Should I leave him help asap

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Should I leave him help asap
10
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 11:28am
my bf and i have been together 9 months, we hit it off great, he is 4 yrs younger then me and still lives w his parents. I am a single mom of a 4 yr old own my own home, have a good job and all. He is great with my son. The problem is he hasn't worked in 3 months. He has no motivation to get a job, and talks about a future with me but in reality im like how can we talk about a future and u don't even have a job. It is starting to make him unattrative to me.. His mom has paid his bills the last month. My son loves him, It will break my heart to tell him hes not going to be around anymore. SHould i leave him
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 12:38pm

What is his working history - is the the first time or just one in a string of times? Why is he unemployed - what happened with his former job? What is he doing to find another? Is he that specialized that it is difficult?

I can understand how that would be a turn off. Maybe you have to start to give it some distance and see what he does.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 12:42pm
Well he quit every other job he had, or he would get to drunk and wouldn't be able to tet up for work, his last job was a good job but he quit because he kept coming in late and he didn't want to work weekends...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 1:05pm

Then you have to make a decision:

1) You live with his work ethic (or lack of it) for the rest of your life and don't mind supporting him

2) You give him the boot and find someone who is responsible and ambitious with their life so they can add to your life and not be a burden

I think you know the answer. It is not easy to make these decisions, but very necessary, especially when you have a child involved. It sounds like you are already starting to see it and pull back.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 1:37pm

If it were me, I would dump him. Why? Not because he doesn't have a job, but because he puts drinking, and getting drunk first. He lost, quit, can't keep or won't get a job because he wants to drink and sleep in... His mom enables him by paying his bills and giving him a place to stay...ofcourse he has no motivation to change this.

Do you want your son growing up with this as an example? Do you really want to be associated with this kind of behavior?

Leave him now and save yourself and your son alot of future heartache.

Just my two cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 1:45pm
Good point!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 5:25pm
You need to get rid of him. He is dead weight. As was said before, he has no motivation to get a job because his mother is providing for him! And he probably never will if his mother continues to support him. I know you're concerned about how your son will feel about it & I know it will be hard to tell him, but your son is only 4. He will probably get over it faster than you. Kids are very resilient. Better now than later!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 7:02pm
I agree he doesn't sound like a good role model for your child. If you have to support your bf (or even if he gets a job and later decides he doesn't want to keep it and you have to support him down the road) your son is going to be worse off because you have to spend your money on supporting the bf not just your son. One day you'll realize that you could have sent your son to college on what you spent supporting your bf/husband. If you hope to have more children in the future, and you stay with him, all the financial burden for raising them will fall on you as well. Your bf's problem isn't that he doesn't have a job, is a basic issue with his value system. He doesn't value being financially responsible or independant, and he'll probably never feel like taking on the responsibilty of providing or helping to provide for a whole family. If/when he has a job, he'll feel he's doing you a big favor, not simply living up to an obligation he was born with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sat, 06-25-2005 - 7:57pm
Yes, you should leave him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sat, 06-25-2005 - 8:11pm

Yes you should leave him. You want your son to grow up and take responsibility for himself, not be a freeloader off his mom- you! You need to be LIVING the values you want to instill in your son, not just preaching them. If you find the bf's behaviour unacceptable, but stay with him, then you're teaching your son that your values don't matter, since your willing to put up with less than your standards.

Just to be with a guy is not worth giving up or lowering your standards, values, morals or beliefs.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 7:58am

First of all, you don't need a forum to answer this question. Besides the fact that YOU don't deserve someone like this, THE LAST thing you want is a role model for your son who doesn't get up off his sorry ass and go to work, or is so irresponsible that he drinks so that he can't make work.

Sorry men will never change. You should leave hime as you said, ASAP, and tell you son the reason he is not around is because he would not keep a job and drank beer instead of going to work. Explain to him that that those aren't the actions of a real man, you don't find that acceptable in any man, and that you EXPECT HIM to grow up to be a man.

No question about it -- leave his sorry ass. There are SO MANY nice young men out there who are single with young children (or no children) and would carry their weight and be good to your son. Keep looking -- they ARE OUT THERE. Don't settle, and make sure you let your son know on a regular basis what kind of man you expect him to grow into. That will help alleviate alot of the confusion when men in your life drop out of sight.