Should I ask my best friend out?
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| Mon, 06-27-2005 - 2:30pm |
Hi Answer People,
I have a really good friend named Mike. I've been friends with him for about four years. We've seen each other go through different relationships but now we're both single. We used to talk about our relationship problems with each other and help each other with them. he's a really great guy. He doesn't drink or smoke. He has his own carpentry business. He has a close relationship with his family. Recently, we've been talking almost everyday for at least an hour every phone conversation. He says things about meeting other girls, but not being interested in them. He says he wants to find a woman that wants what I want out of life. He says he wants a woman with direction, one that wants a family. (I already have two little boys to a previous marriage.) He also has a son. He always tells me how much he likes my personality. He's volunteered to go to the park with my boys and I. I just don't know if he's just doing this to be nice or if he is interested. I think he's afraid to make the relationship go any further than a friendship because he doesn't want to lose me as a friend. I'm a slightly overweight, but yet still attractive person and he usually dates very thin girls. He says looks to him don't matter anymore he wants personality compatibility. He told my friend last night that was attracted to my personality more than my looks, but he does find my looks attractive as well. I'm just wondering what is up with him! I need an opinion. Do you think he's interested in more than a friendship? Although I don't think it is, is weight that big of an issue to men? Should I try to talk to him? How do I do it without ruining the friendship? For the most part he is a really shy guy, so I don't know if he'll ever make the first move. I thought about just asking to go hang out some night and go listen to a band or play pool. What should I do?
thanks,
dots

I am waiting to hear what everyone else has to say. I am sort of in the same boat with someone who is a friend.
I think you can try to have time alone with him without the kids and see if he makes an effort to push it beyond friends.
When a guy is physically attracted he usually does make that known. I would be inclined to be creative to have him help you with something or find a way for you two to be together. But it could get awkward if that is not what he wants.
Maybe your friend could suggest something to him?
I am reminded of a great scene from a movie called With Honors, where the male and female character are friends and college roommates. In the end (sorry if I'm spoiling this for anyone), he grabs her and kisses her...she gasps, as if shocked and says "What are you doing?" and he sends "I'm ending our friendship!" And they live happily ever after...
How do you do it without ruining the friendship? That is the toughest question...because basically that is what you're risking. Once its out there, it may never be the same again. So unless you are willing to ruin the friendship don't do anything. In my opinion, it's an all or nothing risk.
However, the amount of time he's investing in you, and the comments he is making about being attracted to you, make it a calculated risk...in your favor.
It sounds like your best friend isn't exactly beating a path to your door. I will get blasted for this, but have you read "He's Just Not That Into You". If a man is really interested in you, he will not be afraid of hurting the friendship. He will pursue a romantic relationship with you.
If a guy really likes you, he pursues you zealously. If not, he plays it cool. That's not to say that your best friend wouldn't date you, but he might not ever be too enthusiastic about it and you might pass up a really great guy, who's really into you.
I agree 100%.
I'm sure this guy loves having you as a friend, but if he was serious about taking it to the next level he would initiate something. Sounds to me like he's on the fence about it, and is unsure of his feelings. Saying something could in fact push him away. What you should do is just continue being yourself, invite him to actually spend time with you- in person- with or without the kids. (I would suggest with the kids so you don't feel so awkward around him). Being with you in person should get him to decide how he feels about you, one way or another. But don't agonize over it and daydream about him too much- be open to other men coming in to your life and dating them.
Who knows? He might get jealous of another guy eyeing you up this time and say something.
Alison