This should scare the daylights out!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2008
This should scare the daylights out!!!!!
Sun, 04-18-2010 - 10:50pm
Uggh..... don't even know how to start but I just had to pass this on. Before I met CD I did some online dating. I met Drama Boy on yahoo personals and he turned to be not what he portrayed at all. BUT- this has just blown me away! One of my GF's has been having marital problems- thought her Husband had secrets, might be hiding money or having an affair. She got into his computer and hit the mother lode! Seems he has been on POF among other sites, talking to woman as a separated guy, and not just 1 woman but about 4-6 at one time! Dating, coffee meet ups...
These woman all think he is single and available!!!!!!
He looks like a normal guy, very nice to chat with, smart, has a good job- they think they are building something with this man!!!!!
Just got me thinking that online a person can be anyone they want to be.... you have to be so careful. How can you know your not meeting a slimeball like that??? If something happened and I found myself single again I don't know if I'd online date after hearing this.
And on the flipside, I'm just torn apart by this- I've known them both almost 30 years and just can't believe this is happening. :^(
Maybe midlife crisis????
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Sun, 04-18-2010 - 11:30pm

OMG this is just awful, that poor woman.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2008
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 5:43am
I forgot to mention he is using an alias.
She hasn't let him know she knows yet- it's BAD- he's a member of a site that hooks you up to have an affair, POF, and who knows what else. Ewwwwww
They have 2 kids, it's her youngest son's senior year so she doesn't want to spoil his last month.
I am so sad for her- they were high school sweethearts and she has never been with anyone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2007
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 7:53am

Cheaters used to have to go to the streets to find sex (prostitutes/hookers) now all they have to do is conjure up a catchy fake profile.

The internet is full of cheaters, scammers and even murderers - looking for prey.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 9:09am
This is a horrible story and I cant imagine what this woman is going through. I also didnt meet SYB doing OLD...BUT cant people be just as misleading and lie their face off meeting them n a bar or a library for that matter? The problem for me with OLD is when people wait months to meet and build someone up into a fantasy....
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2007
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 9:36am

The one big thing that's different is human interaction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 9:50am
I agree w/ you on that one--my mom was kind of skeptical of OLD but back when I was single in my 20's it was normal to meet a stranger in a bar & give them your phone no--you actually would know less about a person that way and one or both of you might be drunk. Yet I met a guy I went out w/ for a while (1 1/2 yrs) in a bar back then & no one thought it was strange. And I met my 2nd DH IRL in a group (Parents w/o Partners) and got to know him before we dated, yet he had so many secrets, you couldn't believe it--like he never told me that I was the 3rd wife, not the 2nd--I only found out about this by accident after we were already married. So I guess a liar will use any way of meeting you & still lie & someone who's truthful by nature will still be truthful--unfortunately you can't tell. So unless you can meet someone through a mutual friend or maybe someone you work with or go to school with (none of which are options for me) you always take that risk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 9:54am

Oh no! Your poor friend! :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 10:12am
Those are things that you can tease out though. I think that's why you see a lot of guys that only want to email and don't ever meet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 1:34pm

When I first got divorced, I answered an ad from a guy looking for a girl to go skiing with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2010
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 2:00pm

Yikes! Your poor friend. It is tough pretending you don't know. But she is the one who has to decide what she's going to do about it. I too met my XH in HS and he was the only one I'd ever been with, but I did manage to enter the dating world for the first time at age 45 with 2 teens and a 2yr old. If she decides to leave, she does have hope to move past this. If she decides to stay with mega counseling, that too can work.

As for OLD, I typically do an online background check before I meet someone, just in case. First it's just a google check, then check the public records for that divorce record. I never get involved with anyone listed as separated and am leery of widowed as well. Some people are very good liars, and it takes a while to pick up the "tells" that someone is lying. I would never feel that someone "should have" known better. Sometimes you just can't tell.