should he confirm a date?
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should he confirm a date?
| Fri, 01-05-2007 - 8:44pm |
Hi all,
I've got my 1st Saturday night date tomorrow in 7 years! (3rd time seeing this guy--through match.com)--he asked me to go out again "soon", right after date #2 (before XMAS), I arranged for a babysitter for tomorrow (6th)--I just told her 7:00. When we set it up he said "lets work out the details later". Ok, should he be calling me (we've never spoken by phone, but I gave him my number), or e-mailing me to confirm??? I am a little freaked out that I might be stood up! And, I know I could call or e-mail him, but I am trying to change my old habits (topic for the future). Is this normal guy behavior, and am I over analyzing? Any thoughts are appreciated.
Thanks,
Mary
(obviously a little nervous...)
I've got my 1st Saturday night date tomorrow in 7 years! (3rd time seeing this guy--through match.com)--he asked me to go out again "soon", right after date #2 (before XMAS), I arranged for a babysitter for tomorrow (6th)--I just told her 7:00. When we set it up he said "lets work out the details later". Ok, should he be calling me (we've never spoken by phone, but I gave him my number), or e-mailing me to confirm??? I am a little freaked out that I might be stood up! And, I know I could call or e-mail him, but I am trying to change my old habits (topic for the future). Is this normal guy behavior, and am I over analyzing? Any thoughts are appreciated.
Thanks,
Mary
(obviously a little nervous...)

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I would not call or email. It is best to leave it to him and see what he does. Do not be afraid of getting stood up. If he doesn't call or show - treat yourself to an hour or two of shopping or a coffee treat without the kids.
The other alternative is to NOT be available because he didn't confirm and give you ample time to prepare.
But I would never call to confirm a date unless I had been dating the man for a while.
Thank you--I just got off the phone w/my brother who said the same thing. I am so out of practice--I really appreciate getting advice here w/o feeling like a total loser. And, I am not really afraid of getting stood up--more perplexed.
I think if he does confirm before tomorrow afternoon I will go, and, if we are having a good time I will mention that this surprised me....
Mary
We are always OVER analying!!! Take a breath, it is common courtesy to let the lady know when and what time you guys are meeting! By tomorrow morning, he should get back to you with the details. If not, say, NEXT Mary! We are all awesome women and shouldn't take crap from guys who don't seem to care about us. I live by this now, and it's working.....Ok, I still have a few glitches to work out but you get the idea! Good luck!!!
-Vanessa
I totally agree as well. & I dont know, i cant beleive he hasnt confirmed anything yet! Its less than 24 hours. Actually, I had to TELL Carlos that I like to & NEED to plan ahead. Sure, last minute once in a while is great, but at the beginning sometiems he would say "lets get together next weekend" on a Tues ... & i wouldnt get "details" or "plans" from him till Thurs or Fri & i hated it. He jokes now that I am a "planner".
If he doesnt call you by say 11am on Sat, I would NOT be avail if he calls, just say "OH! I am SO sorry! I was really looking forward to seeing you, but since I hadnt heard from you to confirm, I made other plans".
Hi there! Does he have kids? I have found that men without kids truly don't get that you can't just pick up and go whenever the modd strikes you.
The fact that he may not be senisitive to this is a small warning signal- maybe a yellow flag. However, I would think that if you do want to see him, give him a call and simply say, we never finalized plans, what works for you?
Of course, easier said than done, and I'd probably be a nervous wreck, too!
Moody
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No, he doesn't have kids--and I'm sure that has a lot to do with this--also I should mention that he e-mailed me Monday night and said he's looking forward to this weekend...but left it at that. So, I will wait until this afternoon. Fortunately/unfortunately he is not someone I could see myself with long-term, but I am trying to get back in the swing of feeling good about dating, and he's pretty good--nice looking, sense of humor, etc. (I'll be bringing up another topic in the future--should he pay???--this guy seems to want to)
This is, incidently, the weekend I had 3 dates lined up--and, of course, this guy is the one where I am paying big bucks for the babysitter. But, if it doesn't work out I will go to a movie, or see if a friend is available.
Thanks all, and I'll keep you posted.
Mary
(mom of Jennie,6)
If I were you, I'd do the other plans and NOT see this guy tonight. Tell him things were too vague and you didn't know if he was going to call or not, so you made other plans.
The Monday email is so lame, in my opinion. When a man wants you to go out with him, he will call. They are extremely competitive. If he's interested, then he would want to make sure your date is all planned and lined up so you won't accept another offer.
I did a lot of online dating when I was single and looking. This is my impression of the guy you're talking about. He is keeping you as a back-up plan. He's probably emailing other women and not really committing to a date with you in case he can talk another woman into a Saturday night date.
I've seen that pattern so many times before with online dating. If you want some good online dating practice, blowing a guy off who is not really interesting to you is still good practice. It's an ego boost to you to be in charge.
So, I made 4pm my "deadline"--I was out all day until then--got home to no message and called my friend who is free tonight and so we're going out to dinner. As soon as I hung up the phone, he called. I didn't answer the phone (so now I feel as though I'm playing games--which I hate). But, even though I don't see this guy for long term--I still would have enjoyed seeing him tonight. So, it's frustrating, and I hope he will want to do something with me in the future--I am attracted to him--and perhaps we are both looking for something casual with each other.
Feeling a little stupid for not waiting until 4:15...
Mary
Mary, you did the RIGHT thing by not answering your phone. That guy is the one playing games. Who waits until 4:15 to make plans for that evening???
Even if I was going out with a girlfriend, I would expect her to at least call me the day before we were scheduled to get together.
Trust me, he was jerking you around on the that one. I'm surprised he called at all.
If you talk to him again, be honest. Say you didn't think he was going to call and you went out with other friends. Honesty is not game playing.
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