should he confirm a date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
should he confirm a date?
27
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 8:44pm
Hi all,
I've got my 1st Saturday night date tomorrow in 7 years! (3rd time seeing this guy--through match.com)--he asked me to go out again "soon", right after date #2 (before XMAS), I arranged for a babysitter for tomorrow (6th)--I just told her 7:00. When we set it up he said "lets work out the details later". Ok, should he be calling me (we've never spoken by phone, but I gave him my number), or e-mailing me to confirm??? I am a little freaked out that I might be stood up! And, I know I could call or e-mail him, but I am trying to change my old habits (topic for the future). Is this normal guy behavior, and am I over analyzing? Any thoughts are appreciated.
Thanks,
Mary
(obviously a little nervous...)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 5:25pm

Well, I so appreciate this board, and the different advice, but in my gut I didn't feel right about how I reacted--so I talked with a good friend who said he probably doesn't have a clue about planning with kids--he's a little nervous (really, he doesn't seem like a jerk...), and that perhaps I should give him a chance, and tonight let him know that I need a couple of days notice of a more concrete plan. So, I called my friend who said immediately it was ok to cancel our dinner plans(she actually met her husband on match.com 9 years ago!), and I called him, and he had made reservations at a restaurant....so I am going with him. I am trying to take baby steps with this dating--right now I seem to be seeing 2 nice guys who don't have a clue about dating someone with kids and this guy needs to learn about how to treat me if he wants to see me in the future.

I guess I felt as though I would be punishing myself, and I'm not sure if that's an ego boost.

thanks to all!
Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 7:02pm

You are the one who has to live your life. We're here to offer advice and give support, certainly, but you're the one who has to live with the decisions you make.
I've only ever dated guys without kids, so I really know that they can simply be uninformed about things. I would expect that any guy would call when he says he will, and make plans... but he did email Monday, and he probably thought that was confirmation, and he just needed to call you to set up the time.
Double D was sort of like that, and I have had enough experience with single, childless men to know that he was into me, he thought our plans were definite, and all he needed to call for was the timing. He did call for that, and our date went well. You'll probably read this after the fact, but I hope yours is wonderful, too!

Moody, sending good vibes


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 1:50pm
Have fun :)



Edited 1/7/2007 2:21 pm ET by fivesense
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 7:25pm
Well, it's done, it was exactly what I wanted and needed. We had a great time, and some closeness after--just what I needed. But, I should say that I would never do this with someone I had strong feelings toward. This guy is very safe and yes, a little clueless, but a good date and I hope/think we will be seeing each other soon. I will cross the bridge of wanting a committed relationship when I am ready--now I just want to have fun with this person. Of course, the second person I am dating (also through match.com)--I would NEVER do this with. He is much more sensitive, and I could see something with him growing. But, am I willing to sacrifice fun with guy #1? Not yet. So many different goals on this board, I appreciate you all accepting mine.
Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 9:15am

"very safe and yes, a little clueless"

wow, what a description of your date!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 9:14pm

That sounded a touch judgemental--but I am new here--am I being too sensitive? I should clarify what I said about him (because I don't want to insult him)--clueless as far as dating women with kids. In fact I asked him if he ever had -no. And safe in that my huge fear about OLD is the safety factor --I didn't know this guy, but it turns out he went to high school with an acquaintance of mine, and they are still good friends. It opens up a whole arena of people that we have in common and it does make me feel safer.

He called Sunday night, and we are going out on Thursday. I'm looking forward to it, and even though I told him yes, that I would confirm to him on Wednesday. (See, I'm learning....)
Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 9:35pm

I'm glad you had a good time. It's fine if he's not a "forever" kind of guy- sometimes we need to date a few Mr RightNows before we worry about Mr Right. Just be sure that you're both on the same page if it seems like it might start going somewhere you don't want it to.
Meanwhile, enjoy yourself, enjoy him, and have fun!

Moody, feeling enjoyable


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Registered: 12-27-2006
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 9:48pm

Thank you! I'm just so happy to be over this hurdle (7 years...) and enjoying it.

And congratulations to you on your decision to run! You will feel amazing--physically and mentally. It'll be great to be in the crowd all running for the same goal. The energy at those runs/walks is amazing--especially with such a personal connection. Good for you.
Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 9:50pm

That is good that he called on Sunday and asked for a date on Thursday.

It is also a little less worrisome that you both have a mutual friend through your old school - that he is not a total stranger. What a small world!

Often times it is easy to tell a man's intentions by how he arranges a date. Sure, it might sound over analytical. But it is such a simple task that can tell so much right from the beginning.

Men that wait until the last minute to throw in a weekend date are often just filling in time until they find someone better. And men that call late at night for the same night, and especially after they have been drinking, just want a booty call. Of all the stories I have seen on this board, this is one of the common denominators for how a relationship will go.

The best ones call in advance, take you some place nice to impress you, write to say they enjoyed it, plan another date and call to confirm that.

The worst ones call at the last minute or late on the weekend, push sex too soon and then disappear or choose waffling confusing behavior. If you read the dating board you will see 1,000 of these messages. They all read something like, "I met the cutest guy. We talked and talked all night - we had this amazing connection. Then we had the most mind-blowing sex. He said he would call again. He hasn't called in 2 weeks. What do I do?"

Hopefully he is being accomodating to your situation with children - like asking you if Thursday is your best day. I would rather see him be the one to call on Wednesday to confirm especially since you brought it up that is a good thing to do with children. But you were proactive and letting him know your needs so that is a start. Now you just have to see what he does with that.

It is sounding okay now, especially since you clarified your date description. Now we just wait and see. :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 9:10am
Good luck with Mr. Clueless. I'm looking forward to hearing about the guy #1.