becky, Mel, Kim, Marion, Min, Downbythebay and all the others that are in a relationship (sorry if I haven't mentioned you all): I need you women as too. I need to know their is hope with all the saddness of being alone.
Ladies, most all of us, have once been married, we have all struggled and have had difficult marriages, or we wouldn't be here now. If you sometimes read these posts, most women are still struggling through new marriages, pregnant or not. It's scary for them and they can still relate to us. They have their own problems, being with an X or an incenstive husband sometimes and they remember what it was like to be single.
Have I sometimes felt jealous? HECK YES, but I have felt jealous with ANYONE in a relationship, single or not. I am sick of being single, I mean really single. No boyfriend, no nothing. When Marybeth was with Jerry, I was jealous, when Candi met a few of her guys I was jealous, when anyone was with anyone that they were Happy with, I was jealous, because I WANT THAT FOR MYSELF!
In the end, we are all the same. We are a family on this board. These women, who have been supporting me for over 3yrs, married now or not, are my family. I love them and I love all the single mom's that are new here. Sure it hurts, but your day will come. My day will come and I hope to goodness that when I finally do find that man that I am crazy about and that truly loves me, we move in together, we get engaged, we get married, that no one says to me: "Hey Catherine, you no longer belong on this board, because we can't relate to you, because you are Happy."
I need you ALL. I need the single mom's and I need those that were. I need to be reminded that life can change and their is hope. I need to be able to bawl, whine, moan, groan and get angry with those women that are single and in my shoes, because they can relate to me. I need those ladies, that are in a relationship (whatever sort it is), to remind me that it can and will get better at some point. Reminding me, that life can get better and that I won't be in this situation for the rest of my life. That shimmer of hope. That rainbow at the other end.
I am saying to all of you, for me and for those women that feel like I do " Don't leave us in the lurch, just because you feel like you can't relate sometimes." Don't leave me alone. I need all of you, because you all give me the feeling that I belong here. If we start having women leave this board, because they don't feel they can relate to the others who are married, or because they are married, then, this board wouldn't exist for long.
I am here for all of you. I was once married. I can relate to the happiness and saddness of marriage. The happiness and saddness of pregnancy. We all went through pregnancy. Otherwise we would not have this board " single mom's with children. "
We should remember and support our pregnant mom's. We should support the mom's that are now in commited relationships, but also struggling and these women, should look back and be able to remember the saddness, heartaches and hardships and relate to us.
We've all been in the same boat. We all need to maybe sit back and remember what it's like for each of us wearing the different shoe. We've all been their at some point. Either Married or Single.
Sometimes, we all forget. We forget what it was like, either to be single, or to be married. That life isn't a bowl of cherries no matter if we think the grass is greener on the other side.
For those of you, who haven't been on the board as long as I have, I can totally understand that you aren't able to understand why we have the ladies on here that are married.
I wish, and maybe someone could find out if we could get this information: I wish, that we could get the threads from 3yrs back out of the archive and that you single mom's can see what these now married women went through. They were just like us. Struggling, heartbroken, doing the dating game, no hope, pain and never seeing the end of it. I have been here so long and seeing how things have changed and happened to them, makes me see things in a different perspective. Same goes for the women now married. Go back to your threads, read, remember and I bet that all of us, would have a flood of emotions going on. Everyone would suddenly understand everyone again. We would all be more sensitive sometimes to the other person; single or married.
I remember. I never will never forget. I still get jealous, but that's because my heart often aches, because I want to find that partner. BUT! when I remember those that are now married, I know, my time will come. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but it'll be here.
I love you all. I hope you all read this and I hope we all take a moment to reflect on what it once was like to be single or married and remember, it was never a bowl of cherries for anyone.
- Catherine

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