Showing pics of your kids to your date

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2008
Showing pics of your kids to your date
6
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 5:04am

How many of you do this?

If you do, PLEASE DON'T!

I'm a 31 year old male. I've dated a couple of single mothers over the years (24-30 year olds who had 2 or 3 year old kids) and some of them would show me pictures of their children and started telling me about them on a first date or second.

I gotta tell you, it's a turn off. I smiled and nodded and said "okay" and "great" as they did. I knew they were mothers but at the same time, seeing their kids either in person or on a photo really made it difficult for me to see them as a woman first and a mom second.

So please, hold off on the photos.




Edited 6/27/2008 3:18 pm ET by thron_maximus
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 7:36am

I'm kind of surprised any mother would share pictures of her children with a virtual stranger.


I know for me, I didn't share photos of my children with dates at all, much less on the first date.


Powered by CGISpy.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 8:29am
I have had dates where pictures have been shown and dates where they havent. It all depends on the person and whether they have kids or whether they seem to want to know something about who I am and how I live with my kid. Frankly, if you are that uncomfortable and have trouble sorting through the woman vs mother thing so early on, I dont think you would be the average single mother's type and especially if she has her kids living with her. Being a Mom is a privelege and badge of honor most of us wear proudly. And why shouldnt we? We have great kids and we are amazing women to boot. It seems logical that any single mom you meet is a woman before they are a mother. ALL women are women before they are mothers. It is a balancing act that you can either accept or not.
I have a live in bf who is 7 years younger than I am. He pointed out to me once that one of the advantages of our age difference for him is that he can see what a great mother I am since I have been married, divorced and have a nine year old son. He saw it from the beginning because when I first met him randomly and we started chatting my son's name came up right away and he found out I was a Mom. I didnt hide it, wasnt necessarily flirting with him (we met in a store, not a date) and he got a true sense of me.
I dont need or want anyone to be overly interested in my son at a first date but if they dont ask me any questions about him or worse look like they are phoning in responses when I tell them something, I would NEXT them. His existence should be addressed on a first date. I cannot be someone's gf before I am a mother, ever. I gave up that option when I had my son and I am at absolute peace with that. Lucky for me I have found a man who is wonderful and accepts this without discussion.
If you ever settle down and have kids with a woman you might understand this better. A good mother is comfortable talking about her role with her kids and is excited about them. If she isnt, avoids talking about them or doesnt mention their names in any ( not all) stories about great things she does, to me that should be a red flag to YOU. This could be the future mother of your children you know....how happy, proud, excited about them would you like her to be?
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 2:33pm

WELL SAID City!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 06-27-2008 - 3:20pm
I would suggest that you not date single mothers.



Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 6:52am

So, if you keep dating these woman, and they manage to keep the pictures in their purse, are they supposed to put the kids away in the closet before they go out?

I would applaud all of them for being proud of their own flesh and blood, and being upfront with you.

And I want a guy who thinks the same way. Most men my age group do - I am in my 40s and thankfully most of them have had kids or they realize that the sun doesn't revolve around them and it is not all about them. And they are usually asking me for pictures and asking about them. They see us as a package and a bonus - because family is wonderful.

But to each their own - I would hope you realize that a mother is someone who has learned to put another being LONG before herself and she is usually not selfish but very good at juggling many things and very creative at making a small child smile.

I love being a mom and would take my kid over a man anyday. His young years are priceless and perishable and he comes first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 9:08am

I have to agree with the one who posted that you probably shouldn't date single moms. If it's that hard for you to see the difference between a woman and a mother (although she is the same person)... I also hope you never get married and have children of your own as well.


Suppose you marry a WOMAN and things are great! But then you have a child together... and suddenly you only see "mother" and can't see the woman she still is, or treat her as such?!?! I know there are men who (unfortunately) do this, as my ex sort of did, at times. Not all the time, but now and then- he was that way. He had some kind of anger toward mothers (his own biological mother abandoned him, was raised by his aunt- but always griped about her- so I really think he has deep-seated mom issues). I'm not saying YOU are this way, t-maximus... just that it happens, and I see this as a red flag now, now that I've lived through it.


Now, I can understand your turn-off if a single mom has NOTHING else to say unless it's another story about what her kids are doing, and you're on a date. But to just show a photo and tell a little bit? I don't see that being a problem really. Though I agree with Moody too- I wouldn't be showing photos of my kids on a first date! I keep my dating and my kids separate until I get a good feeling the man can be trusted to allow the kids in.


Just date single women without kids. And then make sure you don't have children with them, or you'll only see them as some "unsexy mom" instead of a dateable woman!


**rolls eyes**


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<