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| Mon, 08-06-2007 - 1:12pm |
I finally gave in...
So after 2 years of refusing to be involved, I have finally thrown in the towel.
JS and I are now dating....exclusively (I am not entirely happy about the "E" part). But he is truly my best friend and when I am in his vacinity, I never want to do anything without him. And of course any news that happens in my life, he is the first one I call.
It took some back and forth discussions this weekend, for him to finally lay down the law with me. The biggest expectation was that I am no longer allowed to date anyone else. That I really have to give us a fair chance. That discussion took a few days, but I finally said ok. I realized I was making him really unhappy about not wanting to be with only him. Not just unhappy, but very sad. I didn't want to do that so I decided, as my best friend, for someone I do love and care for very much; it's important that he's happy.
He did ask if I was "in" love with him and I told him I wasn't. I said, I loved him and I cared for him very much, but I wasn't in love with him. He accepted that. Odd thing was the fact that we spent some really good quality time together doing totally different things then we usually do and I kind of saw him in a totally different light that I truly enjoyed and I found myself thinking, I may not know everything about him; maybe their could be more.......
One thing that has stood out in the last 6 months is that he involves the children all the time in everything now. He talks about them all the time. He plans things now that involve them. He NEVER did that. JS to me was always a very selfish bastard. Always thinking of himself. I NEVER said a word to him about it, except once, over a year ago, I told him he would never be type of person I wanted to date, because number one: I couldn't see him dealing with children. I thought he was selfish...
Anyway, strange enough, every time we visit, it gets more and more about the girls. Like the Easter Egg hunt we did together at 2:30am, drunk as skunks in his yard trying to hide 6 dozen eggs and a whole bunch of stuff. That is when it all really started.
JS is financially VERY well off. I don't know HOW well off, but it came in an argument we had about him doing stuff for me all the time and that I didn't want him to spend his money on me. That I thought he needed to keep it for himself. He just laughed and looked at me and said "You really have NO idea? Do you?". I just shook my head and said "I don't care." And of course he said, " I know..that is one of the awesome things about you. You don't care." - So coming to the story over the weekend that is building up to the reason I say he's more involved with the children:
As long as we've known one another, he has ALWAYS wanted jet skii's and decided last summer he would finally buy them, but then, he didn't. I asked him about it this weekend, because he's been putting off the purchase for some time. He said: "Actually, I have decided I rather buy the girls a boat. They would love a boat. We could all be together in it and they could go tubing and skiing. I'm going to buy it this Fall/Winter and then I'll call her "sea-murph". - For those that don't know, it's his nickname for me. Except of course he spells it: c-murph.
It was the idea that he has been putting the girls first in a lot of his thoughts now. 2 years ago, Alex couldn't stand him, because he would just ignore her. Now he's the first one she asks about, because they have so much fun together. In the last half year, he has spoiled them, taught them all sorts of things, this summer he bought their school supplies, he bought them both bookcases and he is throwing Alex a big party for her birthday. He WANTS to do those things. He knows it's very hard for me to deal with it. I'm very proud and it makes me feel like charity. We have had full blown out WAR because I don't like him doing so much for me. I feel ashamed, but I am also finally learning to let him. I know it makes him happy to know he can do something to make us all happy. I couldn't do some of that stuff if it was just me. So I finally and slowly learned to say thank you and just give him a hug. It seems to be all he wants.
Nevertheless, all is not lost: I am still allowed to make fun of him and to tell him he looks awful, when he wears or does something I hate; therefore, I think we compromised pretty well.
I wonder what it's going to be like now?
Strange. So I guess I won't have crazy dating stories for awhile, but I guess I can at least still make fun of him on the board (because he's great fun to make fun of)! We still have that....

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Im with Shrimpy.
I know I haven't been here long enough or know enough about your past with him to give you an opinion, but I wish you the BEST of luck! From what I've heard so far he seems like a great guy who truly knows and cares about you. I think it would be incredible to fall in love your best friend and I'm hoping that happens for you.
Ok- MAJOR flag here:
"He NEVER did that. JS to me was always a very selfish bastard. Always thinking of himself. I NEVER said a word to him about it, except once, over a year ago, I told him he would never be type of person I wanted to date, because number one: I couldn't see him dealing with children. I thought he was selfish... "
And suddenly he's ALL about the girls?
