Shouldn't Your Mate Be Your Best Friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Shouldn't Your Mate Be Your Best Friend?
11
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 6:58pm
Is it too much to expect that your mate be your best friend? I'm dating a guy who has told me all about his best friend of two years....a women that he does absolutely everything with on a weekly basis. They go rock climbing together every week. They go work out at the gym every week. And more recently he's told me that they've been best friends for two years now, and that they also travel together. During dinner I asked him, "So, why aren't you together with this gal who you go rock climbing with? Is it just that you're not attracted to her?" He responded with, "Oh no...that's not it at all. I just don't think that she's interested in me." She supposedly has a boyfriend in CA (we live in Oregon), so I then said, "Does her boyfriend know that you guys spend so much time together?" He said, "You know, I'm not sure whether he knows or not."

I later admitted that this bothered me. Let's face it. It's like she's his girlfriend, even though he says that he's not been intimate with her. So I explained how I was feeling. Suddenly his story changes a bit. "Trina, you're mistaken. Our friendship isn't like that. I'm not attracted to her in that way, and her boyfriend knows about me." Huh? GEE, doesn't that sound a bit different from what he said the first time? When he realized I was bothered by it, his story changed and he down played it, totally contradicting what he'd first said...when I think he was being more honest.

It feels like he's dating her & I at the same time, regardless of her boyfriend in another state. Frankly, I feel as though your mate should be your best friend. Otherwise, why be with that person in the first place? Sure, we've not been dating very long, but still. He told me about her probably so I'd know. If he wanted me to know, then it's probably because he doesn't want to lose his best friend because of me. And in all fairness to me (about the statement above), he practically admitted that he's attracted to her and made it sound like the only reason he's not with her is because he quote word for word says, "Because I don't think that she's interested in me." Uh huh. Any thoughts on the subject?



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Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 10:33pm

Hi Trina


Just wanted to welcome you to the board.

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