Should I leave him help asap
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Should I leave him help asap
| Fri, 06-24-2005 - 11:28am |
my bf and i have been together 9 months, we hit it off great, he is 4 yrs younger then me and still lives w his parents. I am a single mom of a 4 yr old own my own home, have a good job and all. He is great with my son. The problem is he hasn't worked in 3 months. He has no motivation to get a job, and talks about a future with me but in reality im like how can we talk about a future and u don't even have a job. It is starting to make him unattrative to me.. His mom has paid his bills the last month. My son loves him, It will break my heart to tell him hes not going to be around anymore. SHould i leave him

What is his working history - is the the first time or just one in a string of times? Why is he unemployed - what happened with his former job? What is he doing to find another? Is he that specialized that it is difficult?
I can understand how that would be a turn off. Maybe you have to start to give it some distance and see what he does.
Then you have to make a decision:
1) You live with his work ethic (or lack of it) for the rest of your life and don't mind supporting him
2) You give him the boot and find someone who is responsible and ambitious with their life so they can add to your life and not be a burden
I think you know the answer. It is not easy to make these decisions, but very necessary, especially when you have a child involved. It sounds like you are already starting to see it and pull back.
If it were me, I would dump him. Why? Not because he doesn't have a job, but because he puts drinking, and getting drunk first. He lost, quit, can't keep or won't get a job because he wants to drink and sleep in... His mom enables him by paying his bills and giving him a place to stay...ofcourse he has no motivation to change this.
Do you want your son growing up with this as an example? Do you really want to be associated with this kind of behavior?
Leave him now and save yourself and your son alot of future heartache.
Just my two cents.
Yes you should leave him. You want your son to grow up and take responsibility for himself, not be a freeloader off his mom- you! You need to be LIVING the values you want to instill in your son, not just preaching them. If you find the bf's behaviour unacceptable, but stay with him, then you're teaching your son that your values don't matter, since your willing to put up with less than your standards.
Just to be with a guy is not worth giving up or lowering your standards, values, morals or beliefs.
Alison
First of all, you don't need a forum to answer this question. Besides the fact that YOU don't deserve someone like this, THE LAST thing you want is a role model for your son who doesn't get up off his sorry ass and go to work, or is so irresponsible that he drinks so that he can't make work.
Sorry men will never change. You should leave hime as you said, ASAP, and tell you son the reason he is not around is because he would not keep a job and drank beer instead of going to work. Explain to him that that those aren't the actions of a real man, you don't find that acceptable in any man, and that you EXPECT HIM to grow up to be a man.
No question about it -- leave his sorry ass. There are SO MANY nice young men out there who are single with young children (or no children) and would carry their weight and be good to your son. Keep looking -- they ARE OUT THERE. Don't settle, and make sure you let your son know on a regular basis what kind of man you expect him to grow into. That will help alleviate alot of the confusion when men in your life drop out of sight.