I think he's ONLY doing what YOU want him to so that you would go out with him.
Everyone has an opinion... so i decided to share mine. I agree with Alison and Shrimpy. And I get the feeling that your way of taking a break from dating is to get exclusive with a long time "friend".
Whatever happens, we're here for you.. love ya. Wishing the best of luck to you.
Loonybunny
ok, I think this Boat thing got a little miscommunicated. Either by me or by misinterpretation:
What I was TRYING to say, is that: I have known JS for 2.5 years. He has always talked about Jet Skii's. I asked him about it last weekend, BEFORE we even talked about us. He said: I am getting a boat because I think the girls would enjoy it and we could all have more fun together. Not that he was BUYING them a boat.
And in my defense here, I appreciate all the opinions and I accept a lot of what you are all saying, but: HOW OFTEN have we talked about men without children, taking much longer to accept or get to know our children when they don't have any? JS never had any. He did his own thing. He was selfish. In the last two years of him being around my children, he has grown to care for them and like them. It's not an all of a sudden process here ladies. It was an observation that I made stating that he and the children have bonded more and it has had nothing to do with me; or little to do with me. I was dating other people, I was engaged to someone else and JS has remained steady with the children.
I don't have to LIVE up to his expectations. He knows me. Better than anyone else and its quite possible that it may be the reason that he knows something that I don't. I don't have to try to live up to any expectations of his.
So although I know I have a track record from hell and that this board is split due to that reason, I can't comment more about it without sounding like a broken record.
I know we have several serial daters here. I know of several that have jumped from one to the other or dated more men in a weeks time, to finally meet someone. Isn't that the majority of online dating? That doesn't mean just because you decide to be with someone you didn't think fit to you, means I think you are jumping into something or that you are in "need" of something. The last 3 guys didn't fit. But I didn't stick around with them because I felt I HAD to be in a relationship. I was looking for the right fit. If I felt I HAD to be or NEEDED to be in a relationship, I would stick it all out and let myself be walked on.
I CANNOT foresee the future. Their was a time that I felt EVERYONE was going to be it. I've had some of you make alot of red flag comments and worried about me going into something blindly. I'm pretty darn straight forward about this. I am not going in with my eyes shut. I've put loads of thought into this and know very well what could or couldn't happen. I don't think their is a foggy doubt in my mind what could or couldn't happen.
Before I came to the States, I stopped dating for a year to find myself. Prior to that I had stopped several month in-between. When I first moved here I dated a little, but no real relationships. Not until Chris last year, whom I dated 3 months. Then when we broke up, I didn't date for 3 months until I started dating Frank. Frank was long distance, we were together 6 months, we saw one another once a month. After him, I dated 2 people, each lasting about 2-3 months until I realized it wasn't for me. Mr. History lasted 2 weeks. My POINT is.... I have spent PLENTY of time alone and in between to catch my breath. How much time DOES everyone need? I don't need to crying and pining about every guy I broke up with. They were jerks, why do that? I know I might not have been perfect, bu they lied, they didn't show up, they were being jerks, so WHY should I have to sit at home and let my life go by for people like that? Don't we always tell our ladies to GET BACK OUT THEIR? These weren't relationships that lasted years or years of marriage, these were relationships that lasted a few months that JUST didn't work.
I agree I said I didn't want to date anyone anymore, but that is mainly because I was VERY confused about my feelings for JS that I didn't think I SHOULD be dating anyone until I figure that out. So that is what I'm doing now.
For those that support me; Thank you. For those that don't support it; Thank you too! Because that is what this board is ALL about and I love you all.
So I think that is enough said about the subject. I will keep pretty quiet about what's going on in regards to JS and myself and should we break up, you'll be the first to know.
I am with Judy on this. I have met him (although briefly) and have seen the two of you together. I think it could work. Honestly, my biggest concern is the distance but for now that isn't really an issue. Take some time and find out if it works. I think having the basis of the friendship is a big plus.
So let us know how it is going.
Priscilla
Althought I have only caught the tailend of the relationship with you and JS, I just want you to know that I support what you are doing, just be careful. Continue putting him in situations that you have never seen him in before and see his reaction. First reactions are usually the correct ones. :) You obviously still have a lot to learn about each other. I wish you the best and I hope no one gets hurt, only loved.
Jennifer
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